Art

So many things are changing in my mind. I’m letting go of fears I wasn’t even aware I had and the Universe is opening up a whole new world of connections for me. There’s so much I could talk about, but I’m feeling so scattered I’m not sure now is the best time to do so. Instead, I’ll share some of my recent creations:

The Horned Goddes ruless over changes. She sees deep within herself where the totality of the Universe unfurls. She smiles contentedly knowing all things are where they must be. She will lead you through the changes that bring you closer and closer to yourself.

Faerie Twilight. During a recent meditation, I saw this vision… of course, it was better in my head, but this is pretty close.

Flower chakras. The piece I’ve been wanting to draw forever finally came out. It’s not how I origionally imagined it, but I love it. This picture doesn’t really show the detail at the top, but otherwise it’s good.

You can see more of my art here.

Princess Aquazephyr

So after I met my fairy nature spirit guide, I was set for some exciting developments especially since she insisted I meet with her the very next day! I did and she told me her name and showed me her symbol [above]. I think it’s funny that her name is constructed just like my true name (fireflower) is: two nature elements smooshed together to make a name.

She also told me that she is a fairie princess and that they aren’t usually the ones who work with people, but that I’m an important player so she agreed to be my guide. She told me to become lighter and more joyful and gave me the image/sensation of being a peice of dandelion fluff carried in the wind. I felt so joyous and free it was amazing!

The next time I meditated on going through the fairie door to meet her I was in Omaha for the weekend and was finally able to make it into the woods to meditate! Princess Aquazephyr had me sleep with my head in her lap during which she sang and healed me, making my chakras shine like little christmas lights. Then she spoke to me within the dream in the meditation and showed me as a spider weaving a web.

Here I have to take a break and let you know that the Universe recently revealed to me that the wolf spider is one of my totems. I read a poem by Alice Walker which she prefaced with saying that the ancients believed that if an animal appeared 3 times to you, it was your spirit animal. The spider that had recently taken residence on our porch and that both reminded me of the scary impressive and amazing wolf spider the size of a dinner plate that I saw only 3 times in my parents shack in the back yard, even though it lived there. I realized that the spider is very important to me and is the manifestation of my story-telling abilities. Now back to what Princess Aquazephyr was showing me….

She told me that I must remember that as a storyteller I am like the spider. What I use to make the stories is a gift from the Universe, but the crafting and weaving of my stories is my gift back to the Universe. Then she woke me and blessed me and I prostrated myself before her thrice, which she liked a lot. She told me to look for a gift from the fairies on the way back out of the woods. I saw many things and asked if they were the gift, but they weren’t. Then I found a rock and that was it! Remember, I like to decorate rocks.

I have been working once more on writing stories, which is great. I’ve had an idea for a collection but couldn’t get up the gumption to start, but I have now and I’ve started on another one too.

Oh, and here’s a picture of my base chakra animal guide I told you about. I’ll be drawing all of them eventually, but this guy I finally got around to drawing last night:

Visions

My girlfriend and the picture she drew for me

When my girlfriend visited me, she drew a picture of our dreamed-of future farm (where we want to live out our days being self-sustaining and close to nature) with my energy flowering/flowing out of it in rays with little hearts in them. Since then and since I’ve been chanting, I’ve (and the cats) have been seeing love flow out of me in purple wavey currents with hearts in them. I then realized that flow is the same as the river/ocean I see running through the gardens of animal spirits in my chakras. It is beautiful and freeing to watch the energy pulse through and beyond me. The cats like to sit near me and bask in it when I’m especially vibrating on a high wavelength.

I also want to be sure I’m not neglecting meditation, just sitting with my breath, even though I am chanting a lot now. For a few days I let the chanting replace the meditation instead of realizing how well they work together and that I am stronger and calmer when I do  both. This means I have to really get myself up in the morning and take advantage of my quiet alone time before my darling wakes up.

My first intimation I received linking angels & bees

I did that this morning and as I meditated was given a vision of the angels/devas/earth spirits working in my chakras as flowers like big fuzzy bumblebees. Which is funny b/c I made the above art work (it’s a drawing w/ dangling charm) MONTHS ago that related angels to bees and it tickled something in my brain that I didn’t come to realize consciously until now. They were cross-pollinating the energy in me because I have been welcoming them into my life to work and change me. They showed me that this is one way in which kindred spirits far away from one another are able to share ideas, if they’re on the right wavelength and are allowing the angels to work. It’s also why many times in history the same idea has sprung up in two separate continents at the same time. The angels are here to help us be better humans the way bees strengthen the diversity of flowers by spreading the pollen far and wide. It was a beautiful and sweet vision with which to start the morning.

I also decided to try to use my crystal divination set daily. I used it Sunday, missed yesterday, but used it today. Each time I use it, the messages become easier to see. It is such a joy to be advised by caring entities about what I should be watching for on my path for the day. It helps me to stay centered and to be aware of my reactions and to respond from the heart and from spirit instead of from ego and emotion. I’m so grateful my beautiful girlfriend gave it to me.

I’m also thinking of getting a set of rune stones. I wasn’t interested in runes for divination previously, but I also wasn’t in tune enough with my guides to listen to them that way. I think I’m ready now and as much as I love the crystal set, I think the runes allow for greater possibility and nuances in the divination that I would be wise to take advantage of.

I am getting better at being my true self more often. I had difficulties in the past expressing my spiritual side to my lover and I’m getting better at it now  because I am focusing now on whether or not he’ll think I’m crazy, but on what he needs to know to really know and understand me as I want him to and trusting him to be big enough to accept new ideas of me than he had before, hoping at the same time that it will help him widen his perspective and tap into his inner power.

I’m also hoping that I will keep this same idea in mind in all my relationships and not be afraid of rejection but to live my truth without hesitation. You know, walking in love, not fear.

If you’re interested in seeing more of my art, as well as poems, etc., please visit my deviantArt page.

Death, Change and Growth

It’s been a rough few weeks for me. My girlfriend and her husband came to visit, which was a wonderful experience and the Universe showed me once again just how truly perfect she and I are for one another and how wonderfully our weaknesses and strengths compliment one another and our relationships with our mens.

On the other hand, they arrived the same day my Uncle, my mom’s brother, died in a freak construction accident. I had a strange relationship with my Uncle. He was the only older family member I had who understood that the Universe was concious and who could talk to trees like I do. The stories he told me about his life and about my family went a long, long way towards explaining who I am and how I fit in with my family, making many things that seemed totally strange suddenly familiar knowing that they rested in my DNA.

Unfortunately, he was also an alcoholic, selfish jerk who often made inappropriate comments to me and who tried to rape me. I didn’t have a relationship with him after I tried to talk to him about it and he refused to acknowledge any wrong. Because of this and because it was his own not taking care of himself behaviour that was part of what made him such a jerk that caused his death, I had a lot of anger to process towards him.

I’ve talked to his spirit several times since, working towards full forgiveness and healing, but I don’t think it’s a process that will happen easily, especially since he’s the first person in my life I really cared about who has died. Also, I keep checking my chakras for damage from him and finding knives stuck in my lower three chakras, though I keep working to remove them and heal… not really sure what it will take except just time, which seems to be the greatest healer of all.

On top of this, my grandmother, my dad’s mom died. This didn’t really effect me emotionally since grandma has always been completely insane and I had no relationship with her. She’s the reason my dad hates women, which is somewhat understandable since she tried to kill him and his siblings many times, but it’s still a difficult legacy to live with and  contributed to so much of what made my childhood absolute hell on earth.

The funerals were both this weekend and it was extremely trying for me. I haven’t talked to my parents because they haven’t had any interest in trying to repair our relationship and I made it clear to them via a sibling that I wouldn’t talk to them until they did. I renigged on that a bit since I was led by my guides to move towards healing (although they’re the one’s who also made me give up completely on having a relationship with them… they like when I give up so they can do the unexpected, I’m learning) and talked to both my mom and my dad slightly.

Of course, they’re trying to pretend like nothing has been wrong between us and treat me the same as always, which is really poorly. It’s especially painful right now because mom is so in love with these two married and pregnant/just delivered a baby cousins of mine… and my parents really don’t give a shit about their kids at all. We all know it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.

I really held on to meditation, yoga and chanting to get me through. With the way my emotions and energy were buffetted around, I can’t imagine how awful it would have been if I’d been trying to get through without my practice!

I’ve very grateful to my guides and the Universe for making me strong enough to deal with this. I’m still seeking their wisdom on what to  do with my parents. But I know that they’ll show my path as I need to walk it and I can trust in that. I’m also grateful to them for the healing in the relationships with my sisters. We got along this weekend like we haven’t in 8 or 9 years. It was such a wonderful gift!

Oh! One last awesome thing that happened before the funerals! Because of that shaman book I was reading, I met the power animal guides for each of my chakras! They are (from  crown chakra to base): dolphin, raven, fox, penguin, peacock, rabbit, snake. After meeting them, I now see my chakras as globes containing gardens in which my animals live and frolic and where I can visit with them for wisdom or comfort. The vixen in my heart has  been especially comforting during this time.

Spritual Magician

Your spiritual gift based on the chakra charts is mental magic.
You have strong talents in the magickal arts.

In most individuals the Brow chakra is most active from their late 20s and onward. However these mental powers also peak for a short period during adolescence. Most of the time we lose those powers without constant development. Remember to meditate often to develop these special gifts.

Individuals who are Spiritual Magicians have the power to change the world.
You have been sent here with a unique purpose to develop and use these gifts.

You have the power to wield the elements – earth – water – fire – air – spirit – and to gain deep insights into others. You are able to use universal life-force energies to manifest change and transformation in the world and in other individuals. Magicians are in constant danger of illusions in earlier development. Be conscious of these dangers and keep a firm foot in the material world to avoid getting lost in a sea of delusions. Magicians have the most powerful chakra gift but also the greatest responsibilites that come with it.

Take The Chakra Test

Base Chakra Strengthening

Also from the book, Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, I learned the depth of interaction between my base chakra and all of the emotional energy related to my childhood (which, sadly, was full of abuse in multiple forms).  According to a list of characteristics listed, my main problems still stem from the ways this chakra has been at least partially blocked since then.  Of course, after reading that,  I wanted to find any and all ways I could of strengthening that chakra as one more way of trying to heal myself.

However, despite all of my attempts, I haven’t found any method suggested for this besides the typical meditative techniques.  I always have to make these techniques easy for myself to use on a regular basis, so what I’ve been doing is imagining a small red ball of energy sitting at my perineum (which is where your base chakra actually is and NOT at the “base of the spine” like so many books and websites say) and glowing through my belly, hips and thighs.

I’ve also been taking care to walk on the grass and not just sidewalk all the time (which is tricky living in the urban core) so that the natural passage of energy from the earth to my base chakra isn’t always blocked by man-made devices.

Does anyone have other ideas for me? I’d love to hear them!