Archive for August, 2007
‘At times I feel as if my waking state is really a repetitive dream,
and my “dream state” is the real me,
but I don’t remember enough of it when I “wake up,”
and that makes it less accessible .
Other times I know I’m connected, but I can’t sustain it.’
I feel like that a lot. And, as always, it’s nice to meet those who feel the same way. Even if it’s only through the internets.
On Monday I was reading through Amber Wolfe‘s Totem Adoption Ceremony (which I will include at the end of this post). She talks about colors of light to imagine coming from or to the totem, specifically green (for heartfelt connection) and gold (for active higher energy). I’ve also been reading a lot about her personal experiences with totem interaction and it definitely created a hunger in me to find a connection like that to an object totem. And, once again, I got to see the the Universe is aware of my thought energy being sent out as surely as if I was praying every moment, because It answered my desire last night.
At my uncle’s house there are pieces of quartz crystal sitting in a bowl on his living room table. I was instantly reminded of my friend Andrea whose spiritual sensitivity I admire. She sleeps with two crystals in her hand and from getting to know her I first experimented with using stones and crystals as vehicles of spiritual power and comfort. There were three smallish pieces and one large one, so I held each of the small ones in turn to see how they would respond to me. One of them leaped out to me as something right and I held it to see what would come of our connection.
I held the crystal and saw my hand glowing yellow, then blue flashed onto the yellow and it became green and I held that greenness so that it went through my head and my heart. I moved it across my third eye, my heart, and then laid the crystal on my stomach and watched as a rainbow of light shot out of it from me and from the Universe into me. Suddenly it occurred to me that the light didn’t have to stay in this shape, and I rolled it into a ball with my hands and moved the energy to swirl around the crystal and through me. I slept with it in my hand/beside me and woke up renewed.
Wolfe warns against over-using totems, but I think I’d like to sleep with this crystal the way Andrea sleeps with hers. So I’m going to follow that example, but place my crystal on the floor every day so that it can be grounded and in peace.
Below the cut is the totem adoption ceremony. You’ll notice mine was significantly different that what she suggests, but that’s why individuality makes this type of spirituality so much fun.
According to In The Shadow of the Shaman, a totem is a sacred animal or object with a unique vibration and energy. This energy can be used to compliment those aspects of one’s Self related to the totem symbol. Totems are something I’ve been interested in for quite a while, but it wasn’t until I went to UW and took a class about Native Northwest Coast Art that I felt like I understood the relationship that a person or people can have with a totem. In the class I learned that it was interacting with an animal in some way that passed power from that animal to a person that created a totemic relationship. I think that my way of saying it is that these animals have passed inspiration to me and the freedom to accept even the wildest parts of myself.
In this and the next several blogs, I will be examining those animals I’ve claimed as my totems, starting with the most recent: the Fox.
Elusiveness, agility and cleverness are some of the traits associated with this animal.
The fox totem is a recent acquisition of mine. A couple of weeks ago in the midst of a great deal of personal turmoil, I was sitting in the woods behind my childhood house with a friend. We’d fallen silent and I was looking over to where a creek cutting through the woods is bridged by a small fallen tree. As I was looking a fox appeared out of nowhere, crossed the tree and wandered out of sight in the woods. Seeing the fox move without disturbing anything in its path was a moment of insight for me, and I purposed to try to walk through life without causing a negative disturbance and/or avoiding turbulent problems. Since I’ve meditated on the subjet more, I’ve found more and more links that the fox already had in my life that I hadn’t acknowledged before. It was wonderful to connect with something new and old at the same time.
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Last night I was praying to the Moon because I was feeling the need for mental clarity and calm. I was sitting outside under the clouds, wondering where the Moon was and zoning in and out of my thoughts, which is a perfect way to pray to the Moon, since moon energy does not take conscious thought to be employed. After a while, I began to have a lucid dream in which the Moon and I appeared as naked sprites. She was luminescent silver and I was peachy-pink. We both had long flowing hair down to our butts that swirled around our bodies as we floated in what appeared to be the cloudy night sky. She nuzzled me with her forehead against mine and where she touched me turned silver. We embraced, kissed, danced, and enjoyed the presence of one another until I was interrupted in my reverie.
This isn’t the first time that I’ve seen visions with incredible female powers manifested, but it is the first time that I interacted with them as a separate character. I’m still so peaceful from that experience and grateful. It’s amazing what the Universe will give you if you simply ask.
I thought I should give a brief history of my spiritual journey so far as a good way of starting out. So, here it is:
I was born in the Bible Belt to a couple with too many kids, too little income, and a freaky penchant for extreme rage & bitterness. I grew up going to a “Is Jesus Your Personal Lord and Savior?” church at least three times a week, with other church activities occupying the majority of my time when I wasn’t in school. But I also grew up with a woods and creek behind the house and I spent a lot of time outside bonding with the Nature around me. This time of contemplation is, I’m certain, what kept me from being more fucked up than I was.
It was hard growing up in a household that didn’t allow freedom of thought or action, especially when this fascist state was reinforced by just about every single person I knew, because everyone we knew, or were allowed to be friends with, was also was part of the church. With this kind of cage in place, I vacillated between quiet, begrudging acceptance, railing against my freedom of choice and the rampant hypocrisy, or mentally hiding from all of it and just feeling stuff out.
When I was a teen, I started having more problems with pretending I believed things that made no sense to me. I didn’t feel like leaving home was an option because of my age (at first) and then later because I knew I was so wholly unprepared for dealing with the real world (thanks to the coddling efforts of my parents’ cult). It wasn’t until I started attending community college and making friends outside of the church that I was able to get out of all of that.
I moved out and at first completely rejected all organized religions. I was angry and rebelling and tried to ignore all of the spiritual aspects of myself for a time. Eventually I realized that I didn’t like being without spirituality in my life and I started exploring Earth-based/pagan religions at first. However, I have a major problem with most practitioners of Wicca I’ve met and I didn’t like the rigidity and silliness I felt went along with it. However, I knew I was at least partially a pagan, just not how I saw others doing it (at the time).
Based on a recent post in my other blog, I decided to start a spiritual journey blog as an alternative to an ‘eclectic’ book of shadows. This is that spiritual journey blog. I go through periods of being more “spiritual” than others, but I’m trying to get my life in balance and I hope this blog will serve as a tool to keep me from being lazy.
The name “Sitting in the South” comes from the pagan elemental system of cardinal points (North, South, East and West) as means of framing spiritual vibrations. South represents fire, protection, strength, trust and spirits, but it also is the place of self. To be sitting in the South is to be resting in the Self, the place from which to approach a spiritual journey.
I am coming to this with an open mind and heart and would appreciate if you did the same.
(Thanks to all of you who came from May’s Machete to check this out.)
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