Accepting and Relearning Old Lessons
With all the crazy energy circulating lately I’ve been ruminating on past lessons, gleaning more from them now that I did at the time.
For instance, one of the most powerful prophetic dreams I’ve ever had was a warning/promise about my eventual marriage and the way it would require an incredible amount out of me. The dream consisted largely of my wandering around in a strange city that looked like Greek ruins being stared at by people in togas as I walked around half searching for something, half running from a pursuer, all the while with blood pouring out of deep gashes in my wrists, elbows, throat, etc… but I’m partly made of marble myself so all that blood loss doesn’t really affect me. The lesson from that I didn’t see before was that even when I thought I was at my weakest, the essential part of me was never changed or damaged by the experience.
I gained acceptance of the flower for my birth month (September/aster) that I always used to dislike as a kid by finding an aster blooming in my belly. Turns out the aster stands for love and patience, two really big ongoing themes in my life.
I’m also re-learning just how perfect for me my darling partner is. I’ve been realizing that what sets him apart from my other lovers (besides being incredibly more awesome and caring) is his ability to dream with me about a shared future and to work towards making that a reality. That was missing in all my other relationships and it made them seem lifeless to me after a while. If you can’t grow together, you’re just dying a little bit each day. This lesson was driven further home for me today by the daily email from DailyOm talking about squirrel energy. My partner is the squirrel to my tree (also my penguin and fellow rabbity-thing – which is what the above triptych is about) and reading this made me so happy, because it just shows me another way in which to rejoice in how he’s so perfect for me:
Affirming an Abundant Future
Native Americans considered all living beings as brothers and sisters that had much to teach including squirrels. These small creatures taught them to work in harmony with the cycles of nature by conserving for the winter months during times when food was plentiful. In our modern world, squirrels remind us to set aside a portion of our most precious resources as an investment in the future. Though food and money certainly fall into this category, they are only some of the ways our energy is manifested. We can conserve this most valuable asset by being aware of the choices we make and choosing only those that nurture and sustain us. This extends to the natural resources of our planet as well, using what we need wisely with the future in mind.
Saving and conservation are not acts of fear but rather affirmations of abundance yet to come. Squirrels accept life’s cycles, allowing them to face winters with the faith that spring will come again. Knowing that change is part of life, we can create a safe space, both spiritually and physically, that will support us in the present and sustain us in the future. This means not filling our space with things, or thoughts, that don’t serve us. Without hoarding more than we need, we keep ourselves in the cyclical flow of life when we donate our unwanted items to someone who can use them best. This allows for more abundance to enter our lives, because even squirrels know a life of abundance involves more than just survival.
Squirrels use their quick, nervous energy to enjoy life’s adventure. They are great communicators, and by helping each other watch for danger, they do not allow worry to drain them. Instead, they allow their curious nature to lead the way, staying alert to opportunities and learning as they play. Following the example set by our squirrel friends, we are reminded to enjoy the journey of life’s cycles as we plan and prepare for a wonderful future, taking time to learn and play along the way. (Source)
I also re-realized why I can’t have a relationship with my parents, especially my mother. I need to foster emotional health and healing for myself in order to share it with others and being near my mother is like having a raptor shred my heart relentlessly and that’s not something I can heal from and still have energy to do everything else I must do to function in this life. I think this has helped me finally accept that I can’t expect support to come from my parents, as I’d always wistfully hoped would happen in a perfect world where they would accept me for who I am.
I’ve also learned to accept that mine is a path of struggle that will probably be bloodied emotionally over and over again, but I’m big enough to handle it. I’ve been able to see things and respond with “well, here’s a new challenge” instead of the self-pitying and shaking my fist to fate that I used to waste my energy on.
My many issues with child birth (which was linked to my creativity in many ways) that you may remember if you’ve been reading this blog a while have come compltely full-circle and now I’ m waiting with joyous anticipation for the time when the Universe will let me know that we’re ready to bring the little soul, who’s already waiting for her new life to begin, into this material plane. I recently watched Orgasmic Birth, a documentary showing real births where women are beautifully transported into ectasy while delivering children and it was so beautiful and powerful that I cried through most of it. I know the Universe and I will be working on making my childbirth glorious like that and I’m excited to see the changes that this single goal is working in my life and mind.
Generally I’m just happy that I seem to finally have my life in balance, that I’m contributing to my community and creating a beautiful life I love. The recent shifts are really doing amazing things for me. I hope you’re able to enjoy it too.