A Little Bit of Self-Acceptance

November 19, 2007 at 3:05 pm Leave a comment

Friday night as I was walking home from work, I was thinking about this baby stuff and since there was no one around, I started talking out loud to myself: “It’s okay for me to be afraid of having babies.  It’s okay for me to be afraid of motherhood.” Or something like that.  Saying it out loud gave me such relief I felt like a load of my own self-judgement slid off my back.

It helped even more that I was continuing to read the chapter about pregnancy in Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom.  I was at the part where Northrop is discussing how modern medical technology does everything it can to separate the woman from her body at the time of childbirth.  Since Northrop is an M.D. that helped me feel that 1) my fears of childbirth in a hospital are grounded, 2) that I WILL use natural methods and positions when I do have kids and 3) some of my “irrational fear” of childbirth disappeared after I accepted my fear and chose a course of action to address it.

And THEN my man and I had a discussion just yesterday about how this miscarriage was the best possible outcome in the situation given our newly-started commitment to each other and, well, everything about our lives right now.

Being able to talk to myself and to him calmly and rationally without any judgment and being okay with feeling the feelings I’m uncomfortable dealing with… it’s all helping.  I’m really encouraged by it.

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Entry filed under: love, miscarriage, pregnancy, sexuality. Tags: , , , , , .

‘She knew that she hadn’t been wanted’ ‘It was our job to transmute the energies through ourselves’

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