Right Here, Right Now

The Universe keeps sending me little signs and messages, letting me know that I am in the right place, on the right path, doing the right thing.

It is such a gift because I feel so confused and disjointed lately. My ego is having fits while I’m trying to let Spirit take the lead. It’s not excited about the idea of being leashed and obedient, to letting go of the illusion of control.

I don’t want to lead. I want to simply do as Spirit says. Crazy how something so simple is so difficult to do, much less maintain. I’ve started writing a stream of consciousness page or two in the mornings to help me identify the ego’s ridiculous lies and tricks.

I want to let go and let the Universe hold me while I close my ego’s eyes to the world and truly rest.

Tee hee. Being silly is very important to keeping the ego in check. I have learned recently to take being silly seriously… in that I need to honor it and make time in my life for it.

Energy Work, Brain Cleansing and My True Self

Lately with all the crazy energies flying around, I have been forced to deal with old hurts and fears I hadn’t fully acknowledged or released. I also had my priorities re-aligned and am feeling fully in touch with my soul’s purpose.

My friend Darcy who is working to become an energy practioner (click here for details on having her work with you) gave me an hour long session on Friday night. I had some major AHA! moments in between feeling sleepy and contented. She had an amazing OM chant going on in the background and I immediately felt relaxed and in a receptive state. I meditated on Gaia for a while as different feelings and thoughts emerged and left.

I finally started meditating on my future daughter, who has come to me in many visions and to whom I can communicate very easily on a soul level as we prepare for her entrance into Earth. She showed me that I was afraid of her abandoning me because I have had two miscarriages and that I was not trusting her and the Universe as I needed to, being ashamed to be honest with others about how real and alive she is to me. She told me that she has already agreed to be with me as my daughter and that I should trust in this. She showed me herself as a brilliant star, as a baby, a teen, and an old woman, before fading back into a baby. I felt her weight on my chest with her head on my shoulder and I wanted to cry from the joy and peace I felt. She even showed me a vision of me decorating her nursery for her to help me believe fully in her future entrance into my life (which will change everything for me!)

I also forgave myself and my mother for the mistakes we made in our relationship with each other, and had some more realizations about the spiritual aspect of my childhood imaginings and their effect on my life.

The next day, I had my regular meditation session with friends although only one was able to come. We had a very good session that was powerful for the both of us. I received some very strong images and good wisdom, though my head felt as if it had been peeled back to expose my brain to the world. The feeling led me to draw this:

Our meditation led us to merge fully with our Souls, to really SEE it. My hair and eyes and skin grew brighter and my entire body became more elfin in the mediation. This also helped me become more attuned to my soul name & titles: Fire Flower, Truth-Bringer, Lady of the Flame and Shadow, Goddess-Warrior of ALL-THAT-IS, which I feel now is a proper definition of myself instead of something I have to live up to. We connected with the Christ grid that is both surrounding and within the Earth, which activated my third chakra very strongly. It was exhausting and exhilarating.

Sunday I spent going through the rest of Brain Respiration by Ilchi Lee. Once again, I did a meditation where I looked at my brain and cleansed it in a stream of energy. This time it was pink where the new shiny bits have started healing the scummy rotten bits I had to cleanse a few weeks ago. And when I shook out the “dark energy” it was like a sprinkling of pepper instead of the stream of blackness that flowed from it last time.

One of the last exercises was to meditate in order to see your soul’s vision play out. I did this and saw myself dancing around the Earth planting roses and bearing fruit for others out of the tree growing out of my head (an image I’ll probably draw soon). I saw myself giving birth to Clarissa (my daughter) as if in a womb myself, painless and joyful. When Clarissa joined me on the Earth, still connected to me by the red embellical cord, she and I started dancing in a new pattern (one she taught me) and in this new pattern all the other people on the planet started dancing with us until we were all vibrating at such a rate that we were shimmering and on the same level as our star families who embraced us with open arms.

It was the perfect accumulation of all the work I’ve been doing: to see this vision and to know I can trust the Universe to bring it to pass without my having to force anything. I can simply allow and be my True Self and watch the future unroll beautifully.

I am so blessed.

Urban Shaman

Lately my connection with nature and nature-as-teacher have become increasingly more necessary in my life. I’ve been spending more time outside and the change it makes in my emotional and mental well-being is dramatic! I’m loving my path right now and how it’s  changing me, making me stronger and better and more capable of helping others.

My guides have been letting me know I’m on the right track through a book my little brother lent me called Secrets of Shamanism: Tapping the Spirit Power Within You by Joes and Lena Stevens. Three of my favorite bits so far:

“When you practice shamanism you become a change agent in the drama of evolution. More than that, you release yourself from the illusion of isolation and step into the reality of the interrelationship of all life. Finally the practics of shamanism leads you to eventually align yourself with the healing forces of nature. You find balance and integration. You know who you are and where you are going. [this is something I've been dramatically experiencing of late]

“Shamans…emphasize the importance of being able to ’see’ the result before actualizing it physically. [this is what I meant last post about my partner being able to imagine the future with me] And yet they are also aware that people can only achieve as much as they can truly imagine for themselves. Thus a shaman will work at heightening a person’s level or ability to have, do and be. The ability to imagine raises our ability to have. Like a muscle that needs to be worked, strengthened, and stretched, imagination requires exercise. Shamanism is in part a strategy for expanding and empowering imagination.”

“The shaman knows that each [element of nature] is vital to basic survival, and a personal relationship with them is critical to living a successful life. Furthermore, the most compentent shamans know that these powers are all representatives of the greater spirit that unifies the cosmos and is the true source of life itself. By communicating to the sun or the moon and thanking them for their warmth and light, the shaman through humility, grows powerful because [s]he speaks directly with the source of life itself.”

I am loving this book because it’s like my guides patting me on the back the whole time, saying “see! look how on track you are! now pick up things you’re needing from this and let’s do more!!” It’s so exciting And since my partner and I changed our relationship status, it’s been so easy to share my spirituality with him. I love it! All the other people I’ve been with were intimidated or upset by this side of me so having someone celebrate it with me is pure joy.

Power Stones and Spirit Bells

Yesterday, for instance, the Universe guided me to pick up 3 stones on a walk, which I then decorated as I have been doing recently with symbols (above). These rocks seemed more powerful than the others I’ve made and the symbols are very strong ones for me. They kept calling to me all day and I knew they were a special gift for me to use. The rock pictured on the left is the Raido rune, the reverse is a book (my guides like to communicate through what I read). The center rock is a heart, the reverse is a bear with teeth bared. The rock on the right is a knife blade and the reverse is the incisor of a wild cat.

I’ve pulled out my spirit bells (pictured on either side of the rocks) and went outside to shake them and wait for the Guides to talk to me. I discovered by holding on to the bells themselves, I have rattles! This was really fun to discover because I’ve been wishing for rattles and here I already had some!! I shook my bells/rattles, swayed side to side with my eyes on the rocks and their symbols, and mentally chanted “love, healing” over and over until the sound and the spirit came on me and I thanked the Earth below me and the Sky above me, my guides and the energetic beings around me and they told me that I should always remember that I can change perspective when I need to and find my calm and that they are always there for me.

I felt full of energy and hope and light and joy and my head felt particularly cleansed and airy (I’m guessing as part of the result of doing a mental body guided meditation with some friends on Friday where we pulled down energy into our minds) and was able to go inside and was able to simply say to my partner what the messages I’d received were and know he’d be joyful with me. Then I was blessed with a 20 minute power nap! I went inside and was so sleepy I fell asleep and let the energy wash through me, invigorating me when I woke up. I tend to lack the ability to nap so this was a very special gift indeed!

I’m so grateful for the energies that support and love me. I love living a miraculous life.

Accepting and Relearning Old Lessons

Trifecta (featuring my primary relationship's power animals)

With all the crazy energy circulating lately I’ve been ruminating on past lessons, gleaning more from them now that I did at the time.

For instance, one of the most powerful prophetic dreams I’ve ever had was a warning/promise about my eventual marriage and the way it would require an incredible amount out of me. The dream consisted largely of my wandering around in a strange city that looked like Greek ruins being stared at by people in togas as I walked around half searching for something, half running from a pursuer, all the while with blood pouring out of deep gashes in my wrists, elbows, throat, etc… but I’m partly made of marble myself so all that blood loss doesn’t really affect me. The lesson from that I didn’t see before was that even when I thought I was at my weakest, the essential part of me was never changed or damaged by the experience.

I gained acceptance of the flower for my birth month (September/aster) that I always used to dislike as a kid by finding an aster blooming in my belly. Turns out the aster stands for love and patience, two really big ongoing themes in my life.

I’m also re-learning just how perfect for me my darling partner is. I’ve been realizing that what sets him apart from my other lovers (besides being incredibly more awesome and caring) is his ability to dream with me about a shared future and to work towards making that a reality. That was missing in all my other relationships and it made them seem lifeless to me after a while. If you can’t grow together, you’re just dying a little bit each day. This lesson was driven further home for me today by the daily email from DailyOm talking about squirrel energy. My partner is the squirrel to my tree (also my penguin and fellow rabbity-thing – which is what the above triptych is about) and reading this made me so happy, because it just shows me another way in which to rejoice in how he’s so perfect for me:

Affirming an Abundant Future
Squirrel Medicine

Native Americans considered all living beings as brothers and sisters that had much to teach including squirrels. These small creatures taught them to work in harmony with the cycles of nature by conserving for the winter months during times when food was plentiful. In our modern world, squirrels remind us to set aside a portion of our most precious resources as an investment in the future. Though food and money certainly fall into this category, they are only some of the ways our energy is manifested. We can conserve this most valuable asset by being aware of the choices we make and choosing only those that nurture and sustain us. This extends to the natural resources of our planet as well, using what we need wisely with the future in mind.

Saving and conservation are not acts of fear but rather affirmations of abundance yet to come. Squirrels accept life’s cycles, allowing them to face winters with the faith that spring will come again. Knowing that change is part of life, we can create a safe space, both spiritually and physically, that will support us in the present and sustain us in the future. This means not filling our space with things, or thoughts, that don’t serve us. Without hoarding more than we need, we keep ourselves in the cyclical flow of life when we donate our unwanted items to someone who can use them best. This allows for more abundance to enter our lives, because even squirrels know a life of abundance involves more than just survival.

Squirrels use their quick, nervous energy to enjoy life’s adventure. They are great communicators, and by helping each other watch for danger, they do not allow worry to drain them. Instead, they allow their curious nature to lead the way, staying alert to opportunities and learning as they play. Following the example set by our squirrel friends, we are reminded to enjoy the journey of life’s cycles as we plan and prepare for a wonderful future, taking time to learn and play along the way. (Source)

I also re-realized why I can’t have a relationship with my parents, especially my mother. I need to foster emotional health and healing for myself in order to share it with others and being near my mother is like having a raptor shred my heart relentlessly and that’s not something I can heal from and still have energy to do everything else I must do to function in this life. I think this has helped me finally accept that I can’t expect support to come from my parents, as I’d always wistfully hoped would happen in a perfect world where they would accept me for who I am.

I’ve also learned to accept that mine is a path of struggle that will probably be bloodied emotionally over and over again, but I’m big enough to handle it. I’ve been able to see things and respond with “well, here’s a new challenge” instead of the self-pitying and shaking my fist to fate that I used to waste my energy on.

My many issues with child birth (which was linked to my creativity in many ways) that you may remember if you’ve been reading this blog a while have come compltely full-circle and now I’ m waiting with joyous anticipation for the time when the Universe will let me know that we’re ready to bring the little soul, who’s already waiting for her new life to begin, into this material plane. I recently watched Orgasmic Birth, a documentary showing real births where women are beautifully transported into ectasy while delivering children and it was so beautiful and powerful that I cried through most of it. I know the Universe and I will be working on making my childbirth glorious like that and I’m excited to see the changes that this single goal is working in my life and mind.

Generally I’m just happy that I seem to finally have my life in balance, that I’m contributing to my community and creating a beautiful life I love. The recent shifts are really doing amazing things for me. I hope you’re able to enjoy it too.

Growth and Power

Drawing a snake mandala for healing, based on a Navaho sandpainting

My guides are teaching me lessons about strength, healing and power that I need to become a more effective shaman.

Focusing on bringing healing to each relationship I have has dramatically changed how I react to people. I used to get very upset quite easily by people, but now I am able to step back and see their faults for wounds asking for healing and that gives me so much patience and grace and love for them that it effortlessly flows from me. I am incredibly grateful for that.

My new job as well as other things – like taking part in a local public art display (pictured) that was physically grueling – is teaching me that I have all the strength I need… and what I don’t have, I can get by simply doing what is needed and expecting the strength to be there. The Universe is definitely not letting me down!

I find it easier and easier to float above my emotions instead of letting them mire me down in angst. I can touch my higher self so easily I feel as if she and I are gripping hands tightly. She is showing me how to see and observe and react with love and acceptance and it is giving me new, wonderful insights into myself and others.

The most miraculous one happened yesterday when I was making love with my partner in a kind of odd mood. I was aroused but saddened as one more of my attempts at domme behavior fell flat just before we began. I was watching my emotions, my reactions to them, watching him, feeling sensations of my body and my energetic body and all of a sudden as an orgasm started to gather I realized that I’ve been using my orgasms (and sex in general) as a conduit of healing power for myself and my partner.

I saw the orgasm bloom in my belly/womb as if a fire flower or an atom and its cloud of electrons and I could see the energy streaming in from the universe to create this in me. I am tempted to compare it to a nuclear reaction; it’s what popped into my head at the time and it seemed to me to be a source for power that I can now use more deeply and purposefully since being aware of it.

I feel like I’m not expressing this well enough yet so I will keep trying: Sex has always been powerful for me and I knew there was some significance behind it that I was missing. So being able to understand the totality of what is occuring on all levels is absolutely life-changing.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Overcoming Obstacles

The long-term goal in my life has been to have a baby with my partner for close to two years now. For that to happen, I need to 1) pay off a significant amount of debt from school/credit cards and 2) get a divorce so I can marry my soulmate. I was getting so frustrated last month looking over what had happened the last year and feeling as if I hadn’t moved forward on the short term goals blocking me from the long-term baby-making goal.

But the Universe and my Guides must have been busy in the background, because stuff is starting to happen now!

I’d been trying to get a part time job for many many months in order to pay off my debts more quickly than I can do with the one job. Despite applying to many places, none ever contacted me until I got a call from the McDonalds one block away from the new apartment. A few weeks later now, I’m working there part time, working to get to know the system and loving the challenge to treat each person I interact with there as I would a god/goddess. It’s tiring and a bit stressful but it will be so worth the payoff… just as long as I can keep focused enough to not waste the money!

Divorce-wise, I haven’t been able to just hire a lawyer to fill out the no contest divorce forms for me, and my own research online and in book form both led me to a brick wall in my efforts. I was working with a coworker to try and get things moving, but even that was headed no where. But when I was on the phone with my Uncle telling him about my new PT  job, he asked why I had gotten it. After I told him I wanted a divorce and to pay off debt, he offered to help with the divorce since he had a ton of experience in legal terms, procedures and the like, which I only recently discovered. He has also been through the divorce process himself twice so I have high hopes that this latest attempt will have me divorced by the end of the year at the latest!

I asked my Guides for advice on Sunday night and they exhorted me to enjoy myself, care for myself, believe in myself and to realize there are no limits to what I can do. Overcoming obstacles is a major theme in my spiritual path right now and I have converted a little book I have with Ganesha, god of overcoming difficulties, that has been sitting around on my altar off and on for a while into my overcoming obstacles handbook.

It contains words, phrases and symbols of power all to help me claim my personal power or to overcome difficulties.

I’ve been chanting: Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare (just found it in an old Yoga magazine we had lying around the house) this week as well as this helps to clear difficulties, and it’s been a great source of comfort for me since I haven’t had enough time to meditate as I would like in the mornings now that I’m working two jobs.

I have high hopes to see my dreams becoming reality and I can’t wait to see what happens.

Hidden Messages In Water

I recently picked up Masaru Emoto’s book The Hidden Messages in Water and it is blowing my mind.  Emoto experimented with exposing frozen water to different words and music and discovered that water crystals form in response to whatever the water was exposed to.  He goes on to discuss how water influences our evolution, how it is part of the vibrational resonance of everything and more.  It’s leading me to believe that our collective un/conscious is located in water.  I really highly recommend picking this up.  (All the images in this post are from the book.)

Here’s an excerpt to get you interested:

“When water freezes, the particles of water link together to form the crystal nucleus, and when the nucleus grows in a stable way into a hexagonal shape, a visible water crystal appears; but when information in conflict with nature is present, an incomplete crystal will be formed.

“The words ‘gratitude’ and ‘love’ form the fundamental principles of the laws of nature and the phenomenon of life.  Therefore, water in its natural form is required to create the hexagonal form.  By contrast, words such as “You fool” do not exist in nature and are instead unnatural elements created by people. Words that revile, harm and ridicule are the result of the culture created by humans.

“It’s likely that only vibrations of love and gratitude appear in nature, and observation of nature shows this to be true. The trees and plants show respect for each other by the way they live in harmony.  This also applies to the animal kingdom. Even lions only kill when hungry, and never at random. The plants in the shadows of the trees do not complain, and the animals do not try to take more food than they require.

“In an article in the March-April 1989 issue of the American scientific journal 21st Century Science and Technology, Warren J. Hamerman wrote that the organic matter that forms human beings generates a requency that can be represented by a sound at approximately fourty-two octaves above middle C (the note near the center of the piano keyboard). The modern standard for Middle C is approximately 262 Hz (Hertz) so this means that the sound reaches roughly 570 trillion HZ. Since Hz means vibrations per second, this indicates that human beings vibrate 570 trillion times a second, a number that exceeds the imagination and indicates incredible and wonderful hidden potential.

“It’s difficult to conceive 42 octaves, but just realize that the frequency of the human being is immensely diverse and unparalleled.  The human being holds a universe within, filled with overlapping frequencies, and the result is a symphony of cosmic proportions.

“When I talk to people about vibration and fequency, I use what I like to call the “do-re-mi-fa-so-la-ti theory.” This simple theory just means that the frequency of everything in the cosmos can be summarized in seven parts – do, re, mi, fa, so, la, and ti.

“The universe consists of an uncountable number of things ranging from the lowest to the highest frequency.  It might help to imagine keys aligned in order on a piano keyboard, starting from the lowest sound.  If you press down on the white keys, you will hit do, re, mi, fa, so, la and ti.  When you move up the keyboard one octave, from one do to the next, the frequency doubles.  In other words, the doubling frequencies divided into seven parts is do, re, mi, fa, so, la, and ti.  Therefore the repeating of these seven sounds expresses all sound from the lowest to the highest.

“But what enlightenment can be obtrained by seeing frequency as sound?

“The most important revelation is that of resonance.  Sounds of the same requency resonate. This can be understood by making use of a turning fork, a Y-shaped instrument used to tune the pitch of an instrument or voice.

“When a turning fork is hit with a rubber hammer, creating a la sound, and a singer responds with a la, the tuning fork and the voice create a single frequency sound wave. This is called resonance. When one side creates a fequency and the other responds with the same sound, they resonate. It’s said that likes attract and so it would appear that vibrations attract and interact with each other.

“With some careful obsevation, you’ll see that this same phenomenon is going on al laround you.  A dog walking along the street may not respond to another animals it passes but it will be very responsive to a dog on the other side of the street. Dogs will  often howl when they hear the sound of a siren and this could also be a type of resonance.

“And we see this in human relationships: people who generate similar frequencies are attracted to each other, resulting in friendship. Certain people remain uninterested in each other, no matter how physically close they may be.  However, if someone you don’t like approaches you and you react, this also means that you are resonating in some way with that person.

“The greatest secret of Japanese martial arts is referred to as ‘winning without fighting.’ This essentially means avoiding resonating with the enemy. To fight and win results in resonance with the enemy and so the level of the relationship is very low.

“When frequencies are fundamentally incompatable, they cannot resonate.  We cannot accept what is fundamentally different from us.

“Howver, an interesting fact is that resonance can result even when frequencies are not identical.  This happens, for instance, when the frequency is doubled.  Playing the la key on the piano at 440 Hz and the la key at an octave lower at 220 Hz creates quite a pleasant resonating sound, and responding to a tuning fork with a sound one octave lower also creates nice resonance.

“When the frequency difference is twofold, fourfold, eightfold and so on – or one-half, one-quarter, and so on – the result is resonance. The principle of this relationships extends to infinity. No matter how distant the frequencies, resonance will result if one of the two numbers is a multiple of the other. We can also say that for every sound on each level there is a resonating sound on every other level.

…

“Most of the objects found in nature emit stable frequencies. Each sparrow sounds basically the same (though sparrows themselves might recognize slight differences), and the sounds made by dogs or cats do not havce a great deal of variation. By contrast, the human being is able to make full use of the do, re, mi, fa, so, la, ti scale to create beautiful meoldies.  Wouldn’t you agree that this is indeed a marvelous ability?

“Humans are the only creatures that have the capacity to resonate with all other creatues and objects found in nature. We can speak with all that exists in the universe. We can give out energy and also receive energy in return. However, this iability is a two-edged sword. When people act out only on their own greed, they emit an energy that serves to destroy the harmony within nature.

“The defiling of our earth is the result of an unrelenting hunger for convenience and the fulfillment of greed, initiated by the industrial revolution. This has led to lifestyles of mass consumption that seriously threaten the global environment.

“We have embarked on a new century, a time in history when we must make srious changes in the way that we think. Only the human can resonate with the rest of the world and this is why it is so essential that we change our thinking, so we can live in harmony with nature and not go on destroying the earth. What vibration we give to the earth and what kind of planet we create depends on each one of us as individuals.

“How will you choose to live your life?

“If you fill your heart with love and gratitude, you will find yourself surrounded by so much that you can love and that yo ucan feel grateful for, and you can even get closer to enjoying the life of health and happiness that you seek. But what will happen if you emit signals of hate, dissatisfaction and sadness? Then you will probably find yourself in a situation that makes you hateful, dissatisfied and sad.

“The life you life and the world you live in are up to you.”

New Year, New Habits

While I didn’t intend to start any new spritual habits for a new year’s resolution, I almost did accidentally.  I’ve been concerned about being open to the Universe and what it’s saying to me, what it has for me.  So I decided to set aside a few minutes out of my morning before I do my yoga routine to sit and meditate, simply breathing and being open.

I’ve felt my palms prickle with energy as I imagine the gifts of the Universe falling into my hands like warm summer rain.  I’ve been led to thank and bless my guides and ancestors.  For a few minutes, I simply sit and let my mind feel a peaceful quite acceptance and gratitude that gives me a sense of relief and mental balance I am dearly learning to love.

Also changed this year and quite by accident is what I am now calling my “charm bag” – but what just started as a velvet bag with small crystals in it that I tuck into my pocket or bra every day.  I used to have a piece of turquoise and a piece of emerald, but I lost my emerald and found a stone I thought I’d lost, so I decided to change what I keep with me every day.  I still have the turquoise, to which I’ve added a Shiva stone (supposed to be the highest vibrational stone on the Earth), a moonstone (for fulfilling one’s destiny), and another stone that I can’t remember the name of, but it is for helping you understand your connectedness with everything.  I also added some charms I had been wearing on a necklace until recently: my Isis pendant, a rune pendant and a ring that has much of my personal energy within it.

Fearless

Since really knowing in my bones that no body can do what I can the way I can and that everyone loses if I don’t share my gifts, I’ve become basically fearless.

I don’t worry about anything because I know that nothing will happen unless it is supposed to.  And everything I had to go through only made me better, even if it temporarily sucks.  Knowing that the joy I have access to now will heal anything, that approaching everything with love creates a powerful energy that can carry me along like a wave, it’s made me so trusting and open and unafraid.

That’s a new thing in my experience and I love it.  This feeling only magnifies the gratitude I feel towards the Universe by a million.  This keeps my thoughts generally positive and my heart light – and when it doesn’t, I simply wait and love myself until once again the energy will surge through me again, letting me turn the ove outward like a big ole spotlight.

I finally feel like I’ve got this life thing in balance.  It’s a good place to be.

As Above So Below

It never ceases to amaze me how similar the most dissimilar things truly are.  In everything that is unfamiliar I truly believe we can find a piece of ourselves.