Archive for July, 2009
Last night I went to my second Joey Klein Singing Bowls event, where Joey Klein – an energetic master – leads one in guided meditation to the sound of crystal bowls being played. The crystal affects your energetic body in awesome ways and the meditations have so far both led me to have really joyous visions where my guides were actively interacting with the meditation and my higher self in a way that is new to me.
This time, as we were led to follow a great beam of light I was met part way by an energetic body. At first I was confused since I knew I was supposed to keep going, but this being had stopped me. Then I recognized her as a guide, bowed to her and asked her to help me continue on my way and off we went!
We were led to the “womb of creation” where I met Krishna as an incarnation of Vishnu greet us. We all held hands and danced around in this womb which was also a garden. (Krishna’s been on my mind a lot lately, since I‘ve been chanting his name and the image of the flute I’ve been seeing as a pillar of strength also is associated with him, since he plays a flute. I’ve seen a couple statues around locally and I plan to get one to further invite him into my life).
Then we sat together by a small pool and watched the rest of the guided meditation happening through it. The meditation was to see ourselves as an infant of light taking on human form, being born and knowing ourselves as light. In the past, I’ve only felt sorrow when thinking on my birth because my mother decided she didn’t want me after the doctors told her I was a boy, and being the way she is, she just never really changed her mind. So the thought of being unwanted in the womb always grieved me before.
But this time, watching it happen in the garden/womb of creation with a guide and Krishna with me, I was totally okay with it. I saw myself as being born into the life that would mold who I needed to be and I didn’t attach anything further to it and I was happy and content to simply be.
It was a wonderful gift and I feel blessed. Also, the more I trust in my guides, the more they help me. It’s marvelous to feel so supported in all ways. It’s something I’ve really longed for in my life and didn’t think I could have. But, of course, I already had it and didn’t realize.
It’s been a rough few weeks for me. My girlfriend and her husband came to visit, which was a wonderful experience and the Universe showed me once again just how truly perfect she and I are for one another and how wonderfully our weaknesses and strengths compliment one another and our relationships with our mens.
On the other hand, they arrived the same day my Uncle, my mom’s brother, died in a freak construction accident. I had a strange relationship with my Uncle. He was the only older family member I had who understood that the Universe was concious and who could talk to trees like I do. The stories he told me about his life and about my family went a long, long way towards explaining who I am and how I fit in with my family, making many things that seemed totally strange suddenly familiar knowing that they rested in my DNA.
Unfortunately, he was also an alcoholic, selfish jerk who often made inappropriate comments to me and who tried to rape me. I didn’t have a relationship with him after I tried to talk to him about it and he refused to acknowledge any wrong. Because of this and because it was his own not taking care of himself behaviour that was part of what made him such a jerk that caused his death, I had a lot of anger to process towards him.
I’ve talked to his spirit several times since, working towards full forgiveness and healing, but I don’t think it’s a process that will happen easily, especially since he’s the first person in my life I really cared about who has died. Also, I keep checking my chakras for damage from him and finding knives stuck in my lower three chakras, though I keep working to remove them and heal… not really sure what it will take except just time, which seems to be the greatest healer of all.
On top of this, my grandmother, my dad’s mom died. This didn’t really effect me emotionally since grandma has always been completely insane and I had no relationship with her. She’s the reason my dad hates women, which is somewhat understandable since she tried to kill him and his siblings many times, but it’s still a difficult legacy to live with and contributed to so much of what made my childhood absolute hell on earth.
The funerals were both this weekend and it was extremely trying for me. I haven’t talked to my parents because they haven’t had any interest in trying to repair our relationship and I made it clear to them via a sibling that I wouldn’t talk to them until they did. I renigged on that a bit since I was led by my guides to move towards healing (although they’re the one’s who also made me give up completely on having a relationship with them… they like when I give up so they can do the unexpected, I’m learning) and talked to both my mom and my dad slightly.
Of course, they’re trying to pretend like nothing has been wrong between us and treat me the same as always, which is really poorly. It’s especially painful right now because mom is so in love with these two married and pregnant/just delivered a baby cousins of mine… and my parents really don’t give a shit about their kids at all. We all know it, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less.
I really held on to meditation, yoga and chanting to get me through. With the way my emotions and energy were buffetted around, I can’t imagine how awful it would have been if I’d been trying to get through without my practice!
I’ve very grateful to my guides and the Universe for making me strong enough to deal with this. I’m still seeking their wisdom on what to do with my parents. But I know that they’ll show my path as I need to walk it and I can trust in that. I’m also grateful to them for the healing in the relationships with my sisters. We got along this weekend like we haven’t in 8 or 9 years. It was such a wonderful gift!
Oh! One last awesome thing that happened before the funerals! Because of that shaman book I was reading, I met the power animal guides for each of my chakras! They are (from crown chakra to base): dolphin, raven, fox, penguin, peacock, rabbit, snake. After meeting them, I now see my chakras as globes containing gardens in which my animals live and frolic and where I can visit with them for wisdom or comfort. The vixen in my heart has been especially comforting during this time.
At what I hope will be the beginning of a weekly meditation session, two friends and we meditated together using Joey Klein’s (of the Institute of Transformational Studies) Mental Body guided meditation.
It was incredible because it was raining and the storm transformed itself along with our meditation session. The storm got heavier as we gathered energy and two different times when we pulled down energy the storm accompanied us with lightening and thunder!
At one point, we were told to imagine energy like water pouring down into our crown chakras. The image that immediately popped into my mind was of my drawing (above) and I saw my guardian angel pouring light into my crown chakra out of a pitcher and could feel it flowing like water around the fluttering petals of my chakra (more about that in a moment).
The other amazing image I was gifted was when we were being guided to work with our guardian angels. I saw mine as hosting a banquet for me, and he was feeding me fruit that was glowing with different colors of light, relating to the chakras. I felt so nourished and refreshed afterwards! My energetic body has been showing itself as a rainbow embracing me lately and these two images greatly encouraged that.
Later that weekend I was sketching and was given an image in which flowers relate to each chakra. The way in which I see it (and this is greatly influenced by my personal relationships with these flowers), the root chakra is an aster, the sacral is a tiger lily, the solar plexus is a gerbera daisy, the heart chakra is a lotus, the throat and third eye are roses and the crown is also a lotus. I have plans for a big art project involving this and it will probably inform a lot more of my stuff besides.
Anyway, all of that is to tell you about the lovely little meditation I had this morning. I was pulling energy into each chakra, imagining the color associated with it as well as the flower. After I reached my crown chakra, I once again pulled down energy from the sky and experienced it as water flowing over the petals of each flower/chakra and it was amazing how comforting and soothing and refreshing it felt.
I feel the Universe loving on me big time lately. It’s exciting to pass on to others.
Plus I’m just super excited about my flower chakras! woo!
Something different for you…. a short story I wrote that is kinda morality tale about respecting the Earth… Hope you enjoy!
When Gaia was young, her spirit longed to stretch itself. So plants appeared, birds, insects and animals, fairies, sprites and humans flew or walked across and within her mighty body. Gaia was happy flitting around herself with new eyes and new powers and all the creatures she carried lived in balance and harmony.
But one day a man called Stone became convinced that he had no true connection to the people and things he saw around him or the earth beneath his feet. He began telling the other men they should take from the earth enough in one blow to never need again and so live out their years in ease and pleasure. Together they began widening the cavern from which the people took their precious metal for the sacred rituals of birth, initiation, the change of the seasons, union and death.
They lay Gaia bare and harbored what should have been the wealth of generations for themselves. They stopped tilling, hunting, creating and gathering in favor of buying what they wanted, making the sacred profane and common.
Soon others heard of this state of affairs and they too wanted to have the riches of generations for their own. They dug up what was precious until it became hard to find and some forced their children into dangerous underground passages to seek out ever more gold to sate their greed, even turning to taking from one another.
The women, who now were doing all the work of being human and caring for the community, became concerned as violence between men and tribes increased. Under the guise of harvest they gathered together in a great field, filling it with laughter and dancing until a wise woman named Blood stood atop a hillock and raised her arms, requesting silence.
When no more sound ran through them than the playful wind, she spoke: “My sisters, we have all seen the shameful changes brought about by lust for owning what is not ours to have. Our children are not protected and our work has doubled while tribes weaken and die. Our precious rituals have been tainted and our sacred source polluted. Gaia is calling out for balance. Blood has been shed and gold stolen. Blood and gold must be returned for her to rest in peace once more.” The council of women agreed it was so.
With their path clear, they returned home, some in silence, others in song or with clapping hands and drum, but all were somber thinking on what must be done. When they returned to the village, they gathered all the gold they could find and placed it in the mouth of their once-sacred cave out of which they could hear the sounds of mining.
When the moon came up, all the women in all the villages joined hands and began to hum a secret tone that caused Gaia to tremble and the stars to halt their endless journey and take note. Upon this, another tone was taken up, then another, until they formed a powerful chord. The women raised their joined hands and wished for deliverance.
Low rumbling sounded beneath them, growing into a roar loud as a sudden tsunami crashing against the shore. The women watched as Gaia reclaimed her sacred caverns. They sank deep into the ground, taking the men with them and leaving large depressions in the ground.
The women bowed down and tanked Gaia, touching their faces to hers as rain began to fall. They let it bathe them together and it filled all the empty spaces left from the sinking cavers with lakes of pure water.
They returned home to find them men who hadn’t been mining terrified, but the women welcomed them as brothers and led them back to the lakes to be purified. But some would not, choosing the wild instead of life with the tribe.
When the earthquakes come now, the women say Gaia is laughing at those who thought to use her as they would. And every spring when the first rains have renewed the lakes, the tribes bathe together in remembrance of what was lost and what was saved.
Lately my connection with nature and nature-as-teacher have become increasingly more necessary in my life. I’ve been spending more time outside and the change it makes in my emotional and mental well-being is dramatic! I’m loving my path right now and how it’s changing me, making me stronger and better and more capable of helping others.
My guides have been letting me know I’m on the right track through a book my little brother lent me called Secrets of Shamanism: Tapping the Spirit Power Within You by Joes and Lena Stevens. Three of my favorite bits so far:
“When you practice shamanism you become a change agent in the drama of evolution. More than that, you release yourself from the illusion of isolation and step into the reality of the interrelationship of all life. Finally the practics of shamanism leads you to eventually align yourself with the healing forces of nature. You find balance and integration. You know who you are and where you are going. [this is something I've been dramatically experiencing of late]
“Shamans…emphasize the importance of being able to ‘see’ the result before actualizing it physically. [this is what I meant last post about my partner being able to imagine the future with me] And yet they are also aware that people can only achieve as much as they can truly imagine for themselves. Thus a shaman will work at heightening a person’s level or ability to have, do and be. The ability to imagine raises our ability to have. Like a muscle that needs to be worked, strengthened, and stretched, imagination requires exercise. Shamanism is in part a strategy for expanding and empowering imagination.”
“The shaman knows that each [element of nature] is vital to basic survival, and a personal relationship with them is critical to living a successful life. Furthermore, the most compentent shamans know that these powers are all representatives of the greater spirit that unifies the cosmos and is the true source of life itself. By communicating to the sun or the moon and thanking them for their warmth and light, the shaman through humility, grows powerful because [s]he speaks directly with the source of life itself.”
I am loving this book because it’s like my guides patting me on the back the whole time, saying “see! look how on track you are! now pick up things you’re needing from this and let’s do more!!” It’s so exciting And since my partner and I changed our relationship status, it’s been so easy to share my spirituality with him. I love it! All the other people I’ve been with were intimidated or upset by this side of me so having someone celebrate it with me is pure joy.
Yesterday, for instance, the Universe guided me to pick up 3 stones on a walk, which I then decorated as I have been doing recently with symbols (above). These rocks seemed more powerful than the others I’ve made and the symbols are very strong ones for me. They kept calling to me all day and I knew they were a special gift for me to use. The rock pictured on the left is the Raido rune, the reverse is a book (my guides like to communicate through what I read). The center rock is a heart, the reverse is a bear with teeth bared. The rock on the right is a knife blade and the reverse is the incisor of a wild cat.
I’ve pulled out my spirit bells (pictured on either side of the rocks) and went outside to shake them and wait for the Guides to talk to me. I discovered by holding on to the bells themselves, I have rattles! This was really fun to discover because I’ve been wishing for rattles and here I already had some!! I shook my bells/rattles, swayed side to side with my eyes on the rocks and their symbols, and mentally chanted “love, healing” over and over until the sound and the spirit came on me and I thanked the Earth below me and the Sky above me, my guides and the energetic beings around me and they told me that I should always remember that I can change perspective when I need to and find my calm and that they are always there for me.
I felt full of energy and hope and light and joy and my head felt particularly cleansed and airy (I’m guessing as part of the result of doing a mental body guided meditation with some friends on Friday where we pulled down energy into our minds) and was able to go inside and was able to simply say to my partner what the messages I’d received were and know he’d be joyful with me. Then I was blessed with a 20 minute power nap! I went inside and was so sleepy I fell asleep and let the energy wash through me, invigorating me when I woke up. I tend to lack the ability to nap so this was a very special gift indeed!
I’m so grateful for the energies that support and love me. I love living a miraculous life.