Rainbow Light, Flower Chakras

"Watering the Heart's Garden"

At what I hope will be the beginning of a weekly meditation session, two friends and we meditated together using Joey Klein’s (of the Institute of Transformational Studies) Mental Body guided meditation.

It was incredible because it was raining and the storm transformed itself along with our meditation session. The storm got heavier as we gathered energy and two different times when we pulled down energy the storm accompanied us with lightening and thunder!

At one point, we were told to imagine energy like water pouring down into our crown chakras. The image that immediately popped into my mind was of my drawing (above) and I saw my guardian angel pouring light into my crown chakra out of a pitcher and could feel it flowing like water around the fluttering petals of my chakra (more about that in a moment).

The other amazing image I was gifted was when we were being guided to work with our guardian angels. I saw mine as hosting a banquet for me, and he was feeding me fruit that was glowing with different colors of light, relating to the chakras. I felt so nourished and refreshed afterwards! My energetic body has been showing itself as a rainbow embracing me lately and these two images greatly encouraged that.

Later that weekend I was sketching and was given an image in which flowers relate to each chakra. The way in which I see it (and this is greatly influenced by my personal relationships with these flowers), the root chakra is an aster, the sacral is a tiger lily, the solar plexus is a gerbera daisy, the heart chakra is a lotus, the throat and third eye are roses and the crown is also a lotus. I have plans for a big art project involving this and it will probably inform a lot more of my stuff besides.

Anyway, all of that is to tell you about the lovely little meditation I had this morning. I was pulling energy into each chakra, imagining the color associated with it as well as the flower. After I reached my crown chakra, I once again pulled down energy from the sky and experienced it as water flowing over the petals of each flower/chakra and it was amazing how comforting and soothing and refreshing it felt.

I feel the Universe loving on me big time lately. It’s exciting to pass on to others.

Plus I’m just super excited about my flower chakras! woo!

Blood & Stone

Something different for you…. a short story I wrote that is kinda morality tale about respecting the Earth… Hope you enjoy!

When Gaia was young, her spirit longed to stretch itself. So plants appeared, birds, insects and animals, fairies, sprites and humans flew or walked across and within her mighty body. Gaia was happy flitting around herself with new eyes and new powers and all the creatures she carried lived in balance and harmony.

But one day a man called Stone became convinced that he had no true connection to the people and things he saw around him or the earth beneath his feet. He began telling the other men they should take from the earth enough in one blow to never need again and so live out their years in ease and pleasure. Together they began widening the cavern from which the people took their precious metal for the sacred rituals of birth, initiation, the change of the seasons, union and death.

They lay Gaia bare and harbored what should have been the wealth of generations for themselves. They stopped tilling, hunting, creating and gathering in favor of buying what they wanted, making the sacred profane and common.

Soon others heard of this state of affairs and they too wanted to have the riches of generations for their own.  They dug up what was precious until it became hard to find and some forced their children into dangerous underground passages to seek out ever more gold to sate their greed, even turning to taking from one another.

The women, who now were doing all the work of being human and caring for the community, became concerned as violence between men and tribes increased. Under the guise of harvest they gathered together in a great field, filling it with laughter and dancing until a wise woman named Blood stood atop a hillock and raised her arms, requesting silence.

When no more sound ran through them than the playful wind, she spoke: “My sisters, we have all seen the shameful changes brought about by lust for owning what is not ours to have. Our children are not protected and our work has doubled while tribes weaken and die. Our precious rituals have been tainted and our sacred source polluted. Gaia is calling out for balance. Blood has been shed and gold stolen. Blood and gold must be returned for her to rest in peace once more.” The council of women agreed it was so.

With their path clear, they returned home, some in silence, others in song or with clapping hands and drum, but all were somber thinking on what must be done. When they returned to the village, they gathered all the gold they could find and placed it in the mouth of their once-sacred cave out of which they could hear the sounds of mining.

When the moon came up, all the women in all the villages joined hands and began to hum a secret tone that caused Gaia to tremble and the stars to halt their endless journey and take note. Upon this, another tone was taken up, then another, until they formed a powerful chord. The women raised their joined hands and wished for deliverance.

Low rumbling sounded beneath them, growing into a roar loud as a sudden tsunami crashing against the shore. The women watched as Gaia reclaimed her sacred caverns. They sank deep into the ground, taking the men with them and leaving large depressions in the ground.

The women bowed down and tanked Gaia, touching their faces to hers as rain began to fall. They let it bathe them together and it filled all the empty spaces left from the sinking cavers with lakes of pure water.

They returned home to find them men who hadn’t been mining terrified, but the women welcomed them as brothers and led them back to the lakes to be purified. But some would not, choosing the wild instead of life with the tribe.

When the earthquakes come now, the women say Gaia is laughing at those who thought to use her as they would. And every spring when the first rains have renewed the lakes, the tribes bathe together in remembrance of what was lost and what was saved.

Urban Shaman

Lately my connection with nature and nature-as-teacher have become increasingly more necessary in my life. I’ve been spending more time outside and the change it makes in my emotional and mental well-being is dramatic! I’m loving my path right now and how it’s  changing me, making me stronger and better and more capable of helping others.

My guides have been letting me know I’m on the right track through a book my little brother lent me called Secrets of Shamanism: Tapping the Spirit Power Within You by Joes and Lena Stevens. Three of my favorite bits so far:

“When you practice shamanism you become a change agent in the drama of evolution. More than that, you release yourself from the illusion of isolation and step into the reality of the interrelationship of all life. Finally the practics of shamanism leads you to eventually align yourself with the healing forces of nature. You find balance and integration. You know who you are and where you are going. [this is something I've been dramatically experiencing of late]

“Shamans…emphasize the importance of being able to ’see’ the result before actualizing it physically. [this is what I meant last post about my partner being able to imagine the future with me] And yet they are also aware that people can only achieve as much as they can truly imagine for themselves. Thus a shaman will work at heightening a person’s level or ability to have, do and be. The ability to imagine raises our ability to have. Like a muscle that needs to be worked, strengthened, and stretched, imagination requires exercise. Shamanism is in part a strategy for expanding and empowering imagination.”

“The shaman knows that each [element of nature] is vital to basic survival, and a personal relationship with them is critical to living a successful life. Furthermore, the most compentent shamans know that these powers are all representatives of the greater spirit that unifies the cosmos and is the true source of life itself. By communicating to the sun or the moon and thanking them for their warmth and light, the shaman through humility, grows powerful because [s]he speaks directly with the source of life itself.”

I am loving this book because it’s like my guides patting me on the back the whole time, saying “see! look how on track you are! now pick up things you’re needing from this and let’s do more!!” It’s so exciting And since my partner and I changed our relationship status, it’s been so easy to share my spirituality with him. I love it! All the other people I’ve been with were intimidated or upset by this side of me so having someone celebrate it with me is pure joy.

Power Stones and Spirit Bells

Yesterday, for instance, the Universe guided me to pick up 3 stones on a walk, which I then decorated as I have been doing recently with symbols (above). These rocks seemed more powerful than the others I’ve made and the symbols are very strong ones for me. They kept calling to me all day and I knew they were a special gift for me to use. The rock pictured on the left is the Raido rune, the reverse is a book (my guides like to communicate through what I read). The center rock is a heart, the reverse is a bear with teeth bared. The rock on the right is a knife blade and the reverse is the incisor of a wild cat.

I’ve pulled out my spirit bells (pictured on either side of the rocks) and went outside to shake them and wait for the Guides to talk to me. I discovered by holding on to the bells themselves, I have rattles! This was really fun to discover because I’ve been wishing for rattles and here I already had some!! I shook my bells/rattles, swayed side to side with my eyes on the rocks and their symbols, and mentally chanted “love, healing” over and over until the sound and the spirit came on me and I thanked the Earth below me and the Sky above me, my guides and the energetic beings around me and they told me that I should always remember that I can change perspective when I need to and find my calm and that they are always there for me.

I felt full of energy and hope and light and joy and my head felt particularly cleansed and airy (I’m guessing as part of the result of doing a mental body guided meditation with some friends on Friday where we pulled down energy into our minds) and was able to go inside and was able to simply say to my partner what the messages I’d received were and know he’d be joyful with me. Then I was blessed with a 20 minute power nap! I went inside and was so sleepy I fell asleep and let the energy wash through me, invigorating me when I woke up. I tend to lack the ability to nap so this was a very special gift indeed!

I’m so grateful for the energies that support and love me. I love living a miraculous life.

Accepting and Relearning Old Lessons

Trifecta (featuring my primary relationship's power animals)

With all the crazy energy circulating lately I’ve been ruminating on past lessons, gleaning more from them now that I did at the time.

For instance, one of the most powerful prophetic dreams I’ve ever had was a warning/promise about my eventual marriage and the way it would require an incredible amount out of me. The dream consisted largely of my wandering around in a strange city that looked like Greek ruins being stared at by people in togas as I walked around half searching for something, half running from a pursuer, all the while with blood pouring out of deep gashes in my wrists, elbows, throat, etc… but I’m partly made of marble myself so all that blood loss doesn’t really affect me. The lesson from that I didn’t see before was that even when I thought I was at my weakest, the essential part of me was never changed or damaged by the experience.

I gained acceptance of the flower for my birth month (September/aster) that I always used to dislike as a kid by finding an aster blooming in my belly. Turns out the aster stands for love and patience, two really big ongoing themes in my life.

I’m also re-learning just how perfect for me my darling partner is. I’ve been realizing that what sets him apart from my other lovers (besides being incredibly more awesome and caring) is his ability to dream with me about a shared future and to work towards making that a reality. That was missing in all my other relationships and it made them seem lifeless to me after a while. If you can’t grow together, you’re just dying a little bit each day. This lesson was driven further home for me today by the daily email from DailyOm talking about squirrel energy. My partner is the squirrel to my tree (also my penguin and fellow rabbity-thing – which is what the above triptych is about) and reading this made me so happy, because it just shows me another way in which to rejoice in how he’s so perfect for me:

Affirming an Abundant Future
Squirrel Medicine

Native Americans considered all living beings as brothers and sisters that had much to teach including squirrels. These small creatures taught them to work in harmony with the cycles of nature by conserving for the winter months during times when food was plentiful. In our modern world, squirrels remind us to set aside a portion of our most precious resources as an investment in the future. Though food and money certainly fall into this category, they are only some of the ways our energy is manifested. We can conserve this most valuable asset by being aware of the choices we make and choosing only those that nurture and sustain us. This extends to the natural resources of our planet as well, using what we need wisely with the future in mind.

Saving and conservation are not acts of fear but rather affirmations of abundance yet to come. Squirrels accept life’s cycles, allowing them to face winters with the faith that spring will come again. Knowing that change is part of life, we can create a safe space, both spiritually and physically, that will support us in the present and sustain us in the future. This means not filling our space with things, or thoughts, that don’t serve us. Without hoarding more than we need, we keep ourselves in the cyclical flow of life when we donate our unwanted items to someone who can use them best. This allows for more abundance to enter our lives, because even squirrels know a life of abundance involves more than just survival.

Squirrels use their quick, nervous energy to enjoy life’s adventure. They are great communicators, and by helping each other watch for danger, they do not allow worry to drain them. Instead, they allow their curious nature to lead the way, staying alert to opportunities and learning as they play. Following the example set by our squirrel friends, we are reminded to enjoy the journey of life’s cycles as we plan and prepare for a wonderful future, taking time to learn and play along the way. (Source)

I also re-realized why I can’t have a relationship with my parents, especially my mother. I need to foster emotional health and healing for myself in order to share it with others and being near my mother is like having a raptor shred my heart relentlessly and that’s not something I can heal from and still have energy to do everything else I must do to function in this life. I think this has helped me finally accept that I can’t expect support to come from my parents, as I’d always wistfully hoped would happen in a perfect world where they would accept me for who I am.

I’ve also learned to accept that mine is a path of struggle that will probably be bloodied emotionally over and over again, but I’m big enough to handle it. I’ve been able to see things and respond with “well, here’s a new challenge” instead of the self-pitying and shaking my fist to fate that I used to waste my energy on.

My many issues with child birth (which was linked to my creativity in many ways) that you may remember if you’ve been reading this blog a while have come compltely full-circle and now I’ m waiting with joyous anticipation for the time when the Universe will let me know that we’re ready to bring the little soul, who’s already waiting for her new life to begin, into this material plane. I recently watched Orgasmic Birth, a documentary showing real births where women are beautifully transported into ectasy while delivering children and it was so beautiful and powerful that I cried through most of it. I know the Universe and I will be working on making my childbirth glorious like that and I’m excited to see the changes that this single goal is working in my life and mind.

Generally I’m just happy that I seem to finally have my life in balance, that I’m contributing to my community and creating a beautiful life I love. The recent shifts are really doing amazing things for me. I hope you’re able to enjoy it too.

Growth and Power

Drawing a snake mandala for healing, based on a Navaho sandpainting

My guides are teaching me lessons about strength, healing and power that I need to become a more effective shaman.

Focusing on bringing healing to each relationship I have has dramatically changed how I react to people. I used to get very upset quite easily by people, but now I am able to step back and see their faults for wounds asking for healing and that gives me so much patience and grace and love for them that it effortlessly flows from me. I am incredibly grateful for that.

My new job as well as other things – like taking part in a local public art display (pictured) that was physically grueling – is teaching me that I have all the strength I need… and what I don’t have, I can get by simply doing what is needed and expecting the strength to be there. The Universe is definitely not letting me down!

I find it easier and easier to float above my emotions instead of letting them mire me down in angst. I can touch my higher self so easily I feel as if she and I are gripping hands tightly. She is showing me how to see and observe and react with love and acceptance and it is giving me new, wonderful insights into myself and others.

The most miraculous one happened yesterday when I was making love with my partner in a kind of odd mood. I was aroused but saddened as one more of my attempts at domme behavior fell flat just before we began. I was watching my emotions, my reactions to them, watching him, feeling sensations of my body and my energetic body and all of a sudden as an orgasm started to gather I realized that I’ve been using my orgasms (and sex in general) as a conduit of healing power for myself and my partner.

I saw the orgasm bloom in my belly/womb as if a fire flower or an atom and its cloud of electrons and I could see the energy streaming in from the universe to create this in me. I am tempted to compare it to a nuclear reaction; it’s what popped into my head at the time and it seemed to me to be a source for power that I can now use more deeply and purposefully since being aware of it.

I feel like I’m not expressing this well enough yet so I will keep trying: Sex has always been powerful for me and I knew there was some significance behind it that I was missing. So being able to understand the totality of what is occuring on all levels is absolutely life-changing.

I can’t wait to see what happens next.

Love Lifting Me

Working two jobs is as emotionally and physically as draining as I knew it would be. I feel exhausted and unsupported, but every day I wake up and ask the Universe for strength and I receive it.

I walk to work in the mornings with the hare rama, hare krishna mantra rolling through my mind like a river and I see the core of untouchable power within me  that I see at simultaneously being a pillar of iron, a pillar of white light, and a flute through which the Universe plays its tune on me.

Never before has such a stressful experience been so spiritually pleasing – and I’m even not putting in the time I would love to with yoga and meditation most days.

I feel very clearly I am being held up by hands I cannot see and I am incredibly grateful that I still have the energy to pour love into my partner and my friends.

I think it helped to realize that my unconscious goal of most days was to promote emotional healt hand healing in others. Once I made that my conscious goal, so much of what would normally have bothered me before fell by the wayside.

Love is lifting me and while it doesn’t lift me OUT of the problems, I am most certainly floating along on them rather than drowning. And that is all I need.

Overcoming Obstacles

The long-term goal in my life has been to have a baby with my partner for close to two years now. For that to happen, I need to 1) pay off a significant amount of debt from school/credit cards and 2) get a divorce so I can marry my soulmate. I was getting so frustrated last month looking over what had happened the last year and feeling as if I hadn’t moved forward on the short term goals blocking me from the long-term baby-making goal.

But the Universe and my Guides must have been busy in the background, because stuff is starting to happen now!

I’d been trying to get a part time job for many many months in order to pay off my debts more quickly than I can do with the one job. Despite applying to many places, none ever contacted me until I got a call from the McDonalds one block away from the new apartment. A few weeks later now, I’m working there part time, working to get to know the system and loving the challenge to treat each person I interact with there as I would a god/goddess. It’s tiring and a bit stressful but it will be so worth the payoff… just as long as I can keep focused enough to not waste the money!

Divorce-wise, I haven’t been able to just hire a lawyer to fill out the no contest divorce forms for me, and my own research online and in book form both led me to a brick wall in my efforts. I was working with a coworker to try and get things moving, but even that was headed no where. But when I was on the phone with my Uncle telling him about my new PT  job, he asked why I had gotten it. After I told him I wanted a divorce and to pay off debt, he offered to help with the divorce since he had a ton of experience in legal terms, procedures and the like, which I only recently discovered. He has also been through the divorce process himself twice so I have high hopes that this latest attempt will have me divorced by the end of the year at the latest!

I asked my Guides for advice on Sunday night and they exhorted me to enjoy myself, care for myself, believe in myself and to realize there are no limits to what I can do. Overcoming obstacles is a major theme in my spiritual path right now and I have converted a little book I have with Ganesha, god of overcoming difficulties, that has been sitting around on my altar off and on for a while into my overcoming obstacles handbook.

It contains words, phrases and symbols of power all to help me claim my personal power or to overcome difficulties.

I’ve been chanting: Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare (just found it in an old Yoga magazine we had lying around the house) this week as well as this helps to clear difficulties, and it’s been a great source of comfort for me since I haven’t had enough time to meditate as I would like in the mornings now that I’m working two jobs.

I have high hopes to see my dreams becoming reality and I can’t wait to see what happens.

Dropping Keys

I’m still reading through The Gift, and this poem by Hafiz completely changes the way I’ve been looking at many things I do that feel completely insignificant:

The Beautiful Rowdy Prisoners

The small man

Builds cages for everyone

He Knows.

While the sage,

Who has to duck his head

When the moon is low,

Keeps dropping keys all night long

For the Beautiful

Rowdy
Prisoners.

I am so grateful for this vision! Now I can see my efforts as dropping keys for some future prisoner to unlock his/herself and that is a blessing!

Spiritual Side of BDSM

The new relationship status between me and my baby just keeps making things between us sweeter. I always felt that my spirituality and sexuality were deeply connected and that eventually they would merge to produce some amazing result in my life, but I never would have imagined it would be this: by being “Mz. Daddy” to him, I’m helping to break down his resistence to Source.

Two nights ago, he was all dressed up how he likes with his collar on and all, and we were being intimate, chatting & playing with one another. I told him about – a gift the Universe had revealed to me earlier that day – about my power name (which it turns out is fireflower) and how I’d always felt I had one, but had never known it before. The look that came over his face when I told him this (which would have been extremely difficult for me to share with him before our new intimacies) was amazing and he seemed to suddenly have his eyes opened to my energetic body.

He started to share with me how he had always wanted to be a super hero and how he had assumed that he must have the power, but he needed to get more to be “super.” This led to him becoming a type of “energy vampire” and he always imagined locking all that power in an iron box around his heart. (He described it and it was the same box that fell of my heart when I finally forgave myself for being molested!) He said that he’d been storing up this energy for years and he had been trying to give it to me over the years, off and on, when we’d been together.

My memory of the events as they happened is a little fuzzy, but basically we started making love and I had him hold on to my feet (which I’ve always disliked having touched before). Suddenly, we could both see and feel the flow of energy moving in circles through our bodies and as we orgasmed together it seemed to come straight from our sacral and heart chakras.

I urged him to let go of the energy he’d been holding on to and to let the beautiful light that is always with him, behind him and surrounding him to enter into him. I had him visualize it as releasing the energy through his chest and pulling the light in through his back, encouraging him to physically feel it pressing against his back, eager to get in.

Then he stated his intention to give all that energy he’d stolen to me, transforming his transgressions through his love for me. He placed his hands over my heart and I orgasmed as I felt a beautiful cloud of white energy like a nebula full of stars passing into me. I can still feel and see it surrounding my heart.

I am so grateful I am finally with a partner I can fully express myself with! It was very telling that during this, his eyes widened and he gasped, shocked: “I thought I knew you.” I knew then that he’d finally seen me fully and it is so good to be truly known.

What I Was Born to Do

Karen’s latest Wings update completely captured what has been happening in my soul and life the past few days:

Things are still moving into place, as we ready for our very permanent positions which will be completed during the solstice of June.

These new changes and our new positionings run very deep. If you are one who is sensitive, you may be feeling deep movement within like a bulldozer or glacier moving inside, placing everything right where it needs to be. This “invisible hand” is from the divine indeed, as it knows so very well exactly what it is doing, even if at times things do not make much sense, or may even take us very much by surprise.

Miracles and more miracles are the earmark of this exciting energy, as our divine and perfect positions on the earth, divine and perfect partners, divine and perfect contributions, and divine and perfect areas of residency, to name a few, are now being lined up for us, if we only allow and trust.

What is occurring now, is that we are finally, but finally being put into place as the divine and rightful stewards of the planet. We are being moved into position via a total and complete anchoring into the earth, so in this way, we will finally feel as though we are home indeed. Thus, “home” will no longer be out there and up there, but very here. And so, feeling a deep bulldozer energy is only indicative of this very deep grounding.

In this way, we will experience feelings that we have never felt before. A calm, a confidence, a sense of security, feelings of great protection, and even of a magnificent power, but only of the divine.

My relationship with my darling boyfriend, now nearing its second anniversary, became incredibly deep and close a couple nights ago. We’ve been into BDSM for a while, but we had a wonderful conversation that really dug deeply into what influenced us to desire it and how our inborn desires connected us with different media and stories… It ended up being a conversation about what we truly desire and he opened up to me and let his true self shine, and asked to be my sub.

I’ve known that this would happen in our relationship eventually, and I was waiting for us to reach the point of trust where we’d be able to take this step and now that it’s happened I’m overwhelmed, awed and grateful for the changes it’s having inside me.

First off, understanding that being a domme requires the complete acceptance of my sub’s true self with the added responsibility of caring for, loving and challenging my sub has filled me with a new willingness to accept him as he is 100% of the time and not just when it’s convenient or positive for me. I feel I’ve become a channel for growth guidance and that has quickly encouraged me to put aside all my emotional pettiness and to live deeply from my spirit so that I will be grounded enough, strong enough, loving enough and divine enough to meet or facilitate the meeting of his needs.

Secondly, I am amazed at how natural living in this state of existence feels. I’ve considered this lifestyle for so long, never thinking that I would be able to enter deeply into it as I have now, and I’m amazed at how different – so much better – it is than how I perceived it from the outside. When we decided I would be his domme and he my sub my soul cried out that this is what it was born for and I could tell his did too.

Seeing the joy on his face, the playfullness and laughter it’s brought to his life, I can’t imagine living any other way.

The decision we’ve made is a covenant, as binding as marriage in our eyes and I am so pleased to see our paths truly united into one we’ll walk together.