Archive for June, 2008

My Crystals

The weekend before I left for Colorado and while I was there, I went on a crystal hunt.  So from the very few I started with a month ago, I now have about 30 that I carry around with me (pictured above), two larger ones in my apartment and a small container of rose quartz shards & a moonstone that’s by my earth goddess (more about that at a later date).

I wanted to share a little about some of them, because I think it’s neat, plus you can learn what they’re associated with.

1 – Bismuth: relieves emotional & spiritual isolation, allowing the feeling of connectedness, stone of transformation, calms states of change, power of wisdom.

2 – Shiva stone: “‘Shiva Lingams’, sacred to the Hindu tradition, are ceremoniously gathered once a year from the muddy banks of the Narmada River, one of the 7 sacred places of pilgrimage in India.  They are naturally formed of a mineral called crypto-crystalline quartz, with iron oxide deposits theorized by geologists to have been implanted in the riverbed by a meteorite millions of years ago.

“The Lingam is representative of the power of Shiva, The Lord of Creation.  The shape embodies the masculine creative energy, dynamic expression and knowledge.  The markings, ‘yoni’, depict feminine energy, the seed which is fertilized to manifest the creative power in the dance of the cosmos.

“The lingam also represents harmony and balance within the hearts of all of us, the Light that shines from within.  This Sacred Stone relates to the fifth charka, the heart charka, and is the manifestation of the love energy that resides in all of us.  It seems by destiny everyone has a lingam that has an energy that relates intimately to him or her.” (from ShivaStone.com)

3 – Jet: Protection, purification, power, healing, money, channels the elements of the earth’s energies in a desired direction.

4 – Moonstone: fulfilling your destiny/role in the universe, love, power, healing, luck, self-knowledge, inner growth and strength, cycles

5 – Ametrine (the purple one): balancing female/male qualities, mental openings, peace, tranqulity & cooperation, dispersing negativity, energizing, stabalizing, RNA/DNA correcting

6 – Garnet (the tan one): health, commitment to purpose, others and self, order from chaos, purification, cleansing, elimination of disorder, energy flow regulator

7 – Amethyst: good dreams and sleep, protection from deception from self or others, power, healing, spiritual wisdom, humility, positivity

So now that I have all of these, what do I do with them?  Well, I put them under my pillow when I sleep and it helps me sleep better.  I carry them around with me and play with them when I want to either 1) put energy into them or 2) pull energy out of them.  I also sit and breathe while holding one or the other of them sometimes when I’m focusing on a specific problem in my life.

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June 27, 2008 at 5:53 pm 2 comments

Being a Shaman

Ever since I found out I have Native American ancestry (one of my ancestors “went native” back in the frontier days) and especially since I went to the Pacific Northwest and studied Native American art and lore, I’ve begun to consider myself a shaman. I admitted this to myself abashedly, mostly because what I know about shaman is so slight (except that they travel to other planes of consciousness, learn from nature and are, by nature, solitary practioners), and because I felt I couldn’t be sure the name really fit myself and my practice.

So when I got to the chapter in Leaves of Yggdrasil on “Runic Magic” I was thrilled to find a detailed overview of shamanic practice because I finally had something to “prove” to myself that this title I like to call myself isn’t a crock of shit. Of course, my higher self told me I should’ve just trusted myself enough not to doubt, but I’m still working on that. Here’s some of what the book had to say:

The magic is in the mind of the sorcerer, whatever kind of magic is used. Whatever energy is used has to be transmitted through two agencies. The energy is invoked, processed first through the subconscious mind and then processed mentally, before it is available for use. This is an act of will which creates change on three levels. In drawing energy from a given plane, a vacuum is created which has to be compensated for in turn. This is the magical working of the Gebo rune, the rune which is used in balancing. Life energy has to be exchanged for life energy; therefore the energy employed in magical work has to be compensated for with life energy from the Self. This results in:

  • A change in the unconscious of the individual.
  • A change in the personal web of the individual.
  • A change in the individual’s conscious mind.

Shamanism relies heavily on the information received in altered states of consciousness, either in the dream state or during so-called “traveling.” There are differences between these two states, and for the inexperienced it can be difficult to distinguish between the two. In dreams, things happen to the dreamer while s/he is in a passive mode, for it can be said that the dream state is a manifestation of the personal or, more rarely, the collective unconscious. In traveling or trances, however, the shaman remains in control of his or her state of consciousness, and his or her actions continue to be determined by his or her own will. S/he is still able to make decisions, is aware of what is happening and can intervene if s/he wishes. In these states the shaman is at a level which is deeper than the personal unconscious: s/he is on the level of the primal unconsciousness of the entire planet.

Each shaman will encounter different shamanic experiences. The shaman has to learn by experience how to distinguish between the various levels of reality and must clearly know what is real and what is fantasy, and to what extent s/he is acting under his/her own conscious will. S/he must create his/her own system of working and not be enslaved by anyone else’s. Shamanism is usually practiced alone or with one or two apprentices.

I love this because it explains so much about me in one fell swoop: my tendancy to daydream/have lucid dreams and true dreams/project myself astrally/have dreams about interacting with other ppl’s unconscious projections of themselves in a fight for light on the planet; my stubborn refusal to accept any prescribed mode of religion as my own instead weaving my own out of the bits and parts that mean the most to me and leaving the rest behind; and, my like of being so drunk that I can step outside of myself and let a part of my spirit interact with others that I normally can’t do. Also, if you look back at the post about my runes, you’ll notice a lot of them are linked to shamanistic pratice.

Anyway, in case you couldn’t tell, I really liked this book.

June 26, 2008 at 2:41 pm 6 comments

My Runes

When I was in Colorado reading Leaves of Yggdrissal, I asked the runes/my higher self to shoe me the runes that related to my life’s purpose & expression to jump out and grab me.  This was partially inspired by my recent stint of crystal collecting as I’ve noticed that the stones I collect all are associated with a few interwoven concerns, such as peace/calm, unity in society and within myself, etc.  I was sure that there would be a few runes that would be representative of myself and life in the same kind of way.

Here is what I came away with (the associated meanings are partially derived from Leaves of Yggdrissal and partly my personal notes):

Uruz – the insistence of life to continue against insurmountable odds, patience, courage, endurance, timely aggression, creative force, resourcefulness, persistence, will to live, primal impulse to be/become, growth through conflict/change, overcoming obstacles, healing, rejuvenation, physical & mental strength, new opportunities, risk-taking [I talked about this a little the other day as well]

Ansuz – communication, consciousness, intelligence, reason, air, sound, poetry, speech, ancestors, prana, breath of life, unbinding

Raido – control, movement, ritual, personal will & rights balanced with tribal/community rights, earned power & authority, judgement, taking charge of one’s self, acting from personal will/master of one’s circumstances, conscience, courage to act, extending one’s degree of control, taking initiative, cycles of seasons, shamanic travel into realms of consciousness

Kenaz – knowledge, consciousness, intellect, to know/be familiar with, craft, torch of knowledge, kin/like-minded people, spiritual leadership, esoteric knowledge, sex magic, cunt, consciousness of self, inborn knowledge, self-trust, light on the inner path, enthusiasm, inspiration, uncovering secrets, ridding unwanted influences/attracting desired ones, keeping knowledge maintained in altered states, bringing forth from the mind or body

Sowulo – life-giving femininity, sun, nuturing, comforting, higher self, higher will & intent, individual evolution, inner self, spiritual guidance, leadership, lightning, The Tower aka sudden, dramatic change, and consciousness

Teiwaz – battle for justice, law & order, social values, contracts & oaths, valor, bravery, honor, power to tackle a difficult situation, spirit warrior, masculine fertility, sky father, Yggdrasil

Berkana – earth goddess, female fertility, gestation, birth, child care, female health, healing, sacred trees, altered states of consciousness, soul journeys, ‘shrooms, rebirth, growth, creativity, childbirth, motherhood, protection for vulnerable females (when in a triple rune charm). [I’ve talked about this one before, as well.]

The more you know me, the more all of these make sense together.  I’m not sure how they come off otherwise.

June 23, 2008 at 5:01 pm 1 comment

The Uruz Rune: Nature Insists on Survival

I was gone all last week to a staff retreat in Grand Lake, Colorado where I had my best encounter with runes yet,  thanks to Leaves of Yggdrissal, the most well-researched and best-written resource on runes I’ve found so far.

When we arrived in Colorado, I was struck with heartbreaking sadness over the many groves of completely dead cone pines we passed.  Over and over we saw areas that had once been lush and green turned brown and red by the death of the trees.  I was so saddened by this, I stopped looking out the windows most of the time and tried not to look at the dying trees when I did.

After spending some time at the lodge with Leaves of Yggdrissal, I gained a new appreciation and respect for the the rune Uruz, which as I now understand it, contains the suggestion of the unstoppable force of nature, even in the face of seeming absolute destruction.  I was both saddened further and heartened by this rune, knowing that Gaia can care for herself much better than I am aware (even if I don’t want to stand by and watch what I consider to be “bad things” happening).

Later that week, we learned how the pines that are dying are a pioneer species that would have died out for the most part many years ago of humans weren’t using fire suppresion techniques.  Now that the pines are finally dying, the aspens (the only major tree group in the area) are bursting forth with life and the underbrush is more varied and beautiful than it has been for many years.

Besides this specific example, Uruz is what I now can hold to when I want something to remind me that the world is not going to end, even when it feels it must.

June 18, 2008 at 7:34 pm 1 comment

The Pendulum Swing

When I was a kid, change of a drastic nature was often compared to the swinging of a pendulum from one side to a completely opposite side.  Recently, a pendulum swing took place in my soul and for the first time ever in my entire life, I happily fantasized about being pregnant.

For those of you who have been reading this blog a while, I know you’ve gotten how ill-at-ease I have been with the whole idea of childbirth and all.  It was a problem started by my mother’s attitude being my primary example and compounded by unwanted pregnancies and miscarriages of my own.

But with all the healing I’ve been doing lately, I am finally able to experience the joy and desire for a child with my partner – I’ve wanted a child with him in a part of me for a while, but definitely not the active fantasizing part of me.  So to have one secret part of myself finally be in agreement with the conscious part of myself feels incredible.  Plus, I have the joy of being able to let my love fully express his desire for our baby now that I’ve gotten over my knee-jerk reaction of “ACK!” to the idea of baby-making and baby-birthing.

Granted, this isn’t something I plan to act on immediately, I’ve got debts that I must pay off before I can even think about being able to afford a child.  But being able to let my spirit move in that direction and the hope that I’ll be able to connect with the soul of my daughter (I’ve known forever I would have a daughter) and be in communion with her long before she enters into me.  She’s already contacted my partner and I admit, it made me a little jealous.

But I’m saying all of this to say that 1) I’m very excited to be at this place in my life, for a long time I didn’t think it would ever happen and 2) I’m also excited to be so in synch with my partner and being able to enjoy this spiritual journey with each other, knowing that each step we take on our own also helps the other along the way.

June 3, 2008 at 5:45 pm 1 comment

What’s Coming Next

The people in my family tend towards pack rattery, which is why I thought I used to systematically go through my things and get rid of them.  But now I realize I was ridding myself of objects that no longer were vibrating harmoniously for me – a fact that has been brought to home very clearly of late.  I’ve been pulling out things to donate to charity and/or sell to a used store for the past many months.  But in the last month especially it’s been very drastic.  I’ve been doing yoga on a mostly daily basis and it has completely reshaped my body to such an extent that much of the clothing I had no longer fits.  My closet has a very zen quality to it right now.

Anyway, I’ve known that I’ve been getting rid of things that held bad memories for me or else books I thought I would want to keep forever now seem insignificant to me, because I’ve gotten everything out of them I need.  And recently I’ve been more and more aware each time I pull out one more thing to give away, that I am opening up a huge space in my energy that has been filled up with needless crap.  I’ve felt more receptive and psychically awake than ever.

One way I’ve noticed this is that I’m not conscious of the energy fields of my partner and our cat.  I’ve been working to interact with them just by intent, and it’s had a fair amount of success so far.

I feel excited because I now feel positive and right enough to accept the things into my life that I’ve wanted.  And this psychic reading I randomly asked for (from AboutAstro.com) strengthened my excitement:

May, I am now going to tell you what I have discovered about you. What I am now going to tell you is very important and of course I have checked and double-checked everything before telling you. So here is what is is all about: a Transit period is on the way and you are perfectly positioned to get the very best out of the opportunities it is set to bring . Indeed, in a very short time you will find yourself in the glare of several powerful astrological influences. These influences will place you in a rare astrological Transit which will not occur again in your skies before a very long time. This is a period of 72 days during which a great number of opportunities are going to be offered to you. These opportunities are going to have a great impact on your life and here is what comes out of my analysis:

You can expect some very positive changes on a professional level and most particularly as far as your job is concerned. As a matter of fact your astral configuration shows very clearly that during this period of 72 days you will experience one of the most intense moments of your career. Let me be a little more precise, during this period you will have the possibility of making a stunning victory as far as your job is concerned and you will then be able to reach a new and important turning point in your career. … [note: I’ve been quite unsatisfied with my job for the past year]

During this period you can expect some very positive financial changes in your life. It seems that one very important opportunity will be made to you and this opportunity is linked to an unexpected sum of money. As a matter of fact your astral configuration shows me that this sum of money should allow you to finish a project which you have been thinking about for a long time. … [note: I’m trying to pay off a bunch of debts from my marriage and schooling]

You are very aware of the fact that you are in one of the most exciting and energizing phases of your life. I know that you are currently examining the goals in your life, you have already achieved a great many things but you still have many other goals to accomplish most particularly on a financial and professional level. I also feel that you have a desire to explore new horizons and to travel. This is something which you have not had a lot of time to do as of yet. In a more general manner I see in you a great deal of qualities as even if you have gone through some major changes in your life, you still tend to be sensitive to the needs of other people and often put other people’s needs ahead of their own (especially those of their family and close friends).

Yes I can certainly say that you get personal satisfaction from helping others even if sometimes take on too much responsibilities and even if you know that you are not always appreciated. Although you don’t always consciously admit this, deep down inside, you need the respect and admiration of others. You are also perceptive about people and you have an unusually strong intuition. Being in touch with this power may be one of the reasons why you are drawn to astrology readings and psychic experiences. There is a very strong aura around you and an energy that is truly powerful. I am sensing vibrations from you which are much more intense than those i experience with most clients. In fact you have more talents than you credit yourself with, as deep within yourself, you are aware that you have been given certain talents, very special talents, unique only to you. While you have known of these abilities, you haven’t fully acted on them up to now have you ? I can also see that you have very strong values and a definite sense of right and wrong. In these days of questionable characters, you feel grounded by your strong values. It is also for this reason that I feel very close to you. A large part of these values of yours have been forged through the experiences you have had in life and have made you a bit more perspective than most . You are wise beyond your years in many ways.

Lets get back to this period May as I should warn you about one particular point. If you do not act in a very decisive manner concerning this period then it is extremely likely that all of these important opportunities will simply pass you by.

I must remind you that this Transit is a very rare event which will not come around again for a very long time to come and it will allow you to seize an important opportunity in relation to your job and complete a project which you care a lot about by using a sum of money which you did not expect to have. To achieve this it is important that you find yourself in the right place and at the right time to take the right decisions…

Once more, I’m being asked by the universe to act like a samurai: be decisive in taking right action, without fear — or at least, as if without fear.  That’s what gave me the strength to get through school even when I was questioning everything else in my life.  And that’s what gave me the strength to finally take the chance that my current partner would reject me once and for all when I finally confessed my feelings and found he felt the same.

I’m going to do some soul-searching and tarot reading about this.  It’s as intimidating to me as it is exhilarating.

June 2, 2008 at 2:58 pm 2 comments


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