Blessing Like Ammachi

March 31, 2009 at 2:55 pm 2 comments

The following passage is from Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio. If you’re a woman and have never read this book, you don’t know what you’re missing:

“Ammachi is a woman from India who comes to America and has these ashram things. The first time I went to her ashram thing, I had no idea what it was about. I saw a bunch of mostly white people dressed in white clothes who bugged me with their “Oh, I am so very holy and drink herbal tea constantly” vibration.

“But the music was amazing.

“Ammachi sat in the front of the room on a bunch of pillows. Musicians, attendants, children and flowers surrounded her. Thousands of flowers, like when Princess Diana died. She sat there with her eyes closed, and chanted. Probably, she was meditating. Wearing a flowing white sari, she was covered with chiffon, silk, everything soft and whispery. I figured she understood the concept of an ashram far better than I, so I did the same as her. Closed my eyes, sat and listened.

“This lasted a long time, but like in a dream, I don’t know how many minutes and hours passed.

“Then there were the rustling sounds of people standing up. I opened my eyes. Everyone was forming a double-file line that led to Ammachi.

“My friends told me she was gonna bless people, so we queued up. The line was very, very long, snaking throughout the entire large building we were in. If it had been a line at the post office that I absolutely had to stand in for some reason or another, I woulda sold my soul to the person in front to give me cuts. But this line was different. The music and nice quiet felt good. Being blessed by an incarnationg of the Goddess is also much more alluring than overnighting IRS forms.

“Before I knew it, I was next.

“An attendant led me to her and kinda helped me kneel down right. Ammachi seized me gently – if you can imagine that – and pulled me into her lap. She cradled me, murmuring sweet chanting sounds into my ear. Her body engulfed mine and I relaxed – almost melted – into her. My face buried in her shoulder and neck, I breathed in her smell.

“This is when I really, truly started to freak on the wonder of Ammachi. After holding hundreds of people in this manner, you would think she’d start to kinda stink. I was nowhere near the beginning of the line. The sun set and went down, down, down, down to Australia while I stood in that line. A lot of people were in her arms before me, but the woman smelled like flowers. Not perfumey at all. Like if you covered every inch of your bedroom floor with freshly cut bouquets of jasmine, gardenia, roses, yacinth, carnations, sweet peas and freesia is what she smelled like. And this smell wasn’t coming from the flowers around her, it exuded from her skin, the fabrics of her sari and veils. It filled my whole body, permeated my pores. Her smell made me so giddy the attendant had to help me stand back up again. She stared deeply into my eyes and pressed flower petals and chocolate kisses into my hand.

“I stumbled away like a drunk.

“For a whole week afterwards, my entire apartment smelled like Ammachi. Everywhere I went, I smelled her smell. Walking down the street with one of my friends, the smell of Ammachi would assail me. I’d go “Damn, do you smell that?” And my friend’d go, “Car exhaust? What?”

“As Ammachi’s smell faded from my life, I started thinking about what happened when she blessed me.

“It was the first time in my life I felt loved. Physically, emotionally, psychically, spiritually, deeply loved from the epidermis of my skin that featured a couple of ugly zits, to the core of my heart that is still traumatized by the death of my brother, abortions, meanspirited lovergirls and other nasty hurts. It is a consciousness-broadening freak-out to feel love in this way.”

***

I want to be like Ammachi – not in particulars, but in general – I want to love so deeply it pours out of me in a physical scent manifestation.

I have a vision of myself radiating light, warmth, comfort and the scent of roses, past judgement, past fear and full of gentle power.

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Entry filed under: goddess, love, spiritual, vision. Tags: , .

Part of the Whole Intuitive Learning

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. jules  |  April 9, 2009 at 5:06 pm

    Lovely. Absolutely lovely. I’m so happy you had that opportunity.

    Reply
  • 2. swethz  |  July 10, 2009 at 3:31 pm

    I competely agree with your post. I will be going to see her this weekend and am so excited. I’ve been going for a few years now and it’s always like renewing this spiritual insurance… it’s amazing! Also, your post brought tears to my eyes b/c I can relate!!

    Reply

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