Singing Bowls

Last night I went to my second Joey Klein Singing Bowls event, where Joey Klein – an energetic master – leads one in guided meditation to the sound of crystal bowls being played. The crystal affects your energetic body in awesome ways and the meditations have so far both led me to have really joyous visions where my guides were actively interacting with the meditation and my higher self in a way that is new to me.

This time, as we were led to follow a great beam of light I was met part way by an energetic body. At first I was confused since I knew I was supposed to keep going, but this being had stopped me. Then I recognized her as a guide, bowed to her and asked her to help me continue on my way and off we went!

We were led to the “womb of creation” where I met Krishna as an incarnation of Vishnu greet us. We all held hands and danced around in this womb which was also a garden. (Krishna’s been on my mind a lot lately, since I‘ve been chanting his name and the image of the flute I’ve been seeing as a pillar of strength also is associated with him, since he plays a flute. I’ve seen a couple statues around locally and I plan to get one to further invite him into my life).

Then we sat together by a small pool and watched the rest of the guided meditation happening through it. The meditation was to see ourselves as an infant of light taking on human form, being born and knowing ourselves as light. In the past, I’ve only felt sorrow when thinking on my birth because my mother decided she didn’t want me after the doctors told her I was a boy, and being the way she is, she just never really changed her mind. So the thought of being unwanted in the womb always grieved me before.

But this time, watching it happen in the garden/womb of creation with a guide and Krishna with me, I was totally okay with it. I saw myself as being born into the life that would mold who I needed to be and I didn’t attach anything further to it and I was happy and content to simply be.

It was a wonderful gift and I feel blessed. Also, the more I trust in my guides, the more they help me. It’s marvelous to feel so supported in all ways. It’s something I’ve really longed for in my life and didn’t think I could have. But, of course, I already had it and didn’t realize.

Accepting and Relearning Old Lessons

Trifecta (featuring my primary relationship's power animals)

With all the crazy energy circulating lately I’ve been ruminating on past lessons, gleaning more from them now that I did at the time.

For instance, one of the most powerful prophetic dreams I’ve ever had was a warning/promise about my eventual marriage and the way it would require an incredible amount out of me. The dream consisted largely of my wandering around in a strange city that looked like Greek ruins being stared at by people in togas as I walked around half searching for something, half running from a pursuer, all the while with blood pouring out of deep gashes in my wrists, elbows, throat, etc… but I’m partly made of marble myself so all that blood loss doesn’t really affect me. The lesson from that I didn’t see before was that even when I thought I was at my weakest, the essential part of me was never changed or damaged by the experience.

I gained acceptance of the flower for my birth month (September/aster) that I always used to dislike as a kid by finding an aster blooming in my belly. Turns out the aster stands for love and patience, two really big ongoing themes in my life.

I’m also re-learning just how perfect for me my darling partner is. I’ve been realizing that what sets him apart from my other lovers (besides being incredibly more awesome and caring) is his ability to dream with me about a shared future and to work towards making that a reality. That was missing in all my other relationships and it made them seem lifeless to me after a while. If you can’t grow together, you’re just dying a little bit each day. This lesson was driven further home for me today by the daily email from DailyOm talking about squirrel energy. My partner is the squirrel to my tree (also my penguin and fellow rabbity-thing – which is what the above triptych is about) and reading this made me so happy, because it just shows me another way in which to rejoice in how he’s so perfect for me:

Affirming an Abundant Future
Squirrel Medicine

Native Americans considered all living beings as brothers and sisters that had much to teach including squirrels. These small creatures taught them to work in harmony with the cycles of nature by conserving for the winter months during times when food was plentiful. In our modern world, squirrels remind us to set aside a portion of our most precious resources as an investment in the future. Though food and money certainly fall into this category, they are only some of the ways our energy is manifested. We can conserve this most valuable asset by being aware of the choices we make and choosing only those that nurture and sustain us. This extends to the natural resources of our planet as well, using what we need wisely with the future in mind.

Saving and conservation are not acts of fear but rather affirmations of abundance yet to come. Squirrels accept life’s cycles, allowing them to face winters with the faith that spring will come again. Knowing that change is part of life, we can create a safe space, both spiritually and physically, that will support us in the present and sustain us in the future. This means not filling our space with things, or thoughts, that don’t serve us. Without hoarding more than we need, we keep ourselves in the cyclical flow of life when we donate our unwanted items to someone who can use them best. This allows for more abundance to enter our lives, because even squirrels know a life of abundance involves more than just survival.

Squirrels use their quick, nervous energy to enjoy life’s adventure. They are great communicators, and by helping each other watch for danger, they do not allow worry to drain them. Instead, they allow their curious nature to lead the way, staying alert to opportunities and learning as they play. Following the example set by our squirrel friends, we are reminded to enjoy the journey of life’s cycles as we plan and prepare for a wonderful future, taking time to learn and play along the way. (Source)

I also re-realized why I can’t have a relationship with my parents, especially my mother. I need to foster emotional health and healing for myself in order to share it with others and being near my mother is like having a raptor shred my heart relentlessly and that’s not something I can heal from and still have energy to do everything else I must do to function in this life. I think this has helped me finally accept that I can’t expect support to come from my parents, as I’d always wistfully hoped would happen in a perfect world where they would accept me for who I am.

I’ve also learned to accept that mine is a path of struggle that will probably be bloodied emotionally over and over again, but I’m big enough to handle it. I’ve been able to see things and respond with “well, here’s a new challenge” instead of the self-pitying and shaking my fist to fate that I used to waste my energy on.

My many issues with child birth (which was linked to my creativity in many ways) that you may remember if you’ve been reading this blog a while have come compltely full-circle and now I’ m waiting with joyous anticipation for the time when the Universe will let me know that we’re ready to bring the little soul, who’s already waiting for her new life to begin, into this material plane. I recently watched Orgasmic Birth, a documentary showing real births where women are beautifully transported into ectasy while delivering children and it was so beautiful and powerful that I cried through most of it. I know the Universe and I will be working on making my childbirth glorious like that and I’m excited to see the changes that this single goal is working in my life and mind.

Generally I’m just happy that I seem to finally have my life in balance, that I’m contributing to my community and creating a beautiful life I love. The recent shifts are really doing amazing things for me. I hope you’re able to enjoy it too.

Overcoming Obstacles

The long-term goal in my life has been to have a baby with my partner for close to two years now. For that to happen, I need to 1) pay off a significant amount of debt from school/credit cards and 2) get a divorce so I can marry my soulmate. I was getting so frustrated last month looking over what had happened the last year and feeling as if I hadn’t moved forward on the short term goals blocking me from the long-term baby-making goal.

But the Universe and my Guides must have been busy in the background, because stuff is starting to happen now!

I’d been trying to get a part time job for many many months in order to pay off my debts more quickly than I can do with the one job. Despite applying to many places, none ever contacted me until I got a call from the McDonalds one block away from the new apartment. A few weeks later now, I’m working there part time, working to get to know the system and loving the challenge to treat each person I interact with there as I would a god/goddess. It’s tiring and a bit stressful but it will be so worth the payoff… just as long as I can keep focused enough to not waste the money!

Divorce-wise, I haven’t been able to just hire a lawyer to fill out the no contest divorce forms for me, and my own research online and in book form both led me to a brick wall in my efforts. I was working with a coworker to try and get things moving, but even that was headed no where. But when I was on the phone with my Uncle telling him about my new PT  job, he asked why I had gotten it. After I told him I wanted a divorce and to pay off debt, he offered to help with the divorce since he had a ton of experience in legal terms, procedures and the like, which I only recently discovered. He has also been through the divorce process himself twice so I have high hopes that this latest attempt will have me divorced by the end of the year at the latest!

I asked my Guides for advice on Sunday night and they exhorted me to enjoy myself, care for myself, believe in myself and to realize there are no limits to what I can do. Overcoming obstacles is a major theme in my spiritual path right now and I have converted a little book I have with Ganesha, god of overcoming difficulties, that has been sitting around on my altar off and on for a while into my overcoming obstacles handbook.

It contains words, phrases and symbols of power all to help me claim my personal power or to overcome difficulties.

I’ve been chanting: Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare (just found it in an old Yoga magazine we had lying around the house) this week as well as this helps to clear difficulties, and it’s been a great source of comfort for me since I haven’t had enough time to meditate as I would like in the mornings now that I’m working two jobs.

I have high hopes to see my dreams becoming reality and I can’t wait to see what happens.

Cats and Changes

Frederick, Pinky and Inky

Lately Frederick has been coming in the mornings and dreaming with me.  We’ve been tigers in Africa, we’ve been ourselves exploring the collective unconscious, and we’ve just had conversations about our lives, past and present and where our souls are journeying.  It’s been pretty fantastic.  I’ve never been this close to an animal before and I’m astounded every morning when he comes barreling in all purry to sleep on my head that I have such sweet, constant support.

Frederick has also been happy because there is a new kitten in our lives that has kept his little brother, Pinky from trying to play with him all day every day (minus the 80% sleeping, of course).  Inky is our new little girl that our future little girl called into our lives to raise for her.

Let me go back a bit.  I’ve been reading books about Primal Mothering and each one talks about how to commune with the soul of your baby pre-conception.  Since Matt has already met our daughter, I was eager to do the same and kept calling out to her.   She finally appeared to me in a dream and as we commune both as I’m awake and asleep, she keeps telling me more that gets me more and more excited to meet her!

I can see in her all of the frustrations and thwarted desires of both my family and Matt’s being answered in our daughters life.  Which is probably why she chose her name from a character in my head who “explains it all” – Clarissa.  I already know she’s going to be a lesbian and work in the “green” design and reconstruction of historic buildings.  She’s not going to go to college, opting instead for hands-on learning and she’ll be able to take advantage of all the green job opportunities that will exist in the future.  She’s incredibly wise and gentle and it fills me with delight to know I’ll be able to help her walk her path through life.

So when my friend Sara called me and told about the tiny little kitten that needed a home (and that I could hear meowing in the background), Matt and I knew that this was Clarissa’s kitten.  She wants us to train it for her since little babies and little kitties generally don’t get along.  Inky is the most adorable kitten I’ve ever met and knowing that she’s Clarissa’s pick (and that it had to come all the way from another city to get here) just makes me proud of my little future daughter’s tenacity, will power and strength of self-knowledge.

Having her in my heart and soul has been amazingly empowering.  Instead of worrying that people will judge me for doing something for myself, like I sometimes had a problem with doing, I now just know that I have to do what I have to do to get myself ready to be a soul portal for this beautiful person.  And I’m going to do whatever is necessary to do my part in the world to make it ready for her as well.  I feel so strong and loved, I can’t believe I was so afraid of motherhood for such a long time.  I couldn’t feel more different.

The Pendulum Swing

When I was a kid, change of a drastic nature was often compared to the swinging of a pendulum from one side to a completely opposite side.  Recently, a pendulum swing took place in my soul and for the first time ever in my entire life, I happily fantasized about being pregnant.

For those of you who have been reading this blog a while, I know you’ve gotten how ill-at-ease I have been with the whole idea of childbirth and all.  It was a problem started by my mother’s attitude being my primary example and compounded by unwanted pregnancies and miscarriages of my own.

But with all the healing I’ve been doing lately, I am finally able to experience the joy and desire for a child with my partner – I’ve wanted a child with him in a part of me for a while, but definitely not the active fantasizing part of me.  So to have one secret part of myself finally be in agreement with the conscious part of myself feels incredible.  Plus, I have the joy of being able to let my love fully express his desire for our baby now that I’ve gotten over my knee-jerk reaction of “ACK!” to the idea of baby-making and baby-birthing.

Granted, this isn’t something I plan to act on immediately, I’ve got debts that I must pay off before I can even think about being able to afford a child.  But being able to let my spirit move in that direction and the hope that I’ll be able to connect with the soul of my daughter (I’ve known forever I would have a daughter) and be in communion with her long before she enters into me.  She’s already contacted my partner and I admit, it made me a little jealous.

But I’m saying all of this to say that 1) I’m very excited to be at this place in my life, for a long time I didn’t think it would ever happen and 2) I’m also excited to be so in synch with my partner and being able to enjoy this spiritual journey with each other, knowing that each step we take on our own also helps the other along the way.

Mother’s Account of a Waterbirth

Since child birth and alternative birthing methods are something I discussed here before, I wanted to share with you this story about water birth I found via Mixx.com (a good resource for alternative health blogs and the like). Christencox had her second child in a large tub of water under the care of midwives and a doula.

As soon as I could, I got in the tub and while my contractions were still painful, I felt that they were infinately more manageable than when I labored in bed during my daughter’s labor and that I was also in more control of the birth of my son. As I entered the warm tub, I instantly felt relief from the contractions. I could still feel the tightening, but it wasn’t nearly as painful. My muscles were allowed to relax and soak in the warmth of the water, and I was able to work through the labor naturally, listening to the coaching of the midwife and my doula the whole time. It was amazing how I was able to really focus internally and breathe through the contractions without thinking about how much pain I was in! Instead, I was thinking about how I could actually feel my son descending through the birth canal, and I knew that we were making progress towards his birth.

After laboring for just under 2 hours from the time my water broke, I welcomed my little water baby into the world. Having waited for 3 years to have the waterbirth I always wanted, it lived up to every expectation I had! All of the testimonials that I read were right. It truly does help you focus on the labor from within, and made the whole labor so much less painful. Not to mention the benefit of having my son be born into a more gentle environment… from water to water. It was so peaceful, he didn’t cry the moment he was born, and I was able to give him the most gentle birth possible.

You can read all of her amazing store here. There are a lot more pictures, too. I highly recommend it!

The Silver Child

On New Year’s Eve I was feeling very cranky and as if there was energy blocked in and around my back that I just couldn’t work out.  So I decided to take a ritual bath to cleanse myself and to try to create a grateful attitude in myself to replace the surliness… it’s usually easy after I’ve let myself be reminded of the incredible blessings I’ve received.

I ran the bath and poured in salt.  Then I  got in on my hands and knees, which made me think of what I’ve been reading the past few months about childbirth & home birth and how supposedly giving birth in water is the easiest possible way and this train of thought led me to have a kind of weird fantasy/daydream experience:

I saw myself as in labor (even though I was not physically pregnant) and then I was giving birth to a silver child.  I took it on my belly to recover from birth and watched as the umbilical cord pulsed more and more gently before finally stopping.  Then I moved the child to my breast and cuddled it for a while.

As I lost sight of this vision, I started to wash, praise, thank and bless my body parts.   I felt peaceful, powerful, contented and deeply grateful.

Thinking about this experience, I noticed that the childbirth imagery is all very much as I would imagined it when I was a child: pain-free and big-belly-free.  This reminded me that I have always disliked baby dolls and only played with them as a child when one of my friends told me to.  I’m hoping that this is partially the dreams and fantasies I should have had while I was young finally being able to express themselves.  All of my interest in the miracle of childbirth disappeared for me when I was about 10 or so and I asked Mom to tell me what childbirth was like, expecting to hear a story of wonder and excitement like I’d heard from my then best friend’s mother.  Instead, my mom said that having a baby was like having to poop and not being able to.   That essentially destroyed all interest I had in having a baby until I’ve recently been working to reclaim that.

(Also, have you noticed that I like to visualize silver people?  Anyone have any thoughts on that?)

Reclaiming Birth Power Collectively

The last in a series of posts from Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing by Christiane Northrup, M.D., Chapter 12: ‘Pregnancy and Birthing.’

Reclaiming Birth Power Collectively
“Imagine what might happen if the majority of women emerged from their labor beds with a renewed sense of the strength and power of their bodies, and of their capacity for ecstasy through giving birth.  When enough women realize that birth is a time of great opportunity to get in touch with their true power, and when they are willing to assume responsibility for this, we will reclaim the power of birth and help move technology where it belongs – in the service of birthing women, not as their master.

“For many women, having a baby is their first experience of being connected with other women and with their vast creativity.  It has the potential to transform the ways in which we think about ourselves.  As one patient said to me, ‘I felt at one with every woman who ever gave birth.  I felt powerful and in touch with something within me that I never knew was there.  I took my place among the lineage of women as mothers.’”

Related posts:
Turning Labor into Personal Power
Birth and Female Sexuality
Rebecca’s Story: Reclaiming Birth Power
Amanda’s Story: A Home Birth

Rebecca’s Story: Reclaiming Birth Power

From Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing by Christiane Northrup, M.D., Chapter 12: ‘Pregnancy and Birthing:’

Rebecca’s Story: Reclaiming Birth Power
“The following story is related in the words of Bethany Hays, Rebecca’s obstetrician.

“‘Rebecca was a second-time mother whose first labor had been long, but she did well with the help of her labor support person and a gentle loving husband.  Rebecca arrived at the hospital for her second birth already seven centimeters dilated and feeling great.  She walked and talked with her team of supportive people, and she sipped fluids.  She tolerated our medical intrusions into her birth with monitor, blood pressure cuff, and thermometer.
“‘After several hours, Rebecca was still only seven to eight centimeters dilated.  She was puzzled and frustrated, wanting to ‘get on with it.’  We discussed her options, including rupture of the membranes, which might bring the baby’s head down against the cervix.  The cervix felt ready and soft enough to allow the passage of the head, waiting for some unknown work yet to be done.

“‘After considering the possible negative effects of it, she chose to rupture the membranes.  This was done.  Now the contractions got harder, but after some time the exam showed that she was not quiet fully dilated.  The head was still high up in the pelvis.  She showed some urge to push when squatting, but she was not pushing effectively.  Her monitrice [professional labor support person] reminded me that during the first labor, she had also had difficulty pushing – requiring three hours in the second stage and pressure applied to the posterior vaginal wall to encourage her to push.
“‘Maybe that would help again someone suggested.  So as Rebecca squatted, I knelt on the floor, placed two fingers in her vagina, and pushed firmly on the posterior wall.  Her response was an immediate and reflexive withdrawal.  I realized that not only was I causing her pain, but I was triggering some much more serious emotional response.  My own reaction was equally strong. ‘No,’ I thought, ‘I will not participate in this abuse.  This is sexual abuse of another woman’s body, and I will not do it.’
“”Rebecca, I said, ‘let’s try something else.  Now I have always been touched at the faith (often undeserved) that patients place in me, and I knew that she trusted me.  Whatever the new plan was, she would try it.  The joke was that I had no plan.  I was flying totally by the seat of my pants.  I asked her to get comfortable, and she arranged herself semi-reclining on the bed, with her husband behind her.  ‘Now,’ I said, ‘I just want you to relax and listen to my voice.  First, go down inside yourself and find your baby where he is in your body.  When you are with him, tell him he is okay, in case he is scared.’
“‘As we waited, a slow smile came over her face, and I knew that she was with her baby.  The fetal monitor no longer disturbed her.  IT now showed sudden resolution of the small to moderate variable decelerations she’d been having with contractions. [Variable decelerations are heart rate patterns associated with compression of the umbilical cord, which can sometimes produce stress in the baby.]
“‘Now,’ I said, ‘I want you just to listen.  Many of us women have not owned all the parts of our bodies.  We have not allowed ourselves to feel our vaginas and our perineums.  They have seemed separate and are not within our control  They have negative connotations: pornographic or dirty.  In many was these parts of our bodies are problematic for us.  But the truth is that they are ours.  They belong to us like our hands and our lips and our minds.  This part of your body is yours, and you can reclaim it.  Right now.  Take it back as the sensual, enjoyable part of you that it really is.  Since it is yours, you are totally in control.  You can allow your baby to move through this part of you as fast or as slowly as you like.  It does not have to hurt you, but you will feel very strong signals from this part of your body that your are not used to feeling.  Allow those feelings and celebrate them as the return of a long-lost friend.’
“‘Now we were all watching.  Rebecca was totally relaxed, lying in her husband’s arms.  The room was quiet except for the fetal monitor which was quietly attesting to the continued well-being of the baby.  I was wondering if  I was deluding myself-pretty sure that everyone in the room must think I was nuts.
“Suddenly I realized that with each contraction, Rebeca’s perineum was bulging – the head was coming down.  It was working.  Occasionally, Rebecca lost contact with her body, became frightened, and clutched her husband.  Immediately when this happened, the baby’s heart rate pattern showed prolonged variable decelerations with slow recovery.  At these points, I would say again, ‘Talk to your baby, Rebecca.  He’s scared.  Remember, don’t go any faster than you want to.  This is your body.  All of it belongs to you.’
“‘Once again, Rebecca was quiet, and we saw the baby’s head begin to crown  Soon, with little or no pushing effort, the baby was born into his mother’s loving arms.’
“After hearing this story, I realized that the second stage of my own second labo might have been different if I’d had a doctor like Bethany hays.  I also realized that I have been involved in the unwitting physical abuse of many laboring women by pushing down on their vaginas to try to help them push, and by encouraging them, like a football coach, to ‘push him out.’  I wouldn’t have done that if I had known what I now know.”

Related posts:
Turning Labor into Personal Power
Birth and Female Sexuality

Birth and Female Sexuality

From Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom: Creating Physical and Emotional Health and Healing by Christiane Northrup, M.D., Chapter 12: ‘Pregnancy and Birthing:’

Birth and Female Sexuality
“Upon leaving the hospital after Ann’s birth (I left about six hours after she was born), it was wonderful to get into bed beside my husband, with our new little daughter sleeping in a cradle right beside my head.  She was a gift that the two of us had created together.  I felt like making love with my husband in that moment, which we did (avoiding actual intercourse, however).
“Many women describe birth in natural settings as erotic.  Ina Mae Gaskin, in her classic, Spiritual Midwifery, writes that women need to be loved in labor, to be treated like Goddesses.  Another provocative piece of writing I once read said that the birth of a baby is the completion of the act of intercourse, conception, gestation, and now delivery.  With the birth of a baby, the circle is complete.  This book suggested the birth take place between the mother and her mate, with her presenting this baby back to him.  One woman told me that after her baby was born she said to her doctor, ‘If I’d known it was going to feel this good, I’d have planned for ten babies!’
“Hospital surroundings, in which complete strangers wander in and out, are not very conducive to a woman being in touch with her deepest self.  Nor do they support spontaneous acts of affection between the woman and her mate.  Such acts make the staff very uncomfortable because they then become potential voyeurs.  A husband holding his wife from behind with his hands under her breasts while she is squatting is a problem for some.  Also, many hospital staff and patients are taught to be very concerned about keeping a woman’s body covered at all times – despite the fact that in the middle of pushing out a baby, most women could not care less!

“Bethany Hays writes, ‘As I began to reexplore my own births, I realized that I too had made an attempt to go inside to deal with the pain.  My own births, however, were filled with great violence.  I recently found the five-day diary I had written after the birth of my first child, a birth I have always spoken of with great pride in my accomplishment, the delivery of a nine-pound, six-ounce baby using Lamaze.
“‘The language I used in those days immediately after the birth, however, was that of physical abuse. “Just get mad and push that baby out.”  I remember thinking that the birth was a mixture of loss and accomplishment, of joy and trauma.  I remember my mourning over the loss of my normal vagina and perineum after a fourth-degree episiotomy [an episiotomy that goes right into the rectal lining.]  I remember that every inch of my body felt like it had been attacked by a tired tool.
“‘I remember wanting to be alone to find some way to reconcile these powerful, joyful, and at the same time threatening feelings.  I remember knowing innately that this was related to my sexuality, to my erotic core.  But it was many years before I realized that I had rejected my greatest innate ability to deal with the pain of my births: that very well of elemental energy that kept calling me.’
“Bethany Hays experienced labor as being split into two people: one who wanted to do Lamaze breathing and carry on a rational conversation with her birth attendants, and another who was drawing her into a ‘pit down inside’ that terrified her.  I, too, recall feeling split in two with my first birth.  Part of me was fighting the pain, and part was reading the fetal monitor with the practiced eye of a physician who knows that despite wide variable decelerations (dips in the heart rate) on the monitor strip, the beat-to-beat variability (another measure of heart rate) was excellent.  (Now I know that that monitor strip indicated that my baby was scared.)
“Bethany told me that she realized that the Lamaze method of breathing had worked for her only up to a point.  When the cervix was nearly dilated and it was time for the baby to traverse the pelvis, she was suddenly no longer able to do the ordered breathing patterns that, she thought then, had gotten her that far.  when it was time to push, she recalls being in a place she could only identify as ’somewhere I could not stay.’  At this point she said she wanted to get rid of the baby at all costs.  (Women sometimes yell at this point, “Get it out of there!”) For Bethany, this included, during her first birth, demanding that forceps be used to accomplish the delivery.  (But in her defense, she realized that being strapped to the delivery table flat on her back to deliver a nine-and-a-half point baby after one and a half hours of pushing was not ideal.)
“In subsequent births she again found herself in that ‘terrible, unacceptable place’ in which she used all her rational powers to ‘bypass that terrible transit through the pelvis.’ ‘Just get tough.’ ‘Get mad and get him out.’ ‘Ignore the pain, just push through it.’ This resulted, she notes, in ‘considerable pain and trauma to myself.’  Both of us remember telling similar things to our patients repeatedly: ‘Just push through the pain – get him out.  Get mad!’  Labor and delivery staff are trained to do this, too.
“Later in her career, Bethany met a woman who taught her-and me-the secret of the second stage of labor, which now seems obvious: Women don’t want to push because we feel disconnected from that part of our bodies and because giving birth is a sexual experience, almost taboo with so many people looking on.  Instead of pushing through the second stage of labor as though it were an athletic event, women would do well to let their uterus do the work, while allowing their vaginas to relax into the process.
“During my residency training, I was accused of being Dr. Pain by the nurses because I didn’t insist on a spinal anesthetic for every delivery.  Even then, I knew that pushing the baby out took a relatively small amount of time, and I believed that it was far better for a woman to be alert for her new baby than to have the lower half of her body paralyzed from a spinal so that forceps had to be used to pull the baby out.  I witnessed many women who had spinal anesthesia for routine deliveries fall asleep on the delivery table.  These women were much less ‘present’ to greet their babies than those who had birthed normally.
“Back then, I didn’t appreciate the fact that birth is part of the continuum of female sexuality and that by numbing the lower half of the body to feeling anything painful, we were also numbing the possibility for feeling anything estatic or sexual.”

Related post:
Turning Labor into Personal Power