Back to Reality

October 22, 2009 at 2:46 pm 1 comment

So the Universe is hitting me hard on the head with a stick right now.

I’m working with numerology to figure out my life challenges and karma, etc. Turns out I was such a dick in the past and I’m so impatient that I said “I want to learn everything at once” and so I have 4 challenges in my life, most of which are ongoing. In the past I never wanted to rely on others and I never wanted to serve so my lesson is to create connections and to serve, even to my own detriment. Anyway, the whole exercise forced me to take a grim look at myself and my karma that I’ve wanted to disown before. Now I have to own it, accept it, accept how crappy I am so I be lifted up, accept that I’m not being lifted up now, accept that I have debt to pay, duty to bear and major fucking issues to resolve.

I’ve been an escapist all my life, dreaming of new and better worlds to inhabit. But my lesson now is to accept and let go. So I have to be okay with living in this place which is extremely painful to me when I’d rather be living (if only in my head) somewhere else. I’ve even been using spirituality as an escape and now I have to be really really really present. I have to be okay with being in complete nonattachment to what is going on around me. It’s a hard lesson to learn.

Not a happy one either. But I’m learning…. I’m learning.

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1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Steve  |  November 14, 2009 at 10:51 am

    I’m an escapist too. It’s hard sort of stepping back in… but I’m trying.

    Reply

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