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My dear friend and Reiki Master Julie Bowen did me the honor of teaching and attuning me to Level 1 Reiki. For those of you who are unfamiliar with it, Reiki is a type of energy work that promotes stress-relief, relaxation and healing. It is a hands-on technique.
The training itself was fairly straightforward and simple. (I am reinforcing it in my mind by reading Essential Reiki by Diane Stein.) The attunement was an incredible experience. At first I felt the energy coming down through my crown chakra like warm, golden nectar, dripping down into me. Then the energy flowed stronger, filling me with white light that poured through my body out my hands, feet and throat. Julie held my hands, one at a time, and I saw the energy flow through them to my arms and to all my chakras, combining into a whirlwind of energy within me. Towards the end, the energy all focused in my womb, where my soon-to-be-born child is and I was blessed by images of me and my child interacting after his birth.
Julie told me that she’s never felt the energy just drop down into someone the way it did with me. She said she usually has to force it somewhat. I know I was very ready to receive a way to help others, and I am so grateful for this attunement. In the few days since this happened, I’ve used Reiki in myself, my pets, my friends and my partner with beautiful results. I am excited to feel the changes within myself and excited to see what I will be blessed to do with this gift in the future.
I have experienced some truly powerful shifts this year in my mind/body/emotions/spirit. I am so grateful to my guides and celestial and earthly supports for helping me to grow and release the fear of my own power that has been holding me back for so long. I have finally started doing psychic readings, something I was called to do over a year ago but was too frightened to initiate until now. I am almost overwhelmed by how miraculous my life is, and so very grateful.
The following are some of my recent drawings with messages I have received from the fairies during meditation over the past several weeks. I hope this lightens your heart as it did mine
More play! More laughter! More dancing! More sunshine! Follow your bliss and we will bless you!
Beware kill-joys and closed minds. They act like candle snuffers for fairy light.
Keep growing plants, drawing, dancing, playing and looking/listening for beautiful surprises from the Universe. This will help you.
We are always here for you. We will help in times of need.
Play! Be joyful!
Don’t forget to dance, delight in plants and animals and let your whimsy lead you. The more you do, the more we can play with you.
Overall it was a very interesting true story about the life of Sylvia Browne, who is a psychic. She’s been in touch with her gifts since she was a child, and she had a psychic grandmother who helped her understand and trust them. Because she grew up accepting her gifts, she was able to make full use of them and became a famous psychic whose knowing has been “proved” and verified in many different instances. It was amazing to see what a fully-surrendered life can bring!
Chapter 1 “Growing Up Psychic” was my favorite part of the book. I liked reading about how, as a child, Sylvia was able to “see” people’s health problems, interact with her spirit guide, and give away grownups’ secrets that she intuitively knew. This chapter also covers her experiences with nuns in a Catholic school who only accepted her powers after a stern talking-to from Sylvia’s grandmother, but who then often asked her advice. We follow Sylvia through her adolescence, share with her the anguish of her parent’s failing marriage and her grandmother’s death.
The rest of the book describes how Sylvia began to use her psychic gifts more and more publicly: giving readings, channeling her spirit guide, starting nonprofit organizations and appearing on many TV shows. Sylvia tells many stories about encountering ghosts and trying to help them along to the other side. She tells of her singular encounter with an angel and its beauty. She also tells her personal story intertwined with the many stories of others she’s come across and been a part of. She tells about her failed marriages, her relationships with her children and the lessons that she learned about herself and about the nature of life along the way.
Sylvia has had a rich and full life that was a pleasure to share. Her sensitivity and wisdom come across throughout the entire memoir, and she has a matter-of-fact way of discussing even the strangest things that I appreciate. Since this is the first of Sylvia’s many books I”ve read, I am interested to read more of her work and to learn from the amazing journey of her life.
FULL DISCLOSURE: I was given a free copy of this book to review by the publisher, in exchange for my honest evaluation of it on this blog.
(This turned out to be a much longer post than I planned. What happens in an instant can take so long in the retelling!)
What my higher self and guides have been working with me about lately has been how I have often chosen to ignore my intuition and messages from my guides/higher self in situations where I needed guidance and so chose to compromise myself. This has happened over and over again in relationships, at work, at school, and even in the way I act when I am alone.
I have been processing the sadness, fear and many other emotions that went along with those compromises through bodily pain and tears the past couple s or so. I finally figured out that I go through all the previous mistakes I made in a given area mentally and emotionally before I am about to face a situation(s) where I could make a similar mistake, in order to help me move beyond the limiting ways I act. This weekend was a time where I went through the test that all this processing was leading up to.
I had planned to go to a seminar Friday night and Saturday morning and afternoon at the local Rime Buddhist Center. Since I have to use public transportation, my fiance told me to take a bus part way there and then call a cab for the rest of the way. So Friday night I’m part of the way there and 20 minutes after I called a taxi still hadn’t shown up. I started to get the feeling that maybe I wasn’t supposed to go after all and then started discussing with myself all the reasons why, of course, I SHOULD go. After all it was for a GOOD thing and I had people counting on me being there and what would they say if I didn’t go?! and so on and so forth my mind argued until my higher self said, “What if this delay is to show you that you shouldn’t go?”
I still wasn’t ready to hear this wisdom yet, so I called the cab company back and no one answered. The phone just rang and rang and I thought, “Maybe I should stay on the line until someone answers” and my higher self said “Or MAYBE this is a SIGN that you SHOULDN’T GO.” By this time I was feeling flushed, nervous and fidgety like I often do when I’m about to decide to obey or disobey my higher self so I took that as a sign that, yes, this was a message I needed to listen to. And when I decided that, I was told that the cabbie was going to try and rape me. I was shocked that I had been so ready to rush again into another situation that “seemed right” but that would put me in danger. I had just spent weeks and weeks trying to love myself despite being frustrated as hell over how I kept compromising myself and bringing myself pain and here I was ready to brush off the spirit’s touch AGAIN because it was gentle compared to the enticing “reasonableness” of my ego.
I crossed the street and stood at the other bus stop, waiting to go home. A cab passed me – the first that has passed close enough for me to hail this entire period – and I knew it was another test and my heart pounded and my legs shook as I watched it drive past. It was amazing to me how much I still wanted to hail it despite knowing that 1) I would be putting myself in danger and 2) that it was clearly not the right choice for me to make at this time because my ego was screaming about how my friend might think badly of me for not going. Clearly the impulse to please others has overridden my wisdom in the past and I had to fight like hell to keep it in line.
On my way home on the bus, I was reading Psychic: A Life In Two Worlds, a memoir by Sylvia (which I will be reviewing on this blog later on). Sylvia talks about her spirit guide, Francine, who is a human spirit (i.e. she has incarnated as a human before in many lifetimes) living on The Other Side and who is guiding Sylvia through her life’s plan. So I thought that while my guides were clearly in a mood to give me messages I would ask: Do I have one of these spirit guides?
I asked expecting the answer to be “Yes,” since that has always been my experience in the past. And I was not disappointed. I started to feel the form of a name in my mouth and I said, quietly, “Malachi?” Suddenly my mind’s eye formed an image of a dark, swarthy man with curly dark hair and a short beard, dressed in a loose, striped robe. I asked him what our relationship in past lives had been and he said: “Remember all those lifetimes where you were a great warlord?”
And while they are not completely clear to me, I know it has been more than ten lifetimes (apparently I have/had a lot of blood on my hands to work off). Then he told me that in those lifetimes he was my right-hand man, secretary, butler, sometimes lover.. Many different types of service, but all with the same level of devotion. I asked how he related to my current fiance (who I know has been with me through many different lifetimes) and he said that he was my lover in the field while the-soul-who-is-currently-Matt was my lover at home (Matt usually incarnated as a woman and was often my lover or wife) and that we sometimes were all 3 together in a relationship and I had to laugh because it made sense of so much!
I have felt for a long time (and felt guilty for feeling it) as if my relationship with Matt is only half of what I need in support in my life and that unless I have another dedicated long, term relationship I can’t be satisfied. So I feel 1) relieved that this incredibly strong desire makes sense, since it’s longing for something I’ve been used to and 2) it makes sense why I felt like I wasn’t going to find my Other in this lifetime.. because apparently he’s my spirit guide that I wasn’t quite aware of all this time.
That was all kind of a mind rush and I came home and told Matt that I hadn’t gone because I’d felt that I’d be raped and he said that he had felt the same way and was glad I came home. I forget how empathic Matt is sometimes, because he doesn’t often talk about it – he just feels things very deeply and since he knows I’m empathic, he trusts me to feel him out.
Anyway, we ended up going to a party that night where I didn’t drink, because I chose not to drink this month. I was worried about waking up for the seminar in the morning, but decided I would just deal with it in the morning. When I woke up I was very tired and feeling badly. I wanted to stay home, but again thought that I should go so I would. I got out to the bus stop (after the previous night’s debacle, I found another route that went directly there) and waited for about 20 minutes. When the bus didn’t show up I thought 1) either it’s late or I missed it already and 2) this is probably a sign to go home. I checked the schedule and, sure enough, I’d missed it!
So I had to 1) stand around in the hot sun and burn for 45 minutes or 2) go home and come back out again for a later bus and show up late or 3) just go home and go back to sleep with Matt. I asked my guides and they said “What do you think?”
“That I should go back home,” I answered.
“Then why haven’t you?”
“Because I”m not sure it’s right. I mean, what’s the point of missing this? What will it teach me?”
“Maybe that you’re supposed to listen to your intuition instead of being to inflexible to listen to messages along the way (like you didn’t with your first marriage and keep beating yourself up about) and that just because something seems right and good to others doesn’t make it right for you and all that other stuff you’ve been lecturing yourself about lately.”
“Oh. Right. Well, I’ll just go home then.”
And so I did and I slept for another several hours next to Matt and it was heavenly.
So while it’s not what I expected to learn this weekend. I learned a heck of a lot about myself. I also feel healed. I feel stronger & lighter.
I feel absolutely amazed at the unfolding story of my life.
The Labyrinth is symbol is one that I’ve felt strongly drawn to for many years, and as time passes I find myself more drawn to it than ever. So I was excited to hear that a local store, Aquarius, was hosting a self-guided labyrinth walking meditation on Saturday.
A labyrinth like the one pictured on the left was printed on a large cloth, with different sections of it colored to correspond to the different chakras. Each chakra color also had a card associated with it, showing an intended release and an intended renewal based on that chakra’s energy.
What struck me the most was how the releasing language not only acknowledged “bad” things like impatience and other qualities we’d consider to be negative, it also led me to bless them – something I’d never have thought of to do on my own!
I walked the labyrinth with the cards to guide me. For each chakra section I repeated the release/renewal language several times and as I moved through the colors I could feel my energy shifting and releasing. I got lighter, my spine straightened and I got so whoozy that I had to really go slowly and watch my step or I would have fallen over!
At the end when I asked the spirit of fire to burn away impurities I felt absolutely on top of the world!
The past couple nights since then, I’ve had some troubling dreams, which I feel is part of the released emotions making their way out of my consciousness. While I’ve woken sad and upset and close to crying, I can tell this is something I need to do so in that way, I know it is a blessing, even if it doesn’t feel great right now.
When I chant OM GUM GANAPATAYAY NAMAHA (Ganesha’s chant) now, I see, in my mind’s eye, one large pinkish white elephant all decked out in royal-looking garb and jewels, flanked by two smaller elephants, similarly garbed, all dancing in rhythm with the chant.
When I chant OM MANI PADME HUM (vaguely translates to “jewel in the lotus”), I see a large purple lotus blooming from my head into which dodecahedron crystals are tumbling and a large red lotus blooming from my heart with a huge sapphire spinning in the center of it.
When I look at the blue of the sky, I see Krishna’s face smiling down and blessing me. And my soul remembers to look around and love the world I’m in, and smile and worship and be grateful.
I no longer feel as if I have to have a plan for the road ahead or that I have to grasp at things to be “doing enough”… Instead I feel that whatever I am doing is enough for now. I’m content to sit back and let the Universe lead the dance.
I have found chanting to be an infinite source of comfort, inspiration, peace and joy. I use a mala, saying each chant 108 times for each of the beads. I started first with this chant:
HARE RAMA HARE RAMA RAMA RAMA HARE HARE
HARE KRISHNA HARE KRISHNA KRISHNA KRISHNA HARE HARE
And this has stayed with me though many other chants have come for a while and then I’ve felt led to let them go.
Currently, these are the chants I’m using (in addition to the one above):
DIVINE LOVE SOUL HEALS ME
DIVINE FORGIVENESS SOUL BLESSES US
I ACCEPT THE HERE AND NOW
FOLLOW NATURE’S WAY
I AM UNIVERSAL BLISS
FLOW WITH COMPASSION
CREATIVITY AND CHANGE COME EASILY
MONEY LOVES AND SUPPORTS ME
I’ve been given these by many different gurus – most of whom I’ve learned from through reading, though some were from guided meditations, phrases that stuck with me and others were given to me from people I know personally. All of them I accept as gifts from Source and my higher self.
I’ve been going through a very difficult time being unemployed and dealing with untrustworthy friends and so much more. But I the chanting has helped so drastically! I’m no where near being as emotionally distraught as I normally am when things go “badly” and I’m feeling very protected even in the midst of all this chaos.
I’m very grateful for it.
Some books I’ve read recently and highly recommend:
- The Black Madonna by Fred Gustafson
- Women in Praise of the Sacred edited by Jane Hirshfield
- Remember, Be Here Now by Ram Dass
- New and Selected Poems Vol. 1 by Mary Oliver
All of these have had an impact in the way I view life and express my spirituality in some way.