Up in the Air

March 27, 2009 at 2:50 pm Leave a comment

The past couple of months have been extremely hard for me even as I’ve noticed dramatic growth in my spiritual life and a greater connection to my True Self and Source.  I live with  constant unknowing of whether my job will continue after this month or next. My darling boyfriend’s great grandmother, who was like another mother to him as a kid, recently died and the many emotions that has brought up for him and me (not knowing what he was thinking and having to deal with his extremely stressful and controlling family, which brought up lots of bad memories about how my ex(husband)’s family treated me like shit) has been exhausting for us both.

Now we are moving into a new apartment (because it’s cheaper and in this situation I have to plan as if I will be losing my job which is much more high paying than jobs currently available) and while the Universe was loving enough to find us a place with our current landlords, which removes some of the stress related to moving, it is still a significant drain on my emotions and energy. Living in uncertainty is very difficult for me and being in between places is so hard. I’ve cried so much about this move, even though in many ways I KNOW it is a positive thing over all (and I’m so looking forward to hardwood floors, a front porch and a tiny lawn with some grass where I can ground myself when I’m feeling scattered); it is still hard for me to be in a place where I am living in constant chaos the way my life has been these past months.

I am working hard to remember to breathe and let things be and I have been happily surprised to see how well I am able to honor my emotions and let them flow through me instead of holding on to them and letting them rot inside me, but today I am just very tired and I needed to get this off my chest. I will be so glad when this move is over.

Thanks for listening.

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