Archive for August, 2009
I started this blog far away from my “normal” blog a long time ago so I could keep this stuff hidden should I so desire. I finally got sick of pretending not to be myself and “came out” spiritually on it today.
Very freeing and another local blogger even stopped by my work to give me crystals (that’s me with them above) a relative of hers finds all over in Arkansas! It was a beautiful confirmation that I’m doing the right thing by not being afraid of who I am.
It is utterly delightful.
Monday night I was chanting “I honor the divine within” and I reached down to touch my animal familiar, Frederick who was sitting all happy wearing his happycat Buddha face, and he gave me a vision. He was sitting in a silk kitty kimono and hat in a Buddhist-like temple full of worshippers chanting and prayer and offering him delicious treats in golden and jade bowls or incense and bells and songs. He was in his full might and purring mightly and I bowed down three times before him.
The vision gave me a deep sense of respect for him and for all animals and I realized that I’d still been identifying too much with my monkey mind that thought itself so superior from all the other “poor dumb animals” instead of realizing we are all expressions of god and equally amazing. I felt ashamed by my pretension and glad that I was shown the error of my ways. I felt much more in touch with the divinity in all of us, and I wrote this poem:
The Gods’ Masked Ball
The gods are among us
every day, walking with us,
laughing, crying, smiling, dancing and we
refuse to see them
as if the masks of meat and fur, shell or bone we wear could hide
the glory of divinity. It pours out of all of us
in codes we all could read should we take a moment to cipher
them. Study the spirals weaving a dance of
joy in your heart. Read them with
a mind that seeks patterns out of nonsense
and you will create new forms as you
create your own reality, finally
at one with the god behind your eyes and fingers.
If you’re interested in reading more of my poetry, you can find it at my deviantArt page.
So after I met my fairy nature spirit guide, I was set for some exciting developments especially since she insisted I meet with her the very next day! I did and she told me her name and showed me her symbol [above]. I think it’s funny that her name is constructed just like my true name (fireflower) is: two nature elements smooshed together to make a name.
She also told me that she is a fairie princess and that they aren’t usually the ones who work with people, but that I’m an important player so she agreed to be my guide. She told me to become lighter and more joyful and gave me the image/sensation of being a peice of dandelion fluff carried in the wind. I felt so joyous and free it was amazing!
The next time I meditated on going through the fairie door to meet her I was in Omaha for the weekend and was finally able to make it into the woods to meditate! Princess Aquazephyr had me sleep with my head in her lap during which she sang and healed me, making my chakras shine like little christmas lights. Then she spoke to me within the dream in the meditation and showed me as a spider weaving a web.
Here I have to take a break and let you know that the Universe recently revealed to me that the wolf spider is one of my totems. I read a poem by Alice Walker which she prefaced with saying that the ancients believed that if an animal appeared 3 times to you, it was your spirit animal. The spider that had recently taken residence on our porch and that both reminded me of the scary impressive and amazing wolf spider the size of a dinner plate that I saw only 3 times in my parents shack in the back yard, even though it lived there. I realized that the spider is very important to me and is the manifestation of my story-telling abilities. Now back to what Princess Aquazephyr was showing me….
She told me that I must remember that as a storyteller I am like the spider. What I use to make the stories is a gift from the Universe, but the crafting and weaving of my stories is my gift back to the Universe. Then she woke me and blessed me and I prostrated myself before her thrice, which she liked a lot. She told me to look for a gift from the fairies on the way back out of the woods. I saw many things and asked if they were the gift, but they weren’t. Then I found a rock and that was it! Remember, I like to decorate rocks.
I have been working once more on writing stories, which is great. I’ve had an idea for a collection but couldn’t get up the gumption to start, but I have now and I’ve started on another one too.
Oh, and here’s a picture of my base chakra animal guide I told you about. I’ll be drawing all of them eventually, but this guy I finally got around to drawing last night:
Lesson two of Ronni’s fabulous Fairies 101 class included a guided meditation for meeting one’s nature spirit guide. Turns out mine’s a fairy! She had me write down some of the details of the vision, which I’d like to share with you.
Here’s what I saw during my meditation:
My present my friend gave me was a balm or elixir for healing from my
ex. His betrayal was the worst and it’s the biggest thing in my past I
need to heal from to move on right now.
The flowers in the fields were orange, pink, purple and white.
My friend looked like an elfen fairie. Willowy, reed-like,
effervescent, silly, blond. Wearing a gown of many thin layers of
blue, purple and pink and a halo. She’s a wind/rain spirit with
see-through, glittery wings and huge blue eyes.
Messages from my friend were: Love well. Seek joy. Be peace. Be love.
Give always. Fall like rain on the hearts of others; nourish their
chakra flowers. Be open to accept grace.
In response to my question “How can I be like you?” she said: Grow
lighter! Cast off your burdens and dance in the rain. Open as a flower
to the sun. Use zinnia.
The next meeting with my friend will be tomorrow! That kind of
surprised me, but she’s insistent that I meet her again and soon!
It was very joyful and exciting! Now I need to get good enough to draw her…
I signed up for Ronni‘s Fairies 101 class last week because I’ve read her blog for a while now and she’s already taught me a lot through that. She sent me the first lesson and reading through it made me tear up. I was so happy to hear her truth about flowers and fairies and the interactive nature of the Earth spirits around us. It’s so comforting to be reminded of the great web of support we have that we can sometimes forget to ask for help though the spirits are so ready to answer our questions and help us through difficult times.
The first assignment was to write a “Joy List” of things that make us happy. Here’s mine, as well as a few drawings of fairies I made right after making the Joy List. EDIT: For whatever reason, WordPress doesn’t like my PDF. If you’re interested in seeing it, you can request a copy by email: reddvenus AT gmail DOT com.
I’m also reading Brain Respiration by Ilichi Lee, which is a book about using all of the power of your mind to create optimal health, creativity and calm. The book includes a set of exercises designed to keep the energy flowing through your meridians and to make you stronger to hold more energy. (Some of his exercises can be found at the website I liked to above). I started doing them yesterday, including one where you pound on your belly/solar plexus region to get rid of the stagnation there.
Later that day I felt suddenly emotionally exhausted and weepy. I just wanted to curl up and cry and I couldn’t understand why! I’d been having marvelous day with my partner and I couldn’t understand it. Then today, I did the exercises again and noticed the exact same feelings of sadness, but this time it was linked with an event in my past where I had been emotionally wounded by two women I misplaced my trust in. This makes me certain that the feelings that seem unrelated to my daily life are stagnant problems that I’ve been keeping inside myself. I knew I needed to address the matter before I could release it, so I just asked if there were any lessons I needed to learn from the event still and, no, there weren’t. I asked if there was anything to do about it except to grieve and feel badly and there wasn’t. So I just told myself it was okay to be sad, that I can move on if I want to since it’s not affecting my life now, but that I’d let myself be sad about it as long as I needed to. I continued soothing myself, imagining my higher self stroking my back and crooning over me until I felt like I was ready to give the matter up, and then I went on my day.
It’s a little exhausting but freeing. I’m interested to see where this takes me next.
I saw this in a vision. Later I read a psychic/medium’s post somewhere on the internet that was randomly linked from Twitter maybe? I can’t recall, but she was relaying a message from the angel Gabriel who promised all of us hearts of gold with the new upsurge of energy that came with the solstice.
I don’t know about you, but I definitely feel my heart (and the rest of me) has been transformed by the angels of late. Love flows from me almost effortlessly, guiding me to joy. Such a wonderful way to live instead of fear and confusion leading me to distrust and depression.
I’m very grateful for their gifts.
When my girlfriend visited me, she drew a picture of our dreamed-of future farm (where we want to live out our days being self-sustaining and close to nature) with my energy flowering/flowing out of it in rays with little hearts in them. Since then and since I’ve been chanting, I’ve (and the cats) have been seeing love flow out of me in purple wavey currents with hearts in them. I then realized that flow is the same as the river/ocean I see running through the gardens of animal spirits in my chakras. It is beautiful and freeing to watch the energy pulse through and beyond me. The cats like to sit near me and bask in it when I’m especially vibrating on a high wavelength.
I also want to be sure I’m not neglecting meditation, just sitting with my breath, even though I am chanting a lot now. For a few days I let the chanting replace the meditation instead of realizing how well they work together and that I am stronger and calmer when I do both. This means I have to really get myself up in the morning and take advantage of my quiet alone time before my darling wakes up.
I did that this morning and as I meditated was given a vision of the angels/devas/earth spirits working in my chakras as flowers like big fuzzy bumblebees. Which is funny b/c I made the above art work (it’s a drawing w/ dangling charm) MONTHS ago that related angels to bees and it tickled something in my brain that I didn’t come to realize consciously until now. They were cross-pollinating the energy in me because I have been welcoming them into my life to work and change me. They showed me that this is one way in which kindred spirits far away from one another are able to share ideas, if they’re on the right wavelength and are allowing the angels to work. It’s also why many times in history the same idea has sprung up in two separate continents at the same time. The angels are here to help us be better humans the way bees strengthen the diversity of flowers by spreading the pollen far and wide. It was a beautiful and sweet vision with which to start the morning.
I also decided to try to use my crystal divination set daily. I used it Sunday, missed yesterday, but used it today. Each time I use it, the messages become easier to see. It is such a joy to be advised by caring entities about what I should be watching for on my path for the day. It helps me to stay centered and to be aware of my reactions and to respond from the heart and from spirit instead of from ego and emotion. I’m so grateful my beautiful girlfriend gave it to me.
I’m also thinking of getting a set of rune stones. I wasn’t interested in runes for divination previously, but I also wasn’t in tune enough with my guides to listen to them that way. I think I’m ready now and as much as I love the crystal set, I think the runes allow for greater possibility and nuances in the divination that I would be wise to take advantage of.
I am getting better at being my true self more often. I had difficulties in the past expressing my spiritual side to my lover and I’m getting better at it now because I am focusing now on whether or not he’ll think I’m crazy, but on what he needs to know to really know and understand me as I want him to and trusting him to be big enough to accept new ideas of me than he had before, hoping at the same time that it will help him widen his perspective and tap into his inner power.
I’m also hoping that I will keep this same idea in mind in all my relationships and not be afraid of rejection but to live my truth without hesitation. You know, walking in love, not fear.
If you’re interested in seeing more of my art, as well as poems, etc., please visit my deviantArt page.
My goal right now is to become one with my path. To seek the stillness within me no matter what the circumstances around me. That’s part of the reason why I’ve started the (mental) chanting. I can do it anytime, it focuses, grounds and calms me, and it’s helping me to integrate the divine into the daily.
I want everything I do to be an expression of the goddess within.