Coming Out

I started this blog far away from my “normal” blog a long time ago so I could keep this stuff hidden should I so desire. I finally got sick of pretending not to be myself and “came out” spiritually on it today.

Very freeing and another local blogger even stopped by my work to give me crystals (that’s me with them above) a relative of hers finds all over in Arkansas! It was a beautiful confirmation that I’m doing the right thing by not being afraid of who I am.

It is utterly delightful.

Visions

My girlfriend and the picture she drew for me

When my girlfriend visited me, she drew a picture of our dreamed-of future farm (where we want to live out our days being self-sustaining and close to nature) with my energy flowering/flowing out of it in rays with little hearts in them. Since then and since I’ve been chanting, I’ve (and the cats) have been seeing love flow out of me in purple wavey currents with hearts in them. I then realized that flow is the same as the river/ocean I see running through the gardens of animal spirits in my chakras. It is beautiful and freeing to watch the energy pulse through and beyond me. The cats like to sit near me and bask in it when I’m especially vibrating on a high wavelength.

I also want to be sure I’m not neglecting meditation, just sitting with my breath, even though I am chanting a lot now. For a few days I let the chanting replace the meditation instead of realizing how well they work together and that I am stronger and calmer when I do  both. This means I have to really get myself up in the morning and take advantage of my quiet alone time before my darling wakes up.

My first intimation I received linking angels & bees

I did that this morning and as I meditated was given a vision of the angels/devas/earth spirits working in my chakras as flowers like big fuzzy bumblebees. Which is funny b/c I made the above art work (it’s a drawing w/ dangling charm) MONTHS ago that related angels to bees and it tickled something in my brain that I didn’t come to realize consciously until now. They were cross-pollinating the energy in me because I have been welcoming them into my life to work and change me. They showed me that this is one way in which kindred spirits far away from one another are able to share ideas, if they’re on the right wavelength and are allowing the angels to work. It’s also why many times in history the same idea has sprung up in two separate continents at the same time. The angels are here to help us be better humans the way bees strengthen the diversity of flowers by spreading the pollen far and wide. It was a beautiful and sweet vision with which to start the morning.

I also decided to try to use my crystal divination set daily. I used it Sunday, missed yesterday, but used it today. Each time I use it, the messages become easier to see. It is such a joy to be advised by caring entities about what I should be watching for on my path for the day. It helps me to stay centered and to be aware of my reactions and to respond from the heart and from spirit instead of from ego and emotion. I’m so grateful my beautiful girlfriend gave it to me.

I’m also thinking of getting a set of rune stones. I wasn’t interested in runes for divination previously, but I also wasn’t in tune enough with my guides to listen to them that way. I think I’m ready now and as much as I love the crystal set, I think the runes allow for greater possibility and nuances in the divination that I would be wise to take advantage of.

I am getting better at being my true self more often. I had difficulties in the past expressing my spiritual side to my lover and I’m getting better at it now  because I am focusing now on whether or not he’ll think I’m crazy, but on what he needs to know to really know and understand me as I want him to and trusting him to be big enough to accept new ideas of me than he had before, hoping at the same time that it will help him widen his perspective and tap into his inner power.

I’m also hoping that I will keep this same idea in mind in all my relationships and not be afraid of rejection but to live my truth without hesitation. You know, walking in love, not fear.

If you’re interested in seeing more of my art, as well as poems, etc., please visit my deviantArt page.

New Year, New Habits

While I didn’t intend to start any new spritual habits for a new year’s resolution, I almost did accidentally.  I’ve been concerned about being open to the Universe and what it’s saying to me, what it has for me.  So I decided to set aside a few minutes out of my morning before I do my yoga routine to sit and meditate, simply breathing and being open.

I’ve felt my palms prickle with energy as I imagine the gifts of the Universe falling into my hands like warm summer rain.  I’ve been led to thank and bless my guides and ancestors.  For a few minutes, I simply sit and let my mind feel a peaceful quite acceptance and gratitude that gives me a sense of relief and mental balance I am dearly learning to love.

Also changed this year and quite by accident is what I am now calling my “charm bag” – but what just started as a velvet bag with small crystals in it that I tuck into my pocket or bra every day.  I used to have a piece of turquoise and a piece of emerald, but I lost my emerald and found a stone I thought I’d lost, so I decided to change what I keep with me every day.  I still have the turquoise, to which I’ve added a Shiva stone (supposed to be the highest vibrational stone on the Earth), a moonstone (for fulfilling one’s destiny), and another stone that I can’t remember the name of, but it is for helping you understand your connectedness with everything.  I also added some charms I had been wearing on a necklace until recently: my Isis pendant, a rune pendant and a ring that has much of my personal energy within it.

Creating Sacred Space

I’ve been working to up the energy level of my apartment as a sacred space ever since we moved in.  I’ve recently added a lot of new aspects to it, as they’re seemingly attracting me (and vice versa) more often than ever before.  Anyway, I’m happy with the feel and flow of the apartment these days and I thought I’d share some of the charms and what not around the place, and introduce you to my “household gods” while I’m at it.

Entryway: Protection and Blessing

The above picture shows the little rune symbols I have hanging on the inside of the door. I made this when I was first getting into runes and I have a feeling that I’ll be changing that soon, but for now, that’s what I have.  The top rune, Ingwaz, represents common sense, family love, caring, human warmth, the home, rest without anxiety and listening to yourself.  The middle rune, Othala, stands for home, what is truly important, land of birth, spiritual heritage, safety, increased abundance, group order and prosperity.  The bottom rune, Fehu, represents earned wealth or abundance, energy, foresight, fertility, creation/destruction (becoming) and luck.

When you enter the apartment, the first thing you see is the entryway where I have my shoe rack, which is also my gargoyle, Gregory’s perch.  Gargoyles ward off evil spirits, which I didn’t believe until it happened to me: when I was living in Pennsylvania, I shared a house at one point with 5 other people, including two Wiccan women.  One of them was not smart about what she did and invited an evil presence into the house.  Long after she moved, I would hear phantom footsteps on the stairs – completely different from the ghosts in the house (the builders and previous owners who were also my then-boyfriend’s grandparents).  In the basement where she had stayed a dankness and unsettling feeling settled and I didn’t know what to do about it.  My friend Brittany did, luckily.  She lent me her gargoyle, which effectively kept the spirit (don’t really know what it was except it was a man-shaped shadow) at bay.  After that, I firmly believed in their power and so now I keep Gregory watching at the door.  He is also inscribed with a rune that I charged with catching any negative intents from people entering and to “store” them until they leave and take their negative energy with them.

Beneath him, is a little container that once held a candle.  My boyfriend’s mother gave it to us and the symbol on it stands for love.  It holds holy water and is another pergative aspect of the entry way as well as defensive.

General living area: Household Gods

This is a Polynesian fertility god gifted to me from a woman who briefly offered spiritual and emotional solice.  Since I don’t know it’s name or anything more about it, I call it “Lord Tutankhamen” because I’ve always found that name whimsical and I find the lovely carving on this god to ‘feel’ the same.  Anyways, I’ve told him I mean no disrespect, so it’s all good.  As you can see, I have an offering of our change bowl for him.  Mostly this is because I’ve been having lots of $ problems the past year.  Recently things are looking up significantly, and I credit part of this to the positive vibes we get from and give to Lord Tut.  He is also always sitting beside plants, because fertility gods love making plants grow (at least historically).  I love this little guy, and he’s quite special being only one of two ‘gods’ gifted to me.

This is Ganesha, god of overcoming difficulties. He’s a diety I have always loved, but recently became much closer to, especially since he helped me graduate from grad school (when I technically shouldn’t have!). My boyfriend also has a strong affinity for Ganesha, which is one of the things I love about him (plus, my guys got a big ole head like Ganesha which I find adorable).  We want to give him a bowl of milk, but we’ve got to deal with our fungus gnat (they love potting soil) problem before we do that!  I waited for years to buy a Ganesha statue, waiting to find the perfect one.  My bf and I recently purchased this together, which I found completely fitting.

This is my Gaia/earth goddess altar.  The figurine is a recent purchase I was very excited about.  I’d always loved the idea of having an earth goddess figure like this, but never ever ever saw one.  Then, when I went on my crystal search, it led me to finding this!  I was extremely excited and have displayed it with a bunch of crystals, partially for that reason.  The darkish thing on the far left is a red votive candle holder.  In the center is an incense cone holder I’m using to hold rose quartz and moonstone crystals.  The lid is propped up by a heart-shaped rock that is one of two lasting relics of the most moving same-sex relationship I’ve ever had (that lasted all of 2 weeks ::sigh::), and to the far right is a beautiful quartz crystal with all sorts of gorgeous wand shapes coming out of it.

Bedroom: Dreams and Zen

This is one of the dream catchers in the bedroom and it’s also the largest (the other one is 2/3 the size and white/green).  Our roof slopes down over the bed, which is supposed to be positive feng shui, and the dreamcatcher is hanging right over where our heads fall.  I love dreamcatchers for their web of life symbology among other things.  It feels very peaceful with it there.

Though I am by no means a Buddhist, I absolutely adore Buddha. He is the only man-god (others being Jesus & Muhammad) that I revere in any fashion. I love him absolutely for his compassion, his patience and his joyfulness. I spent a lot of time meditating on/with this figure and it is very dear to my heart. I am comforted when I see it, which is one reason why I keep it in the bedroom where I will see it quite often.  Also, I have him underneath a plant to simulate his Bodhi tree.  I think he likes it.

This cat figure is the second relic of the same-sex relationship I referred to earlier.  She gave this to me for Christmas and I love it because cats are one of my totem animals; I absolutely love Egyptian goddesses like Bast and Ishtar; and because it was the first spiritual gift I’d ever received.  This is on the second tier of the table Buddha is on, facing the window where my cat Frederick loves to hang out, sleep and watch the wildlife.  I like to think that Frederick’s energy lends to it, and it’s also why I have a tiny jingly bell from a toy of Frederick’s (that I accidentally stepped) on between the cat figure’s paws.

So that’s it for now.  Oh, except I have a tear-drop shaped crystal hanging around on a mirror right now because I can’t decide where it goes.  Hopefully it will come to me soon.

The Crystal

On Monday I was reading through Amber Wolfe’s Totem Adoption Ceremony (which I will include at the end of this post). She talks about colors of light to imagine coming from or to the totem, specifically green (for heartfelt connection) and gold (for active higher energy). I’ve also been reading a lot about her personal experiences with totem interaction and it definitely created a hunger in me to find a connection like that to an object totem. And, once again, I got to see the the Universe is aware of my thought energy being sent out as surely as if I was praying every moment, because It answered my desire last night.

At my uncle’s house there are pieces of quartz crystal sitting in a bowl on his living room table. I was instantly reminded of my friend Andrea whose spiritual sensitivity I admire. She sleeps with two crystals in her hand and from getting to know her I first experimented with using stones and crystals as vehicles of spiritual power and comfort. There were three smallish pieces and one large one, so I held each of the small ones in turn to see how they would respond to me. One of them leaped out to me as something right and I held it to see what would come of our connection.

I held the crystal and saw my hand glowing yellow, then blue flashed onto the yellow and it became green and I held that greenness so that it went through my head and my heart. I moved it across my third eye, my heart, and then laid the crystal on my stomach and watched as a rainbow of light shot out of it from me and from the Universe into me. Suddenly it occurred to me that the light didn’t have to stay in this shape, and I rolled it into a ball with my hands and moved the energy to swirl around the crystal and through me. I slept with it in my hand/beside me and woke up renewed.

Wolfe warns against over-using totems, but I think I’d like to sleep with this crystal the way Andrea sleeps with hers. So I’m going to follow that example, but place my crystal on the floor every day so that it can be grounded and in peace.

Below the cut is the totem adoption ceremony. You’ll notice mine was significantly different that what she suggests, but that’s why individuality makes this type of spirituality so much fun.