Angel Wings & Self-Acceptance

February 13, 2009 at 4:51 pm 1 comment

The hardest lessons for me to learn are the ones that involve self-acceptance.  I have a hard time accepting myself when I see so clearly how so many aspects of myself are not accepted or even welcome to be mentioned around others.  I recently discovered that part of the reason I feel this way is because I have Asperger’s syndrome – a high-functioning autism that makes it extremely difficult for a person to relate to other people. It has led me to feel as though I’ve just been pretending to be a human most of my life.  Having to re-examine my life with this in mind, so much makes sense that I never understood before, but I spent the last several days grappling with this fact simply because I DO NOT want to accept that part of myself because I see it as my fatal flaw that keeps me from success and I want so badly to rip it out of my self and be normal.

I can’t even begin to elaborate how this affects my life, my thoughts, my relationships and my interactions all day every day, but please believe me when I say that it is major and it’s the dirty little secret that I used to not tell anyone about, of course that was partly because I had no idea how to speak about it, that’s the whole thing about Asperger’s.

Every time I have to accept a hard reality about myself, I have to change the way I act, because I like to go through life and pretend like I don’t have any problems – or at least not problems that I cannot change.  So having to accept this huge part of myself that I have hated for so long was incredibly difficult.  But I finally came to a place of acceptance, which is encouraging me to be a quieter, calmer version of myself than I have ever been and is going to rely on my continued awareness of myself and the world around me.

The minute I came to this feeling of acceptance, my angel wings sprouted.

I kept reading Karen Bishop’s spiritual updates describing how many of us are becoming Earth Angels, and I have felt a kind of merged resonance with angels where I saw their wings expressed in my aura, but I had never seen real honest-to-goodness huge feathered wings sprout from my shoulder blades (all on one level of reality that’s different from seeing the surface layer of things), felt their weight and power or imagined I’d really have wings one day (though I admit it’s been a fantasy of mine all my life).  But now here they are and all I had to do was accept the part of myself I’ve been hating my whole life.

No wonder it took so long.

I have used them to hold myself and my lover and though I haven’t said anything I can tell from the way he responds that he is sensing this new energy and he can feel the comfort I want to hold him in.

I’m still reeling from the mental and energetic changes.  But I do feel calmer, quieter and in many ways more sure of myself with a heightened sensitivity I’m not sure is permanent or a result of the recent events and my regular monthly womanhood cycle.

I’m just watching, waiting and continuing to develop trust and open communications with my higher self and guides in my new habit of daily meditation.

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Entry filed under: emotions, energy, healing, love, vision. Tags: , , , .

My Magical Boobs Corageous Souls, Life Challenges

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