Faerie Ring

I made myself a crown to facilitate talking to the faeries. It’s made mostly of dried roses.

Blessing Like Ammachi

The following passage is from Cunt: A Declaration of Independence by Inga Muscio. If you’re a woman and have never read this book, you don’t know what you’re missing:

“Ammachi is a woman from India who comes to America and has these ashram things. The first time I went to her ashram thing, I had no idea what it was about. I saw a bunch of mostly white people dressed in white clothes who bugged me with their “Oh, I am so very holy and drink herbal tea constantly” vibration.

“But the music was amazing.

“Ammachi sat in the front of the room on a bunch of pillows. Musicians, attendants, children and flowers surrounded her. Thousands of flowers, like when Princess Diana died. She sat there with her eyes closed, and chanted. Probably, she was meditating. Wearing a flowing white sari, she was covered with chiffon, silk, everything soft and whispery. I figured she understood the concept of an ashram far better than I, so I did the same as her. Closed my eyes, sat and listened.

“This lasted a long time, but like in a dream, I don’t know how many minutes and hours passed.

“Then there were the rustling sounds of people standing up. I opened my eyes. Everyone was forming a double-file line that led to Ammachi.

“My friends told me she was gonna bless people, so we queued up. The line was very, very long, snaking throughout the entire large building we were in. If it had been a line at the post office that I absolutely had to stand in for some reason or another, I woulda sold my soul to the person in front to give me cuts. But this line was different. The music and nice quiet felt good. Being blessed by an incarnationg of the Goddess is also much more alluring than overnighting IRS forms.

“Before I knew it, I was next.

“An attendant led me to her and kinda helped me kneel down right. Ammachi seized me gently – if you can imagine that – and pulled me into her lap. She cradled me, murmuring sweet chanting sounds into my ear. Her body engulfed mine and I relaxed – almost melted – into her. My face buried in her shoulder and neck, I breathed in her smell.

“This is when I really, truly started to freak on the wonder of Ammachi. After holding hundreds of people in this manner, you would think she’d start to kinda stink. I was nowhere near the beginning of the line. The sun set and went down, down, down, down to Australia while I stood in that line. A lot of people were in her arms before me, but the woman smelled like flowers. Not perfumey at all. Like if you covered every inch of your bedroom floor with freshly cut bouquets of jasmine, gardenia, roses, yacinth, carnations, sweet peas and freesia is what she smelled like. And this smell wasn’t coming from the flowers around her, it exuded from her skin, the fabrics of her sari and veils. It filled my whole body, permeated my pores. Her smell made me so giddy the attendant had to help me stand back up again. She stared deeply into my eyes and pressed flower petals and chocolate kisses into my hand.

“I stumbled away like a drunk.

…

“For a whole week afterwards, my entire apartment smelled like Ammachi. Everywhere I went, I smelled her smell. Walking down the street with one of my friends, the smell of Ammachi would assail me. I’d go “Damn, do you smell that?” And my friend’d go, “Car exhaust? What?”

“As Ammachi’s smell faded from my life, I started thinking about what happened when she blessed me.

“It was the first time in my life I felt loved. Physically, emotionally, psychically, spiritually, deeply loved from the epidermis of my skin that featured a couple of ugly zits, to the core of my heart that is still traumatized by the death of my brother, abortions, meanspirited lovergirls and other nasty hurts. It is a consciousness-broadening freak-out to feel love in this way.”

***

I want to be like Ammachi – not in particulars, but in general – I want to love so deeply it pours out of me in a physical scent manifestation.

I have a vision of myself radiating light, warmth, comfort and the scent of roses, past judgement, past fear and full of gentle power.

Living in Flow

As I‘ve been working the past several weeks to open and live through my heart chakra, rather than my ego, I’ve noticed a beautiful blossoming of love for myself and for every other person and creature and plant.  My heart has opened to the idea of fairies, thanks in part to encountering angels, and other benficial energetic beings that I was closed to before.  My love for my family has overwhelmed any of the bad feelings normally caused when I think of them and instead my love and desire for their happiness and joy has let me finally feel at peace about my relationships with them.  I can finally accept that they won’t change because I’ve accepted that I will always love them anyway.

I have also become amazingly aware of the god/goddess in everyone, which has also been a help in approaching people with love instead of judgement.  It’s amazing how free and easy I feel. It’s as if I was trying to make myself responsible for other people before instead of just spending my energy on myself.  Now that I’m focused on simply being me, walking my path, and performing my part in the experience of life as I know only I can, everything is coming to me with ease and joy.  I’m no longer putting excruciating effort into the simplest things.  I can finally let go and let it be and be joyful in experiencing just being.

It has been a beautiful gift that has increased my gratitude towards other light and energy beings and my fellow travelers in this world.  I have felt so in the flow instead of fighting against the current and it’s amazing how far you can go when you simply relax and let it take you!

Thank you to all of you who have shared your experiences with me and let them help me finally have the courage to be myself and live in love.  I am deeply grateful for your investment in my life.

Birthday Ritual

I’ve been mulling over what sort of ritual I should do to mark my birthday and this morning I received inspiration.

I plan to ritually bathe, create a circle (I’m thinking with my crystals) and sit inside it while reciting this out loud to myself:

I am a child of the stars

Carried by this womb, Earth

May she bless me with her water (I plan to cross myself with water while saying this – because a cross in a circle is the Medicine Wheel)

May she bless me with her air (I’ll cross myself with incense)

May she bless me with her soil and stones (here I’ll cross myself with soil and possibly one of my special rocks)

May she bless me with her fire (I’ll cross myself with a candle)

That I, in turn, may nourish her

And every soul I encounter

With the fullness of life

Which is joy

May I always be ready to be birthed anew

Until my True Self emerges

Goddess Warrior of All That Is

Then I plan to use my “spirit bells” (a pair of homemade noisemakers that I use to help me focus my energy in a weird form of sound meditation) and walk the circle, raising power before resting and grounding myself with my palms and head to the floor while sending my thanks to the Universe and Gaia.

Creating Sacred Space

I’ve been working to up the energy level of my apartment as a sacred space ever since we moved in.  I’ve recently added a lot of new aspects to it, as they’re seemingly attracting me (and vice versa) more often than ever before.  Anyway, I’m happy with the feel and flow of the apartment these days and I thought I’d share some of the charms and what not around the place, and introduce you to my “household gods” while I’m at it.

Entryway: Protection and Blessing

The above picture shows the little rune symbols I have hanging on the inside of the door. I made this when I was first getting into runes and I have a feeling that I’ll be changing that soon, but for now, that’s what I have.  The top rune, Ingwaz, represents common sense, family love, caring, human warmth, the home, rest without anxiety and listening to yourself.  The middle rune, Othala, stands for home, what is truly important, land of birth, spiritual heritage, safety, increased abundance, group order and prosperity.  The bottom rune, Fehu, represents earned wealth or abundance, energy, foresight, fertility, creation/destruction (becoming) and luck.

When you enter the apartment, the first thing you see is the entryway where I have my shoe rack, which is also my gargoyle, Gregory’s perch.  Gargoyles ward off evil spirits, which I didn’t believe until it happened to me: when I was living in Pennsylvania, I shared a house at one point with 5 other people, including two Wiccan women.  One of them was not smart about what she did and invited an evil presence into the house.  Long after she moved, I would hear phantom footsteps on the stairs – completely different from the ghosts in the house (the builders and previous owners who were also my then-boyfriend’s grandparents).  In the basement where she had stayed a dankness and unsettling feeling settled and I didn’t know what to do about it.  My friend Brittany did, luckily.  She lent me her gargoyle, which effectively kept the spirit (don’t really know what it was except it was a man-shaped shadow) at bay.  After that, I firmly believed in their power and so now I keep Gregory watching at the door.  He is also inscribed with a rune that I charged with catching any negative intents from people entering and to “store” them until they leave and take their negative energy with them.

Beneath him, is a little container that once held a candle.  My boyfriend’s mother gave it to us and the symbol on it stands for love.  It holds holy water and is another pergative aspect of the entry way as well as defensive.

General living area: Household Gods

This is a Polynesian fertility god gifted to me from a woman who briefly offered spiritual and emotional solice.  Since I don’t know it’s name or anything more about it, I call it “Lord Tutankhamen” because I’ve always found that name whimsical and I find the lovely carving on this god to ‘feel’ the same.  Anyways, I’ve told him I mean no disrespect, so it’s all good.  As you can see, I have an offering of our change bowl for him.  Mostly this is because I’ve been having lots of $ problems the past year.  Recently things are looking up significantly, and I credit part of this to the positive vibes we get from and give to Lord Tut.  He is also always sitting beside plants, because fertility gods love making plants grow (at least historically).  I love this little guy, and he’s quite special being only one of two ‘gods’ gifted to me.

This is Ganesha, god of overcoming difficulties. He’s a diety I have always loved, but recently became much closer to, especially since he helped me graduate from grad school (when I technically shouldn’t have!). My boyfriend also has a strong affinity for Ganesha, which is one of the things I love about him (plus, my guys got a big ole head like Ganesha which I find adorable).  We want to give him a bowl of milk, but we’ve got to deal with our fungus gnat (they love potting soil) problem before we do that!  I waited for years to buy a Ganesha statue, waiting to find the perfect one.  My bf and I recently purchased this together, which I found completely fitting.

This is my Gaia/earth goddess altar.  The figurine is a recent purchase I was very excited about.  I’d always loved the idea of having an earth goddess figure like this, but never ever ever saw one.  Then, when I went on my crystal search, it led me to finding this!  I was extremely excited and have displayed it with a bunch of crystals, partially for that reason.  The darkish thing on the far left is a red votive candle holder.  In the center is an incense cone holder I’m using to hold rose quartz and moonstone crystals.  The lid is propped up by a heart-shaped rock that is one of two lasting relics of the most moving same-sex relationship I’ve ever had (that lasted all of 2 weeks ::sigh::), and to the far right is a beautiful quartz crystal with all sorts of gorgeous wand shapes coming out of it.

Bedroom: Dreams and Zen

This is one of the dream catchers in the bedroom and it’s also the largest (the other one is 2/3 the size and white/green).  Our roof slopes down over the bed, which is supposed to be positive feng shui, and the dreamcatcher is hanging right over where our heads fall.  I love dreamcatchers for their web of life symbology among other things.  It feels very peaceful with it there.

Though I am by no means a Buddhist, I absolutely adore Buddha. He is the only man-god (others being Jesus & Muhammad) that I revere in any fashion. I love him absolutely for his compassion, his patience and his joyfulness. I spent a lot of time meditating on/with this figure and it is very dear to my heart. I am comforted when I see it, which is one reason why I keep it in the bedroom where I will see it quite often.  Also, I have him underneath a plant to simulate his Bodhi tree.  I think he likes it.

This cat figure is the second relic of the same-sex relationship I referred to earlier.  She gave this to me for Christmas and I love it because cats are one of my totem animals; I absolutely love Egyptian goddesses like Bast and Ishtar; and because it was the first spiritual gift I’d ever received.  This is on the second tier of the table Buddha is on, facing the window where my cat Frederick loves to hang out, sleep and watch the wildlife.  I like to think that Frederick’s energy lends to it, and it’s also why I have a tiny jingly bell from a toy of Frederick’s (that I accidentally stepped) on between the cat figure’s paws.

So that’s it for now.  Oh, except I have a tear-drop shaped crystal hanging around on a mirror right now because I can’t decide where it goes.  Hopefully it will come to me soon.

Happy Spring!

Today is the Spring Equinox and I am celebrating growth and rebirth, represented by Eostre, goddess of fertility & growth.  According to Kidzworld.com:

Eostre is the Pagan holiday that celebrates the return of spring and the balance between light and dark on, or around, the Spring Equinox. Eostre was the Pagan goddess of dawn, fertility and new beginnings. The Christian celebration of Christ’s rebirth, Easter, is also celebrated around this time and got its name from Eostre.

Her symbols are the egg and the hare (sound familiar?) and I plan to celebrate today by using Selena Fox’s suggestion:

Make a growth charm out of a hard-boiled egg — decorate it with symbols, write on it the quality you would like to manifest more fully within yourself, energize it, and then eat it.

I plan to use the Eihwaz, Algiz, and Mannaz runes to call for a community of trust worthy friends who’ve all got each others backs.

Charmed Rebirth

 

A while ago I mentioned that learning runes was one of my goals.  I’ve taught myself a bit about them, although I haven’t gotten into it as deeply as I will after I’ve actually made my own runes.  But I learned enough that I was drawn to connect with a rune when I was mourning on Monday.  I looked up my list of runes that had drawn me powerfully to them during my initial runic explorations and this one just leaped off of the page:

I forged a new relationship with this rune (by itself and in the charm below) that day.  I’m sure you can infer why from this description of the rune’s meaning:

Beorc is the rune of the Great Mother and as such is the primary rune of fertility. It also conceals and protects and rules over all protective enclosures, such as houses or temple areas. It is very good to use in a runescript for the peace, projection and harmony of a household. It represents a very feminine and nurturing female type. Fertility. Protection. Family matters. To bring ideas to fruition.

Rebirth in the spirit. Strengthens the power of secrecy. Works of concealment and protection. To contain and hold other powers together. Realization of the oneness of the moment as the mother of all things.  (From Sunnyway.com)

I drew the charm on my arm that day and realized I wanted to add it to the tattoo of a raven I’ve been planning to get (follow the link to find out why).  It added another piece to the puzzle about myself I’ve been trying to unravel by showing me just how many times I have been reborn and the power I’ve gained from that, despite how awful the change might have been.

Plus, having the charm on my arm reminds me that all births are nurtured best in love and loving myself is important… something I need to be reminded of.

Mary, Queen of Heaven

My favorite goddesses are sky goddesses (I blame my spacey way of thinking) and thanks to my ex, I got into Mary worship, which is about as close as I get to christianity these days.  But, since recent issues with my very strict crazy baptist parents have made me more grouchy than usual at the Xian gods, I decided I was going to re-write the Hail Mary for myself.  I did this because many women through the years have prayed this prayer to Mary and I think there is so much power in it because of that.  I tried to keep my version similar, but it’s definitely MY prayer now and not that of the catholic church:

Hail Mary, full of grace,
Please be with me.
Blessed art thou among women
and blessed is the fruit of thy womb.
Holy Mary, mother of mystery,
Be with your daughter,
Now and when I most need love.
Amen.

You can read the original version here.

If you like my version, please feel free to use it!  I’d love to have others imbuing it with power — I’m a big believer in the power of our collective consciousness.