Archive for May, 2009

Dropping Keys

I’m still reading through The Gift, and this poem by Hafiz completely changes the way I’ve been looking at many things I do that feel completely insignificant:

The Beautiful Rowdy Prisoners

The small man
Builds cages for everyone
He Knows.
While the sage,
Who has to duck his head
When the moon is low,
Keeps dropping keys all night long
For the Beautiful
I am so grateful for this vision! Now I can see my efforts as dropping keys for some future prisoner to unlock his/herself and that is a blessing!

May 21, 2009 at 8:41 pm Leave a comment

Spiritual Side of BDSM

The new relationship status between me and my baby just keeps making things between us sweeter. I always felt that my spirituality and sexuality were deeply connected and that eventually they would merge to produce some amazing result in my life, but I never would have imagined it would be this: by being “Mz. Daddy” to him, I’m helping to break down his resistence to Source.

Two nights ago, he was all dressed up how he likes with his collar on and all, and we were being intimate, chatting & playing with one another. I told him about – a gift the Universe had revealed to me earlier that day – about my power name (which it turns out is fireflower) and how I’d always felt I had one, but had never known it before. The look that came over his face when I told him this (which would have been extremely difficult for me to share with him before our new intimacies) was amazing and he seemed to suddenly have his eyes opened to my energetic body.

He started to share with me how he had always wanted to be a super hero and how he had assumed that he must have the power, but he needed to get more to be “super.” This led to him becoming a type of “energy vampire” and he always imagined locking all that power in an iron box around his heart. (He described it and it was the same box that fell of my heart when I finally forgave myself for being molested!) He said that he’d been storing up this energy for years and he had been trying to give it to me over the years, off and on, when we’d been together.

My memory of the events as they happened is a little fuzzy, but basically we started making love and I had him hold on to my feet (which I’ve always disliked having touched before). Suddenly, we could both see and feel the flow of energy moving in circles through our bodies and as we orgasmed together it seemed to come straight from our sacral and heart chakras.

I urged him to let go of the energy he’d been holding on to and to let the beautiful light that is always with him, behind him and surrounding him to enter into him. I had him visualize it as releasing the energy through his chest and pulling the light in through his back, encouraging him to physically feel it pressing against his back, eager to get in.

Then he stated his intention to give all that energy he’d stolen to me, transforming his transgressions through his love for me. He placed his hands over my heart and I orgasmed as I felt a beautiful cloud of white energy like a nebula full of stars passing into me. I can still feel and see it surrounding my heart.

I am so grateful I am finally with a partner I can fully express myself with! It was very telling that during this, his eyes widened and he gasped, shocked: “I thought I knew you.” I knew then that he’d finally seen me fully and it is so good to be truly known.

May 21, 2009 at 8:35 pm 2 comments

What I Was Born to Do

Karen’s latest Wings update completely captured what has been happening in my soul and life the past few days:

Things are still moving into place, as we ready for our very permanent positions which will be completed during the solstice of June.

These new changes and our new positionings run very deep. If you are one who is sensitive, you may be feeling deep movement within like a bulldozer or glacier moving inside, placing everything right where it needs to be. This “invisible hand” is from the divine indeed, as it knows so very well exactly what it is doing, even if at times things do not make much sense, or may even take us very much by surprise.

Miracles and more miracles are the earmark of this exciting energy, as our divine and perfect positions on the earth, divine and perfect partners, divine and perfect contributions, and divine and perfect areas of residency, to name a few, are now being lined up for us, if we only allow and trust.

What is occurring now, is that we are finally, but finally being put into place as the divine and rightful stewards of the planet. We are being moved into position via a total and complete anchoring into the earth, so in this way, we will finally feel as though we are home indeed. Thus, “home” will no longer be out there and up there, but very here. And so, feeling a deep bulldozer energy is only indicative of this very deep grounding.

In this way, we will experience feelings that we have never felt before. A calm, a confidence, a sense of security, feelings of great protection, and even of a magnificent power, but only of the divine.

My relationship with my darling boyfriend, now nearing its second anniversary, became incredibly deep and close a couple nights ago. We’ve been into BDSM for a while, but we had a wonderful conversation that really dug deeply into what influenced us to desire it and how our inborn desires connected us with different media and stories… It ended up being a conversation about what we truly desire and he opened up to me and let his true self shine, and asked to be my sub.

I’ve known that this would happen in our relationship eventually, and I was waiting for us to reach the point of trust where we’d be able to take this step and now that it’s happened I’m overwhelmed, awed and grateful for the changes it’s having inside me.

First off, understanding that being a domme requires the complete acceptance of my sub’s true self with the added responsibility of caring for, loving and challenging my sub has filled me with a new willingness to accept him as he is 100% of the time and not just when it’s convenient or positive for me. I feel I’ve become a channel for growth guidance and that has quickly encouraged me to put aside all my emotional pettiness and to live deeply from my spirit so that I will be grounded enough, strong enough, loving enough and divine enough to meet or facilitate the meeting of his needs.

Secondly, I am amazed at how natural living in this state of existence feels. I’ve considered this lifestyle for so long, never thinking that I would be able to enter deeply into it as I have now, and I’m amazed at how different – so much better – it is than how I perceived it from the outside. When we decided I would be his domme and he my sub my soul cried out that this is what it was born for and I could tell his did too.

Seeing the joy on his face, the playfullness and laughter it’s brought to his life, I can’t imagine living any other way.

The decision we’ve made is a covenant, as binding as marriage in our eyes and I am so pleased to see our paths truly united into one we’ll walk together.

May 14, 2009 at 2:57 pm 1 comment

Frederick, Our Fluffy Familiar

Sleeping with Frederick

Sleeping with Frederick

Frederick, my cat familiar, took a break from it for a while, but recently he has been back sleeping with me and my partner. Usually when he does this, he and I will share dreams and our spirits will run around anywhere and everywhere we want, going on adventures and experiencing different places.

Last night, he was turned towards Matt instead of me and I didn’t have any dream adventures with him. But when we woke up, Matt told me that Frederick had been in his dream for the first time! In it, Frederick was the size of a large dog and Matt was petting him all over.

It’s really exciting to me that Matt had this experience, especially since, to my knowledge, he hasn’t had any such dream adventures before. It makes me think that he’s opening himself up to vibrations he wasn’t receiving before and that’s awesome.

May 11, 2009 at 5:37 pm 1 comment

Hafiz’s Gift

I’ve been feeling very tired, emotionally drained and unsupported lately. But something that has been bringing me comfort and moments of joy is The Gift, a book of poetry by the Sufi Master Hafiz. I tend to write down inspiring or touching things that I read. The selections below are all handwritten into my journal; all are taken from The Gift, some are full poems and some just fragments:

We Have Not Come to Take Prisoners

We have not come here to take prisoners
But to surrender ever more deeply
To freedom and joy.

We have not come into this exquisite world
To hold ourselves hostage from love.

Run, my dear
From anything
That may not strengthen
Your precious budding wings.

Run like hell my dear,
From anyone likely
To put a sharp knife
Into the sacred, tender vision
Of your beautiful heart.

For we have not come here to take prisoners
Or to confine our wondrous spirits,

But to experience ever and more deeply
Our divine courage, freedom, and LIGHT!

All this time
The sun never says to the earth,

“You owe

What happens
With a love like that,
It lights the

A pair
Of mismatched newlyweds
One of whom still feels very insecure,
I keep turning to God

When all your desires are distilled
You will cast just two votes:

To love more,
And be happy.

I know the ectasy of your heart’s wings
When they make love against the Sky.

Something divine happens to the

Shapes the hand and tongue
And eye into
The world

I cannot sit still with my countrymen in chains.
I cannot act mute
Hearing the world’s loneliness
Crying near the Beloved’s heart.

Love Is the Funeral Pyre

Love is
The funeral pyre
Where I have laid my living body.

All the false notions of myself
That once caused fear, pain,

Have turned to ash
As I neared God.

What has risen
From the tangled web of thought and sinew

Now shines with jubilation
Through the eyes of angels

And screams from the guts of
Infinite existence

Love is the funeral pyre
Where the heart must lay
Its body.

Your love
Should never be offered to the mouth of a

Only to someone
Who has the valor and daring
To cut pieces of their soul off with a knife

Then weave them into a blanket
To protect you.

The Vintage Man

Between a good artist
And a great one


The novice
Will often lay down his tool
Or brush

Then pick up an invisible club
On the mind’s table

And helplessly smash the easels and

Whereas the vintage man
No longer hurts himself or anyone

And keeps on

Indeed God
Has written a thousand promises
All over your heart

That say,
Life, life, life
Is far to sacred to
Ever end.

May 8, 2009 at 5:10 pm 1 comment

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 20 other followers