Positional Memory & Sleeping

January 25, 2008 at 9:10 pm 4 comments

I have a problem.  I can’t sleep on my back.

When I was a kid and didn’t have any boobs to keep me from sleeping on my stomach all night, it wasn’t a problem.  When I was fine sleeping on my side after I couldn’t sleep on my stomach, it wasn’t a problem.  But now I don’t like sleeping on either my stomach or my side, but I do both anyway, because I can’t sleep on my back.

By “can’t” I mean that it’s both physically and psychologically difficult for me to do so.

Here’s why:  When I was a kid I was molested/raped repeatedly by a family member, which I may have alluded to at one point or another.  At night I usually felt safe, however, because I shared a room with my two sisters and I found safety in our numbers.  However, one night I woke up for no apparent reason.  Disoriented I looked up and saw my sexual offender standing over me, staring.  I caught his eye, looked away horrified and scared to death and rolled over.  When I looked back again he had gone.

I don’t have any memory of sleeping on my back before this event, but I know for damn sure that I haven’t since.  Well, I’ve tried to, but I can’t fall asleep in that position.

I would love some advice on this, because I don’t really know how to deal with it.  It seems so disconnected from all of the other issues I have from being abused by that person, although I can’t adequately explain why I feel that way.  And for all I know I’m only ‘disconnecting’ it in my mind.

I know this is kind of a weird post, but I don’t really have any one in RL to discuss this with so please bear with me.

Image from BBC News

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Entry filed under: family, sexuality. Tags: , , .

I & My Path Are One I-Ching Reading

4 Comments Add your own

  • 1. tobeme  |  January 29, 2008 at 9:12 pm

    Very interesting. One could be and probaly is related to the other. If you lay on your back and meditate, what happens?
    This may be helped through hynosis.

    Reply
  • 2. mayinthesouth  |  January 30, 2008 at 3:45 pm

    I just fret about stuff that’s bothering me if I’m in a fretful state or else I just lay there and don’t really think about anything besides how annoyed I am that I haven’t fallen asleep yet.

    I don’t think I’m a good candidate for hypnosis. I had someone try to hypnotize me before to work through something and it wasn’t successful. Other people aren’t very good at getting my brain to tell them stuff.

    Reply
  • 3. joyfulseeker  |  February 16, 2008 at 2:26 am

    I wonder, were you usually on your back during those rapes? If so I would say that is the direct connection.

    Why are you no longer comfortable on your side or belly?

    Have you every heard of or tried EFT? Its a technique of tapping on key points of the energy/meridian system to release emotional trauma. We used it with my husband and he is now free of a life-long phobia of climbing on ladders. It might help you release your fear/discomfort about sleeping on your back. http://www.emofree.com

    Reply
  • 4. mayinthesouth  |  February 18, 2008 at 3:26 pm

    Thanks to everyone for your concern and advice. I’ve actually been able to sleep on my back interchangeably with my other typical sleeping positions off and on for the past few weeks.

    joyfulseeker, sleeping on my side put too much pressure on my arms and shoulders (I have tendinitis in my shoulders and arms, so ouch!) and sleeping on my belly puts my neck in a very awkward position.

    Reply

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