Archive for September, 2008

Encountering Angels

I never really “believed” or even bothered considering angels most of my life.  Though I was raised Baptist, angels seemed even more mystical and less real than the god who was ignoring me so I gave them no thought.  Since then, I’ve been -I’m sad to admit it- fairly knee-jerky when anything about Christianity or the Bible suddenly jumped out at me.  Only recently have I lost this, which is a good thing because I wouldn’t have be able to read Simplified Magic: A Beginner’s Guide to The New Age Qabala if I was still all prickly like that, and I’m so glad that I am!

Though this book is about the Qabala, it goes much more into detail about the angels, god name and other information associated with the idea of the Tree of Life – something I’ve been in loved with ever since I heard about it.  I learned about it via studying old alchemical illuminated texts so coming to it from a perspective that is much more heavily using the judeo-christian language is a bit odd for me.

Simplified Magic talks about the Qabala as a means of accessing energy levels/centers in ourselves and the Universe.  The tree of life is composed of 10 energetic levels, each of which is associated with a color, a god name, an angel and emotional/mental/spiritual qualities.  These are presented in the book by a series of Tree of Life drawings with the different god names and angel names listed on them.  The author encourages accessing the levels of power by asking the associated angel to work with you and though I was extremely hesitant, when I looked at the drawing with the angel names listed I was immediately struck by the name Michael and felt a strong rush of energy connecting me with it.

So despite trepidation, I knew this was something I should do.  I called out to Michael by name and was instantly met with an image of a tall, beautiful masculine figure with golden curls and eyes like two pillars of flame.  I’ve been talking with him since then and realized that he is a part of myself that was always in me (part of my spirit warrior self) that I wasn’t able to acknowledge until now – because it means acknowledging that I need someone’s help which has always been hard for me.  When I first called to him, I felt an immediate change in my energy field.  It became denser and more solid and very strong.  Since then, the interaction hasn’t been so dramatic, but I definitely still feel calmer and stronger when I call to him.

Here’s what Simplified Magic has to say about Michael:

The Archangel that we meet at this level of consciousness is Michael.  He is the Prince of Splendor and Wisdom and the Great Protector.  Legend has it that the Cherubim were formed from the tears Michael shed over the sins of the faithful.  He is the spirit of the planet Mercury and he brings to us the gift of patience.  It is very appropriate that he operate in this sphere.  Many times, striving for greater and high knowledge can put us in psychic danger, and at those times it is good to have him at our side. …

In this level we awaken the virtue of truth.  If there is falsehood in others or deception, or if there is falsehood or deception in ourselves, it can be revealed through contact with this level of consciousness.  We find that the knowledge opens up greater manifestation of that knowledge in our lives – whether through greater health or learning or prosperity.

Next I read about the angel Haniel:

Haniel is…the Archangel of Love and Harmony and is considered the patron of the arts.  Those working in creative fields could do no better than to ask her assistance.  Under Haniel work the Elohim whose name translates into gods/goddesses.  They are the actual energies which caused man to translate them as the varios dieties that make up mythology and religions.  They are, in fact, protectors of religion, and they watch over the leaders of people and help inspire right decisions.

While I didn’t have a sudden burst of intiution while looking at Haniel’s name, I felt strongly pulled to her after reading about her and the level of energy she represents.  I asked her to come, less scared than before but a little considerned because my encounter with Michael was so overwhelming at first, and she appeared to me very gently.  She seemed to be Michael’s twin, tall, golden and curly haired, but her eyes were gentle and I felt as though she touched my heart and stroked my hair.  I realized her energy flow was much more subtle and compassionate than Michael’s and I welcomed her, asking her to help me love.

There is no doubt in my mind that calling on these two angels brought about the remarkable events of yesterday.  My little sister I hadn’t spoken with in over a year and I became reconciled and I spoke honestly and thoroughly through my relationship with my older sister, which hadn’t happened for a VERY long time.  Our relationships are now at a completely different level, much closer to any sort of intimacy than we’ve had for such a long time.  I feel very blessed to have reconnected this way, even if family stuff always does leave me feeling weary and weepy.  In many ways, I feel like I’ve lost as much as I gained in those conversations but I have to sit back knowing I’ve done what I can and being grateful that we’ve even gotten this far.  And, of course, I’m grateful to my newly-found angels for helping me through.  I can see them in my mind’s eye leading me with either hand as if I were a child lost in the woods, which has been keeping me humble and comforted.


September 17, 2008 at 6:05 pm 6 comments

Birthday Ritual Wrap-Up

My birthday ritual went slightly different than planned.  I had to skip the bathing bit due to time constraints, but the rest of the changes were simple additions, which were adding Tarot cards symbolizing energies I want to have in my life and my little “household gods” to the circle.

My circle of crystals, tarot cards and gods/goddesses

A close-up on the “altar” section with incense, candle, water, soil and my spirit bells (one is directly below the far right cup holding water and the other is “below” the incense holder)

I did the ritual as planned and it was amazing to feel a palpable change in the energy where the circle was.  I’ve never felt it so powerfully when doing a ritual.  As I finished and put each of the pieces back where they generally go, I blessed them with a little “let the power of this circle stay with you” to dispurse the energy back into my living space, to support me.

For someone who never held a whole lot of stock my ritual, I’m certainly enjoying them these days.

September 16, 2008 at 9:17 pm Leave a comment

Birthday Ritual

I’ve been mulling over what sort of ritual I should do to mark my birthday and this morning I received inspiration.

I plan to ritually bathe, create a circle (I’m thinking with my crystals) and sit inside it while reciting this out loud to myself:

I am a child of the stars

Carried by this womb, Earth

May she bless me with her water (I plan to cross myself with water while saying this – because a cross in a circle is the Medicine Wheel)

May she bless me with her air (I’ll cross myself with incense)

May she bless me with her soil and stones (here I’ll cross myself with soil and possibly one of my special rocks)

May she bless me with her fire (I’ll cross myself with a candle)

That I, in turn, may nourish her

And every soul I encounter

With the fullness of life

Which is joy

May I always be ready to be birthed anew

Until my True Self emerges

Goddess Warrior of All That Is

Then I plan to use my “spirit bells” (a pair of homemade noisemakers that I use to help me focus my energy in a weird form of sound meditation) and walk the circle, raising power before resting and grounding myself with my palms and head to the floor while sending my thanks to the Universe and Gaia.

September 11, 2008 at 3:06 pm Leave a comment

Energy Upsets and Physical Effects

I had a rough weekend and my energy is all over the place.  This is the first time my moral compass (just imagine Tiwaz as the needle on a compass and that’s another metaphor for my heart) has conflicted with my “new” family – my fiance’s mother.  It’s having a massive effect on my digestive system.  I projectile vomited after having to contain what I felt about some of her friends’ treatment of my fiance the other night, due to my respect for her and not wanting to disrespect her friends.  Also, my body feels like it’s forgotten how to breathe deeply.  I have been struggling the past couple days to draw a deep breath.  It’s an icky situation that talking through hasn’t made any of us feel better about and my stomach is lurching all over this morning.  I’m going to abstain from eating for a while today until this energy calms down.  I would feel a lot happier if I wasn’t fighting to breathe.  Of course, it hasn’t helped that I’ve been unable to do my usual yoga routine (due to menstrual issues yesterday and time issues today).

September 8, 2008 at 3:22 pm Leave a comment

My Comfort and Shield

When Native American men used to go on vision quests, they’d be gifted with a shield on their return.  This shield represented everything the man had gone through, his power animals and his special skills.  People could look at this shield and know immediately who this man was and what he stood for.

I feel that way about my tattoos.  After reading about that, I realized I am making my own shield out of my body and that is pretty awesome – especially since I only recently learned about this concept and I’ve been getting tattoos since I was 19.  Of course, I always wanted to be sure that the tattoos I was getting represented my self and my journey and now I know why.

I present to you my shield in progress:

The tattoo on the left is the one I got at 19. It is made up of two symbols representing a dolphin (one of my totems) and the ocean.  This represents my creative drive and the creative process in general: the dolphin represents the intelligence of the conscious mind while the ocean represents the much larger and unknowable subconscious.  As a writer, this process is very active in my daily life and I have come to rely upon it in many subtle ways.

The tattoo on the right is a line from James Joyce’s Ulysses.  The last line in the only chapter with a female narrator.  Her chapter is given over to reviewing her life, especially her marriage in which she is dissatisfied.  She is remembering how she and her husband became engaged and ends the novel with “Yes I said Yes I will Yes.”  I got this right after separating from my husband and not only does it represent the spiritual growth I went through getting my English degree, it also represents the growth I went through because of my husband, even if it was unpleasant, and my renewed dedication to saying “yes” to life when I know I must, even when I know that pain awaits me if I do.  The triple yes is also a spell in my mind affirming directed will and energy, as well as evoking the triple goddess.

Last, but not least, is my most recent:

This represents intelligence, sacrificing oneself for knowledge (because of the Raven’s association with Odin who hung himself on the world tree to gain knowledge of the runes), rebirth, trickery and so many other things I can’t name.  I associate it with Native American mythology, where it is a tricker, Norse mythology where they are Odin’s thoughts and memory, and Seattle where I lived for two years when I was starting to come into my adult mind and power.

So that’s my shield so far.  Maybe it’s too esoteric for others to really read, but it gives me comfort and strength to remember how much I’ve been through and how much I’ve been able to achieve.

September 5, 2008 at 9:32 pm Leave a comment

Finding My Life’s Purpose

I Twittered the other day about vibing with emerald and turquoise.  Vibe is my new favorite term for sending or accessing energy (I misappropriated it from this book).  They’re in the rough and are my new favorite crystals.  Partly because they’re in the rough – it helps me remember that I don’t have to be perfect to be beautiful and fulfill my purpose – and partly because I’ve been working on being more conscious in my daily interactions and to live from the heart chakra (love) instead of the solar plexus chakra (ego).  Emerald/green activates and strengthen the heart chakra and is also my Celtic astrology-related stone for my inner self.  Turquoise/blue is for calm, consciousness, removing negativity as well as being linked to the heart chakra.

For the past week I’ve been keeping them with me daily and meditating for a few moments with/on them and the qualities I am calling into my life.  I also mentioned that I have been working with the Tiwaz rune (link).  Along with vibing the emerald and turquoise, I’ve been concentrating on calling that into my life: consciousness, spiritual warriorhood, purpose, directed will.  For me, Tiwaz is the eqivalent of Thor’s hammer: directed energy, motivated by the spirit and a sense of just responsibility, moving forward with great power.  It is also the same as a tree, pulling energy through a piece of wood, connecting the material and spiritual planes.

Thursday of last week, I wrote new “affirmations.”  These aren’t to adjust my mind so much as remind me of things I already know, but keep forgetting when I let my solar plexus chakra take control over my heart.  My new affirmations/reminders are:
I live from the heart.
I flow like water.
I am love and beauty.
I am a spirit warrior.

I say them each 3 times in the mirror, making eye contact with myself, which I normally don’t do.  I can feel the realignments in my energy field when I do this, like the realignments in my body and energy when I’m doing yoga in the mornings.

So I’ve been doing all these things to be more conscious and live from my heart chakra like I said.  It’s been having a noticable e/affect? on my mood, energy and mental state/train of thought.  I’m definitely feeling more divine these days.

Saturday afternoon, I was once again meditating/vibing on the emerald, turquoise and Tiwaz rune.  I’ve been trying to define to myself my life’s purpose, by the way…  I laid down and was breathing deeply and felt the urge to put my hands (where I was clasping the crystals) and arms straight above my head, forming a triangle around it.  I concentrated on the Tiwaz rune, holding it in my minds eye, watching it glow golden and red alternately.  Spatially in my energy field, I was holding it like Thor in the comic books while it propelled me towards purpose.  My hands and arms started vibrating and shaking as the Tiwaz energy flowed through my body.  The rune lifted off the hammer energy and flowed through me to my heart where it inscribed itself on my heart like a rune stone, glowing red with power.  Instantly I realized that my life’s purpose is to be a spirit warrior.

I also realized that I already knew that – my higher self LOVES always pointing that out. 🙂 She’s a bit smug like a sassy schoolgirl who always calls the shots in her little group of girlfriends, if that makes sense.  It’s good though, because I love being in control and teasing so of course I have those qualities in my spirit.  It reassures me that I’m me.

September 2, 2008 at 5:59 pm 1 comment

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